Journal 7th Sept

7th September

Woke up at 11.15am today. Am shocked, but am in an 'all bets are off' space, it's v. liberating. This working from home has advantages, especially when you've not been sleeping well.

I go in to the office at lunchtime as I'm feeling lonely and scared. I'm supposed to start aromatherapy this evening, I've left a message for the head of department to call me. When she does I tell her I'm going into hospital, will miss up to 4 classes and won't be able to massage at least for the end of the 2005 term.
She says "I think it's best to cancel, you're not going to be fit and missing four classes is too much. Even with the written work all being done at home. Cancelled. Best laid plans.
I knew.
I just needed someone else to say it out loud.

I can't do my aromatherapy. I can't put my rear windscreen wiper on and I can't believe how quickly an office full of men clears out when they overhear a conversation about hospitals. I didn't even say what it was for!

All of them sitting near me left. I'd not have been surprised if a ball of that weed that blows across the street in Westerns just before someone gets shot, had blown across the front of my desk.
I felt so isolated and lonely and in need of a hug. They all left. Except one, who came round from his pig pen and asked me for a website address. His way of seeing me. Contact. What a sweetie.

What next? Pariahs are us?

But tonight at sunset, the new crescent moon will have earthshine and will sparkle beside Venus and Jupiter in the Western sky.

Venus harmonious goddess of love. Jupiter open-hearted King of the gods.
A new phase.
The equinox is coming.
Balance.
At last.

And the beauty in the world, in the smallest things is all I can see. Even hurricane Katrina. Tearing us apart.
Bringing us together.

When we choose to swim
The water parts before us;
Unchanged, in our wake