The Last Ten Calls My Mobile Phone Has Made

Mum One of several calls to my Mum. She's adopted and since my Gran,
her adoptive mum, died three years ago, she's been trying to track down
her real mum. Last week she found her. After fifty years. Can you
imagine that? What would you say? What would you ask? Anyway, I'm
driving Mum up to meet her, so we're sorting out details. Phil R Mob A
returned call to my brother-in-law. Has he left his disposable camera
in my car? He has. The camera records events from the previous night's
stag do. I wonder who the photos are worth more to? Him or my other
brother-in-law, the Bambi-like stag. H Does she want me to bring
anything for the bar-b-que this weekend? She says she's supplying food
and drink, but if I'm feeling generous I can bring her money. Lots of
it. She must think I have money to burn. Claire Home. My wife. I've no
idea why I phoned her. Shouldn't really admit that. Maybe one of those
"Do we need any milk?" type of calls. And they say romance fades after
marriage. ##0 To unlock my phone you need to press menu, then * within
5 seconds. The miniaturised buttons on my phone allow my fat thumbs to
do this in as few as two or three attempts. Unless the phone is in its
special home, in my pocket. While here the phone feels safe to unlock
itself at its leisure and phone random numbers. Like this one.
ClaireMobile My wife again. This is either a sign of my great love and
affection for her, or Moby the mobile decided to give her a ring. Not
that she ever turns her phone on. Claire's mobile is quite old, and one
of its many faults is that messages on her answerphone can't be
skipped. She has to listen to the entire message before she can delete
it. If my phone has phoned her without me realising, this can be twenty
minutes of car karaoke. 999 Ok, so we've established the phone phones
people. It unlocks itself, and it either rings random button presses or
picks people out of my personal phone book. Or it phones the police up.
Due to a clever and wise piece of design, you can always call the
police, on any phone. Even if the phone needs a four digit pin number.
Just press the keypad shortcut, and before you can say "Emergency,
which service?" you've phoned 999. Cleverer still, it will change this
number to match your current location. If you're in the States, it'll
call 911. If I ever go to France, I'll soon know their emergency number
too. This could be a life saving design feature. It could be, but I
don't know which two buttons perform this function. If I'm ever in an
emergency with someone else's locked phone, that phone's going straight
in my pocket. It'll know what buttons to press. 08457 555555 My
friendly "press one for Vivaldi" bank. I have one cash card. In the
last eight years I've never changed the pin number. Today I forgot it.
Now I have a new number to forget. I'd change it back to the old
number, but my brain's still looking down the back of its sofa to find
that one. 01772 677277 Next month my firm is laying off 42 people. I
can beat the rush by taking voluntary redundancy. If I ring this number
they'll tell me how much my company will give me to go away. The amount
surprises me. Eight months tax free pay. It's tempting. However I'll
get the same amount even if I'm pushed. When it comes to my career I'm
a coward. I like what I know, even if I know I don't like it. Even with
this cash parachute, deep inside I know I'll need a push before I'll
leap. I don't know why I even phoned the number. 222##***55 Another
communication attempt from my pocket. I hardly use my phone, but you
should see the phone bills.