Journal 8th Sept

8th Sep

I've been praying, in that crying out, don't abandon me, way you do when you think that you're alone. When you've forgotten who walks beside you. And as is her want, the Universe, always answers. I've had enough of being alone. Help me. I mean a man, but that's not what I pray.

My phone is ringing merrily, friends gathering around, offers to stay and of help. I am humbled and touched and have a hard time letting the love that's coming to me seep into me. The missing link, the man, my other always a thorn thought. My gratitude hampered by that raspberry seed of longing stuck in my soul.

My lovely brother phones me, he's just heard. His wife and my other brothers wife are in the same boat. All three of us. Facing the same thing. Hyster-sisters.

And the Universe responds, "Voila! You are not tap dancing alone.

I share the books I've read, the top tips, and I hear their stories.

One of them is so anaemic they won't operate on her. So ill with it she can't work. The other just married, has small ones. She's been told the Western way - nothing to worry about, just leave them. I've told her, go East, Grasshopper, and find out about Chinese herbs, and not to worry, to take action. Own it. But don't leave it.

Have been reading up on natural ways of nutritionally balancing my hormones. An amazing thing has happened. A few months ago, before all this saga, I was taken with Gillian McKeith's advice to listen to your body. Eat what you feel like, stand in the fruit and veg isles, breathe, take your time, tune in and only pick up what you really are drawn to.

So I've been doing just that. Bizarre things I was drawn to; except meat it made me sick to look at it, but cress, alfalfa, miso, olive oil on everything, horseradish, pumpkin, yam, yellow and orange foods, colours of the chakras affected. Cabbage, couldn't get enough of it, brussel sprouts for Pete's sake, broccoli and cauliflower. It gave me weird and wonderful new variety in my day, which fires weird and wonderful new synapses in my brain, and apart from anything else, it's fun and takes the chore out of food shopping.

Here's the really weird and wonderful part - in my recent reading on hormones and controlling them naturally, virtually all the foods I've been drawn to are the best ones for both oestrogen blocking (phytoeostrogens) and/or for reducing the amounts of oestrogen produced.

The Findhorn flower I was so drawn to last year, that I looked it up when got home, and bought some this summer for my garden - Lady's Mantle - the tincture is a homeopathic remedy for fibroids.

When I'm listening,
My body speaks it's wisdom;
Freeing me to Be

"This is my church Faithless