Babies

WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Recognise that sound? You should do - it is the cry of that
uncontrollable pest, that universal monster - the baby.

The fact that the human race still exists is a mystery to me. What was
evolution thinking? I mean, it did a good job with the sex, but hours
of pain that result in a screaming, squirming, purple lump? It was
lucky people are stupid enough to be taken in by it.

If I was evolution, I would have made the process much more enjoyable.
When the vile spawn opened their mouths to cry, music would come out
instead, and their poo would be chocolate scented.

All right, some babies appear to be cute, but don't be fooled by the
tiny fingers and the happy gurgling; this is just a deceiving fa?ade to
hide their true dribbling, vomiting, pooping nature.

And the smell, the smell! It is worse than the stink of schoolboys'
toilets, worse than the stench in old people's homes of ancient sweat
mingled with boiled cabbage.

So why do people reproduce? Why, during the time it has taken you to
read this, have several more babies been born? Why do doctors try to
hard to save babies that decide to pop out before they're supposed to?
Why do infertile couples spend thousands on growing the things in glass
tubes?

Beats me. I'm just glad I never was one.