Paying The Bills
By primate
- 543 reads
My wife just shagged the milkman
'Cause we couldn't pay his bill:
We're skint and out of money
So she let him have his fill,
And though I'm glad the bill is paid
I feel a little queasy
When I think about my Mrs
And the milkman getting sleazy:
Her in her new lingerie
A lovely sexy dream
And him still with his cap on
And a little pot of cream.
I know that it was business
But I still can't help but fret
That she sneakily enjoyed it -
Just like when she shagged the vet.
That was purely business too:
Our cat had to be spayed
And we had no cash to pay the man
So simply got him laid,
But later on my wife confessed
The vet had been a tiger
And it made me slightly paranoid
Each time I went to ride her
That perhaps I wasn't good enough
Perhaps I was a bore
And she longed to have some other man
Upon our bathroom floor
But she said that that was nonsense -
That in bed I was supreme,
Only now I've got this image
Of the milkman and his cream
And it's got me worried once again
Just like that time last year
When we found out that our Council-Tax
Was six months in arrears
And we had to see the Magistrate
Who grimly heard our case
And then gave a muffled judgement
As she sat upon his face,
I worried then about our sex
But once again she said
That there wasn't any other man
To match my skill in bed
So I let it lie until today
When Dairy-Boy came in
And she took him to the bedroom
For a tenner's worth of sin,
I let it lie but now it's back
And making me feel ill -
I dont want my Mrs cheating
Every time we get a bill!
But short of winning lots of cash
There's nothing I can do
To prevent my willing wifey
Giving all these men a screw -
Except.. perhaps...Now there's a thought
To conjure with at night...
What about equality?
And all those Women's-Rights?
What about the rights of birds
To reach the upper tiers -
To be all independent
And to have their own careers?
I bet a lot of businesses
Are owned and run by women -
I bet the Yellow Pages
Is just absolutely brimming
Full of hopeful female moguls
Trying hard to earn a living:
I feel honour bound to help them
'Cause I'm generous and giving,
So I'll sack my current milkman
And my window-cleaner too
And also my accountant
And the man who mends my shoes -
I'll hire instead some women's firms
To carry out my tasks
And I'll be apologetic
When they come around to ask
For their payment, as I'm stony broke
And haven't got a dime
But perhaps some other payment
Could reward them for their time?
I'll take them to my bedroom
And I'll pay them what they've earned
While my wife sits watching telly
When the worm has truly turned
There'll be no more veterinarians
Or Magistrates in bed
There'll be no more Mr Dairy
Just a milking-maid instead -
I'll pay my bills! I'll settle up!
I'll promise them the dough!
I'll take the female world to bed
And pay them what I owe!
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