An Ambulatory 911 Call from an Ambulance

An ambulatory 911 call from an ambulance
I saw an ambulance pull up in front of my neighbor’s house late last night. I had ingested a few goblets of wine by this time and curiosity bested me. I strolled over behind it to get a good look but there was no one in sight.

I hopped in the back and mused at all the medical gadgets. Opportunist I am, I then decided to check my own vitals. I attached the sticky wire things on my ribs and chest and just for kicks I screamed ‘code red’. I’ve always wanted to do that.

Well, that was boring so I strapped on the automatic blood pressure taker and turned it on. When I regained consciousness I decided that I would never wrap the automatic blood pressure taker apparatus around my neck ever again.
My head was still ringing but I noticed that there was a pair of large silver headphones. This was peculiar to me so I taped them to my ears and flicked on the power button. I was thrashed across the ambulance to the other side of the truck at the speed of sound but it felt like the speed of light.

I was shaking like a bowl of Jell-O on a hot griddle, and smoldering a bit. I attempted to yell ‘code red’ for real this time but the fillings in my upper and lower incisors were moderately welded shut.

While the smoke was clearing I thought to myself “I’ve got to get me one of these things for party nights. This would be great for when the children are unruly. And when dog is barking too much, unwanted guests, grandma won't wake up, long lines at the deli, door to door salesman... Wow, these things have unlimited potential applications.”

It turns out that the first ambulance guys fell down the stairs and were taken away by a different ambulance. My neighbor was also sent a new ambulance but they saw the first ambulance that I was in and assumed the matter was under control. So, yet another ambulance had to be deployed and of course, I needed one desperately.