blind

A small wine bar with small round tables placed by the large windows on either side of the bar counter. They all have a lit candle and an empty ashtray on them. Behind the bar, Mary, an attractive woman on her late twenties with long blonde hair polishes a wine glass obsessively. To one side, Josh, a scruffy younger man with long black hair and skinny torn jeans sips his whiskey slowly. Gary, a well-groomed man on his early forties, wearing jeans and a blue polo neck walks in and looks around as if looking for someone. He goes out for a moment and walks back in. He hesitates for a moment and then takes a seat on a bar stool, picking up a menu and inspecting it.

GARY (to Mary)Excuse me, what time is it?

MARY (looking at her watch) Hmm, quarter past nine. (goes back to polishing the same wine glass)

GARY Oh, that late!...(looks around again). Has a blonde lady been here in the last fifteen minutes?

JOSH Yeah dude! You are staring at her!

GARY (irritated) No, I mean…

JOSH (interrupting) I know what you mean, no one else been here all night…

MARY Just us two… we’re … never busy on Mondays

(Gary looks around at the empty tables. He picks up a menu and starts looking at it with interest, turning it around a couple of times)

JOSH (grinning) First date?

GARY Yes, kind of…

JOSH Is she…err, or he, I mean is it fit?

GARY (annoyed) SHE is … I don’t know, I’ve never seen her… is a blind date, you see? Been told she’s tall, blonde, attractive, divorced… that’s all a man needs to know!

JOSH Yer right there my man!

MARY (without looking at Gary, polishing a wine glass) Can I get you a drink?

GARY No, I’ll wait for her…it’ll be rude not to… I’ll just wait a while.

JOSH Have a drink man… you look kinda edgy.

GARY Hmm…Maybe she’s not coming, is she? I mean, it’s been fifteen minutes

MARY Why wouldn’t she? I mean, if she was willing to be set up for a blind date… she might as well turn up

JOSH (lighting up a cigarette) You ever been to a blind date, Mary?

MARY No way! Why? You haven’t, have you? (smiles)

JOSH Yeah, my mum set me up on one, when I was eighteen… her friend’s daughter… and I got to the coffee shop and saw the girl with the red top…awful (gestures disgust) I turned around and went to the pub… turns out she wasn’t there and I was running away from the wrong girl…

GARY And? You ever got round to meet her?

JOSH No…she waited for an hour… she refused to give me a second chance…my mum was angry man, she didn’t speak to me for a week!

MARY Can’t blame her!

GARY Maybe she came in, looked in from the window and didn’t see me…

JOSH Or ….Maybe she saw me and run off…

MARY Maybe she changed her mind about it…

GARY You said…

MARY (interrupting) Yeah, but I’ve never agreed to do a thing like that…anyway, everyone’s different…

GARY Or she looked in from the window, saw me and thought… I’m not looking my best today…

MARY No… a girl would give you the benefit of the doubt, even if you aren’t the best looking…

GARY So you think I’m ugly?

MARY I didn’t say that.

GARY So.. you think I’m attractive… a lot of girls do…

MARY I didn’t say that either… I wouldn’t know until…I can’t tell unless I know the person.

JOSH That’s a lot of bull… you either fancy someone or you don’t

MARY Speak for yourself! Sometimes you see someone and you think… hmm, yeah! And the moment the open their mouth …(shrugs)

JOSH (giggling) You stick your tongue in it!

MARY Ha! I’d run the other way

GARY So…she saw me, she saw me and stood me up… I don’t look my best tonight. I should have made an effort. She said ‘casual’, I don’t have any casual clothes, at least… none that look smart…

JOSH That’s the point of casual innit? Man, suits put chicks off, believe me, I know

GARY That’s not true, I get a lot of female attention when…

JOSH (interrupting) Sure you do mate, that’s why you have to be set up on a blind date!

GARY I just never seem to meet the right girl… and when I do…

JOSH You open your mouth and put them off! Ha ha, yes you dooooo

GARY Would you agree with that, barmaid!

MARY (annoyed) I’m Mary

JOSH You see…barmaid!

GARY I’m sorry, didn’t mean any…

MARY Don’t worry, no offence taken

GARY No, I’m sorry. I’m Gary

JOSH (standing and opening his arms as if to embrace Gary) and I’m Josh and I’m an alcoholic

GARY Josh …and Mary, it’s very nice to meet you both. Nice to have someone to talk to when you’ve been stood up… (To Josh) Now that we’re all friends… could you do me a favour? Just a little one…

JOSH Me?

GARY Yes, you, just a small one

JOSH Hmm, is it a (enunciating) REMUNERATED kind of favour?

GARY No

JOSH Then No

GARY Go on, I’ll buy you a beer

JOSH Alright, what is it?

GARY Would you… go outside and look in from all the windows? … see if you can..

JOSH See you?

GARY Yeah, see if you can see me from …if you could look from every window…

(Josh walks out and peers in from the window on the left hand side, by the door. A minute later, he appears on the window on the right hand side and waves at Gary)

MARY So… what is it that you do with your life then?

GARY I’m an accountant at a top city…

MARY (interrupting) Oh god! An accountant! What a boring job!

GARY Well, you ARE a barmaid!

MARY Bar manager, actually! And… I plan to go back to studying next year.

GARY Why next year?

MARY I have a son… he’s two.

GARY No husband?

MARY Not anymore…

GARY Why did you leave him?

MARY He left me… for his secretary… he is an accountant too actually…

GARY Oh! Sorry to hear… So… what do you want to study?

MARY I’m… not sure what it’s called… I’m going to get qualified to be a teacher…. Primary school hopefully…

(Josh comes back inside)

JOSH Hey man, I’m sorry, I had a look. I can see you well and clear from both windows. You look alright though, except for that bald patch at the back…

GARY Alright, no need to be so sincere…. Maybe she’s just late then…

MARY So… do you want a drink now?

GARY I guess… because, well… she’s not turning up, is she?

JOSH Man, you can see where you are sitting from the other side of the road… she came, she saw and she…

MARY (To Josh) Don’t be such an idiot!

GARY That’s alright. Beer?

JOSH Yah…pint!

MARY And for the broken hearted?

GARY I guess the same…

MARY (stops polishing) Right, two beers then

GARY So, what’s the time again?

JOSH Man, she’s not coming…

GARY Yes, you’re probably right. So… Josh, what do you do?

JOSH I’m a struggling musician and a…

MARY (completing the sentence) An occasional baby-sitter! And a very good one too, if I may say so.

GARY Does he look after your son?

MARY Yes, three nights a week when I work. Sean loves him… I think he has way too much fun with him.

GARY So… where is he?

JOSH Who?

GARY Her son! If you look after him when she works… and you are both here…

MARY He’s at his father’s for the night…

JOSH Yeah, but Sean thinks I’m his dad. Doesn’t he, Mary?

MARY Well, at his age…

GARY Imagine that!

JOSH And what is that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’d be a super cool dad?

GARY Yeah, I do. I meant it in a nice way. My father was the strict type… never had any fun together… never spoke about personal stuff…

JOSH So, you became an accountant!

GARY So I became my father… and I lost my wife, just like he did… worrying about work and nothing else…

JOSH Mary, do you think…. Sean will inherit my talent for music and me good looks?

MARY I hope he doesn’t pick up your drinking habits…

GARY Or your dress sense…

JOSH Dude, you can’t talk

GARY My hair’s clean

JOSH What’s left of it!

MARY (To Gary) So… what happened with your wife, then?

GARY We met, we fell in love, we got married… and I forgot I had a wife! I work long hours… I brought work home on the weekends… one day she just sat me down and said it was over… no drama. It’s been five years.

MARY And, do you miss her?

GARY Well, I just worked harder to try to forget about it… I guess I do. I don’t know… I try not to think about it.

JOSH I know what is like… when my girl dumped me I got more into my music than ever….

MARY Yeah, but she didn’t exactly dumped you because you worked too much (laughs)

JOSH No, not exactly…

GARY So… why did she?

JOSH She left me for a friend… His band got signed to a major record label last year …

GARY So, is that kind of the equivalent of someone leaving you for a richer man?

JOSH Yeah, sort of…

MARY Oh, Josh, she was no good anyway! You’ll find someone better…

GARY Yeah, you’re still young anyway, surely you don’t want to get tied down now, do you?

JOSH I guess… I don’t know man. Sometimes I think I do, you know? When I’m with Sean and he learns a new word…or when I play guitar and he kind of sings … It makes me think… I wish he was mine…

MARY That’s sweet! I wish his father felt the same way about Sean…

GARY Doesn’t he?

MARY I guess in his own way he does… he seems to…be constantly looking for something that’s wrong with him…

GARY Such as?

JOSH His new obsession is that he’s autistic; before that it was dyslexic…

MARY (continuing) A speech impediment… that’s what he thought he had!

JOSH Basically, Sean doesn’t like communicating with him…

GARY Why?

MARY He never spends time with him… even when he’s got him for the weekend he gets his mother to look after him all the time…. Sean doesn’t register he’s his….

JOSH He thinks I’m his dad…. He, he, I love that kid.

GARY That’s quite a responsibility you got yourself there…

JOSH What do you mean?

GARY When he grows older if you are still close…

JOSH Of course we’ll be close!

GARY You’ll be his role model, you know?

JOSH So…. like it’s your dad’s fault you became an accountant?

GARY Not exactly…more like, it’s because of him that I’m obsessed with work…

MARY So… you reckon Sean will turn out like that!

JOSH A good looking, talented artist….

MARY An unemployed drunk!

JOSH Oh Mary that’s not fair, I’m never drunk when I look after him…

MARY True, and you are kind of talented…

JOSH Kind of?

MARY You know what I mean…

GARY Don’t worry about that… I’m sure your boy has plenty fun… at least he wont’ grow up to be a bore like me…
MARY Don’t be so hard on yourself, I don’t think you are a bore!

JOSH That’s ‘cos she’s a bore!

MARY Don’t listen to him, he’s drunk…

GARY Don’t worry, I kind of like his honesty…. I’m not used to it, but it’s nice when people tell you what they think to your face… I don’t know many people like that…

JOSH What, not even your friends?

GARY My friends? They are more like… colleagues really. We meet up and play squash and stuff like that, but never get too personal…

JOSH So is that what you do when you are not working? Play… what was it called?

GARY Squash? Yes, sometimes…. When the weather is nice we play tennis outdoors… but it’s only occasionally that I see them outside work.

JOSH So… what do you do with the rest of your time?

GARY I work.

JOSH What, all the time?

GARY Yeah…twelve, sometimes fifteen hours a day… then go home, go to bed… back to work the next day…

JOSH Mary, did you hear that? This man is a Saint! How can you do that? Wow, if I was you I would…(gestures slitting his wrists)

GARY Yeah, I feel like that sometimes too…. That’s why I thought it would be nice to meet a girl… have someone to spend time with… it’s no fun going to an empty home, you know….

JOSH Yeah dude, have a little hanky panky before falling asleep and all that…

GARY (embarrassed) Well, I didn’t mean just that…

MARY So… what are you going to do if your lady doesn’t turn up? Are you going to reschedule?

GARY I …. Don’t know really… I hadn’t thought about that… I’ll see…
JOSH No man, she stood you up…. I reckon you should ask Mary out, she’s gagging for it!

MARY Josh! (embarrassed goes back to polishing a wine glass obsessively)

GARY I don’t think this nice lady would be interested in a bore like me, do you?

JOSH Don’t ask me man, ask her…

GARY Yeah… well… do you want another drink Josh?

JOSH Only if you are paying…. I’m broke!

GARY Sure, another pint?

JOSH You read my mind!

GARY Mary, would you get us a couple of pints? And…whatever you’d like to drink…

MARY Oh thanks, but… I can’t drink when I’m on duty….

GARY Go on, it’s not like the bar is full or anything…. We’ll help you out if you get busy…

MARY Alright… I’ll have a pint too…

JOSH Hey, Gary… Don’t look now but there’s a blonde lady looking in from a window just behind you!

GARY Oh! … Maybe…. Is she still looking?

JOSH No, I think she’s …. Coming in!

(Laura, a blonde lady on her mid thirties, wearing expensive business like clothes, a tight chignon and wearing a lot of make-up comes in through the door. Gary hides his face behind a large drinks menu and peeks out to look at her. She walks around as if looking for someone, looks at Josh and Gary and walks towards a round table. Before she sits down she runs her finger on the chair and looks at it disgusted by the dust on it. She stands and snaps her fingers at Mary)

LAURA Barmaid!

MARY Can I help you?

LAURA Not from where you are standing! This chair is disgustingly dirty…. Could you come here and ….

MARY (approaching her table) I’m so sorry…. (wipes the table clean, wipes the chair clean) There you go… all nice and clean for you…

LAURA Nice! Well… I wouldn’t exactly say that…

MARY Would you…. Like a drink madam?

LAURA No, not yet! I’m waiting for someone…. Do you…. Have the time?

MARY (looking at Gary, then looking at her watch) It’s half past nine.

LAURA Half past! Oh dear… I’m very late. I’m waiting for a gentleman. Has anyone been here looking for me?

JOSH First date?

LAURA Mind your own business!

GARY Excuse me… Are you Laura?

LAURA (looking at Gary up and down) Yes, I am. Why? You’re not Gary, are you?

GARY No… a man was here earlier looking for a blonde lady…. He …just left about two minutes ago…

LAURA (indignantly) What, really! Well… how about that! He couldn’t even wait for a bit!

GARY Well, he… he was here for over half an hour… (To Josh) wasn’t he?

JOSH Yeah dude, he waited and waited and he left cursing saying that ‘no bitch was worth waiting that long for’….

GARY Well, perhaps not quite like that… but he’s gone all the same (turns his back on her)

LAURA Oh well, what a loser! (turns on her heels and walks out of the bar)

MARY (To Gary) What was that about?

JOSH Yeah, what about your hanky panky man?

GARY I don’t know… I didn’t like her way… she was rude… arrogant!

JOSH And she was running so late! No bitch’s worth waiting for that long…

GARY Not her anyhow….

MARY Well, at least she didn’t stand you up!

JOSH No man, you stood her up! You bastard! Let’s toast!

GARY For us!

JOSH For the bastards!

GARY For Mary!

JOSH And for Jesus!

MARY Thanks!

GARY So… Josh…Hmm, how often do you come here?

JOSH Only Monday nights, that’s when …

MARY Sean stays with his dad and I’m working…

JOSH So I look after Mary instead…

GARY And Mary looks after you?

MARY With free beer! Josh keeps me company…

GARY In that case… I’ll try to … join you for a beer then? I think I have to leave in a minute…

MARY Are you leaving us so soon?

GARY I… have to work early tomorrow…

JOSH That’s a shame…. But, yeah man, come and hang out with us next week! I’ll bring me guitar and play you some tunes!

GARY (getting up) Alright then… I’ll see you next week…(To Josh) Look after her! (looks at Mary) Bye… Mary.

MARY See you next week!
JOSH Don’t work too hard!

(Gary walks towards the exit and waves them goodbye. Mary goes back to polishing a wine glass and looking it up against the light. Josh looks at Mary whilst she polishes the glass for a while, then drinks up his beer. He gets up and starts tidying up the tables, blowing the candles out and taking the ashtrays to the bar)

JOSH He’s alright that Gary, innit?

MARY Yes, he’s nice! Do you think he’ll be back next week?

JOSH Maybe… yeah, sure he will…. Gary… Gary and Mary! It rhymes and all!

(Josh wipes the tables and Mary puts the glasses away. Lights out)

BLIND is a short play by Carolina Ortega (aka p_cox)