H: And God Said
And God Said
By Mark Cantrell,
Copyright (C) March 2002
"YOU idiots! You've made a right fu--"
"Don't swear, Oh Master-Chef of the Cosmic Cake!"
God looked at Gabriel livid. He could feel his veins throbbing. "Don't
you tell me when I can and can't fucking swear! I made the rules, so
I'll bloody break 'em if I want."
Gabriel looked down at his feet and mumbled something. It better be
apologetic, God thought. Then he added with a snarl: "What do you think
this is? A fucking democracy?"
A chorus. "No, Sir."
It did nothing for his mood. The Angelic host huddled together like a
bunch of naughty children. Eyes down cast. Feet shuffling. The fear
they radiated would save an Antarctic expedition from exposure. They
clearly remembered Satan. Don't mess with the Boss, 'cos the Boss'll
mess you, he thought.
"How could you be so bloody stupid?"
They said nothing. Just shuffled a bit more. When he made the Angels,
he really should have given them a bit more backbone.
"Honestly, I go away for three million years to tidy up all that dark
"We're sorry your Eminence. It was a rush job, and the paperwork wasn't
clearly written. It was an honest mistake."
"But look at the bloody mess down there! It's worse than the bloody
Gabriel looked away, and shuffled behind the other Angels. Clearly he'd
decided to stand down as spokesman. God suppressed a curse. This one
might have had serious repercussions for the fabric of reality. Instead
he irritably fiddled with the pencil stub behind his ears, and then
placed his hands in the pockets of his overalls. Otherwise, he might
seriously smite the sniveling host in front of him.
"I suppose it's my own fault," he added. "That's what you get when you
leave a bunch of Angels in charge. You were built to be sycophants --
not cosmological engineers."
"We're sorry of masterful one!"
"I just don't see how even you lot can be that stupid! The Cockroach
was supposed to be in charge. I built Humanity as the comic
Bradford, 13 March 2002
Copyright (C) March 2002. All Rights Reserved.