you

i don't know what i'm thinking sometimes. my head just starts
screaming. i'm not even true to myself anymore. just smile to everyone
else, like everythings okay. while inside my head is spinning, it feels
like it's going to explode, with all this shit. i dream of a different
life, that i was a didferent person, free of all my memories and
mistakes. what would i be like if life hadn't happened the way it did,
if i hadn't of done the tihngs i have. who would i have been? i have no
satisfaction in my life, i love nothing and hold on to nothing. i can
feel myself slipping away, my claws losing grip of the curtains, riping
then to shreds, pulling then to the floor. it's like everything i
touch, ruined, broken, crushed, even people, which kills my soul the
most all those people i get close to i hurt and worst of all i take
pleasure in it. watching them cry gives me a boost: someone thinks your
worth tears. i want to hurt this one but my fucking heart won't let me.
i think it over and over again in my twisted mind, i can see his face
drop and his voice crack, the tear roll down his scarlet face, his fist
clenched so tight his nails dig into his palms, the veins in his neck
pricking against his skin. i can't do it. i don't ever won't to see
that face out of my head.