Fake Music Letter

Dear Music Industry Executive:

My name is Bill W. Davids. I am a regular guy with dreams of success,
and I have long desired to acquire wealth and fame in the music
industry. Now, I have no experience in this field. I do not even like
today's popular stars; although I am quite fond of Ricky Martin's
"Bon-Bon." That sure is a catchy song.
The reason for this writing is my new money making scheme (idea). I
have recently been lucky enough to see a Britney Spears poster. Upon
viewing her bosoms I realized that what America wants, what America
needs is big breasted, bubbly, under-aged and sassy female stars. So, I
decided to create one.
I tried to create one with my girlfriend but found that I cannot
function properly under pressure, plus I have no girlfriend. So, I went
out in search of the perfect, previously created young girl, and I am
happy to report that she has been found. Now, she needs to be
discovered.
Her name is TIFFANY LIKSIT (pronounce Like-zit). She is an infectious
personality and I know that she will go far and make me lots of money.
I will now let you read an excerpt from her new song:

When I went to Sears they took
my card
And when I protested they
said "Life's hard."
My boyfriend only wants to rip off
my clothes
Even though I tell him I'm not like
other hoes.

Chorus: Life is like a penis
It's always hard.
Life is like a penis
It's really hard.
Life is like a penis
It's oh so hard.
Life is like a penis
I like it hard.

This catch little ditty entitled "The Hardest Life I've Ever Seen" is
sure to be a hit. It comes off of her debut album "I Bought my First
Bra at Age 3."
I hope you will see the talented future of the girl as vividly as I
do. What experience is better than hearing a fourteen-year old girl
singing about the joys of sex and the hardships of life?

Thank you for your time,
Bill W. Davids