Herefordshire Diary

Phase one

Swaddled in the warmth of a green double bed

I contemplated the day past
with equal degrees of trepidation and excitement

The journey had been eye-opening

but

Betwixt the great Welsh hills had nestled

A beetle of great evil

The Beetle of Doubt

Spawn of Athrama

Father of a Thousand Young

I overheard Jon plotting to kill us

He promised clemency to Beth, Colin and Cliff

I doubt the veracity of these assurances

Why should he stop with us?

He is a shrewd, shrewd man

Surely he would tie up all the loose ends

He merely assuages their perfectly

rational fears of a betrayal

Having overheard John's intentions

I am surprised or perhaps dismayed at

my lack of assertiveness

Perhaps I welcome Death as a long

forgotten friend returning

At the end of a long, long journey

Could this be?

Lord Thanatos stirs at the zenith of his influence

Perhaps he moves into season

The toxic apple and the besmoked

sacred herb have both addled me

And diffused the viscous fog clouding my mind.

I no longer know what I am writing.

At times I feel that some unseen agency guides my fingers

At others, that I deceive myself with mere phantasms of the
imagination

It must be said

The writer above all has the capacity to self-deceive

Having successfully hoodwinked others for the larger part of his
career.

The very nature of their craft is trickery
And brings the story within the compass of a lie

I would like to believe I am on the cusp of something big

But my natural cynicism denies this

The cynicism is in fact not at all natural

It is hammered into me by the world

I wonder - is Cou?'s autosuggestion a forgotten art?

Could it have perhaps been repressed?

I must return to Hay on Wye and learn more

How many lost crafts are preserved in some tome

Lodged into a dusty corner in a HoW bookshop?

There is so much to learn in the world

But one feels pressed to conform and it shuts off avenues of
thought

And creativity that might otherwise have developed

Can one uneat the apple?

As knowledge increaseth, misery increaseth.

Mad - can that be?

And do my questions bring me closer to knowledge and ergo farther from
happiness?

Buddha seems to support and deny most of my life.

I wish for emptiness.

I will apply autosuggestion, praying and meditation tonight.

I will become smarter, more motivated

And spiritually switched-on

Tonight I will begin my journey

To spiritual epiphany

That will culminate this week

In the calm of the valley.

God help me on this quest to become the perfect man.

More tomorrow.

Auf Weidersein Pet.