F: mental alienation

mental alienation
by paisleydayze, 20th May 2001.

you can run, but it's always with you

I am losing reality
on a confusing pretense
looking behind me is so fucked

I told myself walk away
while your reasons are young
indiscretion causes wounded hearts

I don't want advice
from one and the same
derived from within

I savor the chance
to look through the old
finding rust on bottlecaps

I feel forever collapse
with the heaviness of life
crushed under severe dejection

I keep washing out
ambivalent stains
with bloody tears

I have found
hideous blockage
in ventricular chambers

I run without legs
from a shifting pile
of silent oppression

I want east when facing north
isn't that right
of what's left

? paisleydayze

Depression is a sneaky, rotten, horrible, thing.
Mine will seem forever gone and under control.
And then, when I least expect it, I find it lurking in a corner of my
head.
Hanging out of a cranial drawer. Like a holey sock or a pair of
panties, with bad elastic.
I thought I had thrown it away, but there it is, as ugly and useless as
ever.
I don't wear it anymore.
I do however, take it out for a day or even a week and examine
it.
I turn it over and over, wondering if I can fix it, mend it, make it
presentable.
For some god-awful reason it feels comfortable. Not good, just
comfortable and irritating at the same time.
I use it as a rag to wipe up something that has spilled on me, or
around me.
I throw it in the trash.
Then, when I am not looking, I wash it and fold it and put it back into
my cerebral chest of drawers.