Fat chance!

'Twas twelve oclock on New Years Eve-in keeping with the
trend,
I made my usual well meant vow, my fatty days to end.
Straight 'way to fridge and larder I turned my podgy feet,
It's logic you can't gain a pound if there's nowt left to eat.
And having eaten all in sight I clasped my hands in glee,
To think that I'd be lighter before I'm twenty three.

Now self examination, I've heard makes slimming clearer,
If you can assess your bulk, stood bare before a mirror.
Alas I'm sure you've guessed it, this method failed to please.
How can you measure up your thighs with belly round your knees?

Then when movement made me wobble, well it dropped my self
esteem,
Until I found in passing, the answer to my dream.
I bought this little corset guaranteed to hold me right,
Then spent two days endeavoring to pull the thing up tight.

Well having got the darn thing on it's true I did look thin,
Needless to say my flabby bits were now beneath my chin.
For this they do not tell you as poor deluded buyer,
That when you get your corset on the fatty bits get higher.

I even tried these diet foods like drinks that make you thinner,
A shake for breakfast, one for lunch and full nutricious dinner.
I really quite enjoyed this fad and loved the strawberry shake,
Followed up by evening meal of half a pound of steak.

But at my weekly weigh in I was alarmed to see,
My twelve stone ten of last week was now thirteen stone three.
So sitting with my extra rolls I had my greatest plan
I'd exercise each morning with the motivator man.
I may not be much thinner but I'm exercising hard,
It's worth it just to see the dick who wears a leotard.