4 O'clock says the station clock; it's ten past seven

4 O'clock says the station clock; it's ten past seven

Time is a relative concept
Landmarking the passage of my life
Some of it changes
and some stays the same

17 years now
21 years ago
6 years now
2 years of that
3 years of him
6 months with him
2 years ago
32 years of life
6 weeks

Is it long enough?
How long to heal
Which wounds?
Fresh wounds on scar tissue
Inside
Emotional and Physical
of my own doing
And perpetrated
Intentional?

The landscape of my life
is littered with scars and wounds
and times and dates

"time is a great healer"

Time has made things surreal
Like I have lived several lifetimes
Somehow all united in this body
itself a record of the passage of time
Slowly healing
Slowly decaying
Holding me together
A difficult embodiment
Long suffering.

Time to rest
Time to move

Enough time, not enough
Never enough, too much time
Counting time
Plotting its movement against daily events
Plotting the process of hunger

But emotional hunger has no logical time.
It can't be fed or starved in that regular predictable way
Actions and consequences
Suffering
Right Action Right mind
Time will tell

All that we know is change
Impermanence
And that time will bring
More of the same
Only different this time.

I can't face another heart - breakdown

Next time
Next time I will have a hospital staffed by angels inside
Who will protect the scars
And shut the doors on the urges to shout new wounds
Keep the knives safe
Employ operating equipment with the utmost love
Sew me up
Pull out the stitches when it's time
Kiss it all better
Let the tears flow and pass
Convey me to the studio
Wrap me in a blue aura
To keep me safe, whatever

"I don't know what the future holds,
But I want to hold you"
I said

Now I want to hold me
Away from all this
And you can try to put your arms around me
And I might like it
Or it might not be you

It might not...be...you

it might not be you
I've stopped hoping for you
The yous in my life have ripped me apart
And not put me back together
I did that

32 years
2 years
6years or so
21 years
10 years now

It's probably platform 2a
It's time now
The time...Is...nOw