A - The Matter of the Dollars (part one)

Most gringos are frightened of the forest. They are frightened of
the snakes, and the spiders, and the Jaguar, and they are even
frightened of the bats. They are frightened of the river because it
contains piranhas who have sharp teeth, and because they have been told
that it has other fish that can swim inside a person when they are
bathing and cause great pain. They are frightened of the night because
it is full of noises that they do not understand. Even so, many gringos
come to the forest. Some gringos even come to our village, to look and
to ask questions, but before nightfall, they all go back to where they
came from. Sometimes they leave dollars behind, though not always. I do
not understand why they make the long journey from their own country to
come to our village, when the forest is such a thing of fear to
them.

Not long ago, a gringo called Jake came to our village. He was very
young, with spots on his face. The sun had turned his white skin red
and made him look ugly, even for a gringo. On his head, he wore a
baseball cap with a mystic symbol on the front, like many of the
gringos do. Also, like all gringos, he wore far more clothes than were
necessary, and persisted in wearing them even though they were
obviously uncomfortable for him. I do not know what it is about gringos
and clothes.

He did not come as a member of a group, like the other gringos, and I
would guess that his arrival at our village was part of the coming of
age ceremony for his people, but I do not know if this is true. Unlike
the other gringos, he did not just want to look and ask questions, but
he wanted something from me, also. Jake cannot speak my language at
all, and the Spanish he speaks is slow and full of mistakes and makes
him sound dim-witted. I could not decide whether or not he was really
dim-witted or whether it was just the way that he spoke Spanish. My
Spanish is poor, too, and I wonder now that when I visit the town and
speak Spanish, that the people there think that I am dim-witted because
the Spanish I speak is slow and full of mistakes.

The gringo called Jake brought a boy called Miguel from the town with
him. The boy Miguel wore fewer clothes than then gringo, but more
clothes than any of my people would wear. The boy Miguel speaks the
gringo language English and my own language, as well as the Spanish
that he speaks in his own town. The gringo Jake has promised the boy
Miguel dollars if Miguel brings the gringo to me and talks to me with
the words that the gringo asks him to say. The boy Miguel is clever. He
is not dim-witted.
I do not speak the gringo language English, but I do understand some
words, so I listened carefully when the gringo talked, knowing that if
I recognise the words that I know I will understand a little of what
the gringo wants from me. I already understand the words 'dollar' and
'business' and 'good' and 'okay'. I understand the words 'yes' and 'no'
and 'please' and 'thanks'. There are other words, too, which I
recognise because I have heard them from gringos before, but I do not
know their meaning. These are words like 'cool' and 'trip' and 'fix'. I
hear the gringo use these words and others like them, and I ask Miguel
to tell me what these words mean, but he says that there are no words
in my language to express their meaning. I think that the boy Miguel is
lying. I think that he does not know what these words mean, either, but
he is too ashamed to admit his ignorance. I do not blame him. He fears,
perhaps, that if he admits his ignorance then I will believe him to be
dim-witted.
The gringo Jake asked the boy Miguel questions in his language and then
Miguel asked me the same questions in mine. The boy Miguel asked me if
I was a shaman. I replied that I was. The boy Miguel asked me if I knew
how to talk to the spirits. I replied that I did. The boy Miguel asked
me if I could show the gringo Jake how to talk to the spirits. I did
not reply, because I was not sure what it was that the gringo wanted.
Because I did not reply, the gringo made Miguel ask the question again,
as though he thought that it was me who was the dim-witted one. I
replied then that I could allow Jake to watch while I talked to the
spirits, so that he could see how it was done. Is that what he was
asking? Miguel told the gringo this, but the gringo was not happy.
Miguel said that the gringo wanted to talk to the spirits himself, and
would give me dollars if I showed him how it was done. The gringo
opened his pocket and showed me the dollars. He did not need to do
that. I already knew that he had dollars. All gringos have dollars,
although not all gringos give dollars to my people.

I said that it was not anyone who could talk to the spirits. I said
that I am a shaman because the spirits came to me in a dream to say
that I was the person that they had chosen. I said that the spirits
would not be pleased if a gringo came to speak to them without being
asked. I am not sure if Miguel understood all of this, for the speech
he gave the gringo used far fewer words than the speech that I had
made. Perhaps Miguel was getting bored with the task of speaking in my
language and in the language of the gringo. Miguel answered that the
gringo would give me many dollars if I would show him. The gringo
showed me his dollars again. He did not need to do that.

I asked: 'What is it that you want to say to the spirits?'. Miguel
replied: 'He does not want to say anything. He wants to listen. He
wants to learn the wisdom of the spirits.' The gringo said something
else, and Miguel told me what it was. 'The gringo does not mean any
disrespect to you or to your spirits. He has come here to learn your
wisdom. He says that the wisdom is lacking in his own country. He has
travelled a very long way to find it.'

I said: 'If the spirits wish to speak with him, then they will first
come and speak with him in a dream, as they did with me.' Miguel
replied: 'The gringo feels drawn to this place. As though someone has
called him.' The gringo is smiling. The gringo wants me to say that I
will show him how to talk to the spirits, although I do not believe
that he understands what it is that he is asking for.

I must consider the possibility that the spirits have called the gringo
to me in order to talk to him. It seems unlikely, but I must consider
the possibility that it is true. The gringo seems to think that he was
called. At least, I cannot comprehend any other reason why he should
come to me with this strange request. I wonder why he does not speak
with the spirits in his own country. I think that this gringo perhaps
is a fool, or at least dim witted, and can only surmise that the
spirits sent for him in order to teach him a lesson of some kind.
Perhaps that is the spirits' intention, after all.

Then there is the matter of the dollars. The gringo seemed perfectly
honest in his offer to give me dollars in return for the opportunity to
talk with the spirits. I must consider the matter of the dollars
carefully. I could do many good things with those dollars. I could
share them with my people, and we could all do many good things with
those dollars. Perhaps it was the spirits' intention to send this
gringo to me in order that me may give me his dollars.

My mother is ill, and requires western medicine that cost many dollars
to buy. My sister's children need shoes and new clothes if they are
ever to go to the Mission School, and although perhaps we could obtain
shoes and clothes by barter, we will make a better deal if we pay for
them with dollars. I think that perhaps I should give the gringo what
he wants, even though he will not understand the experience, and even
though I risk making the spirits angry, so that he will give me the
dollars that he has promised.

If the gringo Jake was a boy from my own village, who had no dollars,
then I would definitely say no, I cannot allow you to talk to the
spirits. I would say that you are not ready for the experience, that
you will not understand what is happening to you, that you will
frighten yourself. The words that I would say, though, would be 'the
spirits will be angry with you if you do this'. I would say this
because those are the words that the boy would understand.

This is what I should tell the gringo Jake, too. I should tell him that
the sprits will be angry with him for wanting this experience before he
is ready to understand it; but Jake is not a boy from my village, he is
from a village that Miguel says has the name 'Philadelphia', which is
in the heart of the land of the gringos, and I do not know the words to
give the gringo that he would understand. I thought perhaps I could say
that 'Jesus will be angry with you,' like the missionaries say when one
of us does something to displease them, but Miguel says that this will
not work. He says that although Jake comes from the same country as the
missionaries, he does not believe in the same God as them. This seems
strange to me, because I thought that all people from the same country
had the same gods, but I believe that Miguel is telling me the truth
when he says this. I ask Miguel what gods this gringo does believe in,
and when Miguel asks him the gringo laughs. Miguel says that the gringo
does not believe in any gods, but I think that the gringo is lying. At
the very least, he believes in the gods that provide the magic of the
dollar. That is certain.

I do not understand what the magic of the dollar is, but it obviously
has a great magic. If it buys western medicine for my mother and shoes
and clothes for my sister's children, then it is a good magic. I do not
understand why it is, that if the gringo has the magic of the dollars,
that he also has to come to me to learn my magic. Perhaps, as I have
said before, it is part of a coming of age ritual amongst his people.
Perhaps by giving the dollars for this experience he receives the
blessing of the gods that protect his people, even though he claims not
to believe in them. Perhaps denying his gods is another part of the
coming of age ceremony. Perhaps that is the test that his gods impose
on him. I do not know these things, but it would be ill mannered to
enquire too deeply, so I will not question him any further.

I wonder if I should give him the experience that he wants, even though
he will not understand it. I should give it to him, even though he will
certainly be frightened by it. Perhaps the experience of the fear is
part of the coming of age ceremony, too. Perhaps that is why the
gringos come to the forest even though they fear it so much.
Because I could not decide what I should do, I was starting to become
irritated by this gringo. Perhaps I was frightened that I would
misunderstand the spirits' intention and they would hold me
responsible. In my irritation, I asked Miguel: 'So do you want to talk
to the spirits, too?' I saw the fear in Miguel's eyes. He did not even
have to say 'no' for me to understand that he was frightened of the
spirits. Then I asked: 'Why do you think that this gringo wants to talk
to the spirits,' but Miguel was upset now and did not want to talk. He
is only a boy. He is a clever boy but even so he does not understand
everything. I felt ashamed that I had spoken unfairly to him.

In the end, I decided to give the gringo what he wanted. Miguel told
him. The gringo was pleased and gave me dollars straight away. He
promised me more dollars when the time came for him to return to his
own people. I thought about my sister's children in their new shoes and
clothes.

[Now continue to Part 2]