Humphrey Smiles

HUMPHREY SMILES

Divorced for over six months now, Gordon was looking forward to
tonight's party and a chance to let his hair down for the first time in
years. At thirty five, he felt in his prime and knowing there would be
several unattached attractive women there, sent the blood racing
through his veins giving him a high of anticipation. He'd had a
leisurely day preparing himself for tonight's event, culminating in a
shower and now he stood naked before his reflection in a full-length
mirror covering himself in a girl-getting aftershave.
Looking down at his middle and admiring his equipment, he said '
Tonight Hump ( his pet name for his favourite appendage ) I'm going to
take you somewhere really nice, where you'll meet new friends to play
with. ' Hump looked pleased about this and was listening intently to
the plan of action, when the phone rang.

' Hullo, good evening, and welcome ! ' he said. He was on top of the
world.
' Gordon, it's Sally '
' Sally - how the devil are you ? '
' I'm fine. Look, I know it's short notice, but you are going to the
Watson's party tonight aren't you ? '
' Yes '
' Could you do me a favour ? My car's packed up - would you give me a
lift ? '
HUMPHREY SMILES

Sally - a beautiful divorcee and an emotional iceberg. He quite liked
her but going to a party with her would be like taking a vegan to a
butcher's shop. It would completely ruin his lecherous plans.

' You're going to the party ? '
' Yes. Can you do it ? '
I certainly can, he thought, but not with you there ! How could he get
out of it without hurting her feelings ?
' I would love to Sally,' he lied,' but I planned to stay very late,
perhaps all night. '
' I don't mind - I've got nothing to hurry home for ..'
' It might mean sleeping on the floor. '
' That's all right, I've roughed it before. '

That was it then, he couldn't shake her off. His dream evening was
shattered.

' O.k. about eight at your place then ? '
' Thanks Gordon, look forward to seeing you, bye.'
' Cheerio Sally. '

Back to the mirror : ' All right, all right - don't look at me like
that, I didn't even know she knew about
the party let alone that she was going !
HUMPHREY SMILES

Look, I promise I'll make it up to you - we'll go somewhere sensational
next week. ' Hump wouldn't be consoled. He was going to sulk for the
rest of the evening.
At ten to eight he slowly drove to Sally's - there seemed no point in
rushing. His plan was to dump her on a mutual friend as soon as
possible whilst he circulated in order not waste all that expensive
aftershave and try to salvage something from this disaster.
Sally answered the door and looked stunning - like a beautiful diamond
surrounded by an invisible security shield. You could look, wish it
were yours, but dare not even think about touching.

' Gordon ! Thanks for coming, I don't know what I'd do without you '
!

" I know what I'd do without you ! " he thought.

' No trouble at all ' he said, ' you look great !
' Coffee ? '
' Yes please. '

He liked her company well enough, but it wasn't company he was after
this evening. They drank their
coffee and chatted and then set off for the party. By the time they got
there the evening had just begun to warm up and guests were still
arriving.
HUMPHREY SMILES

The Watsons, old friends of them both, lived in considerable wealth in
a mini stately home and always made everybody welcome at any
time.
The greetings over, handshakes and kisses all round, Gordon managed to
leave Sally engrossed in conversation, almost immediately. He grabbed a
drink and hoping that he was exuding pheromone, he began to circulate
like a one-man pack of piranhas.
During the course of the evening he had a measure of success with
several highly intelligent young ladies. That is if you gauged their
intellect by the size of their breasts and the amount of their bodies
that was outside their clothing. Nothing quite came to fruition
however, because just as he was about to make real progress in each
case, Sally would come over to him with some vital message about
another guest dying to meet him or that there was a disaster in the
kitchen and would he help.
And so the party ended with nothing more to show for it than a few
vague promises to get in touch with a gaggle of pneumatic blondes. In
the early hours of the morning the only ones left were those like
himself and Sally who were staying the night. The other overnight
guests were married couples and had snaffled the spare bedrooms.
Leaving Gordon and Sally to make do with the library. Two sleeping
bags, blankets and pillows were provided by their hosts. Naturally
enough, Sally got the settee and Gordon the floor. Although the
deep-pile carpet probably made the floor the better deal.
HUMPHREY SMILES

They had both come prepared for the night and disappeared to separate
bathrooms for their ablutions and to change into their night attire.
Back at the library Gordon had changed into a tracksuit and Sally had
on a dressing gown. He was still miffed at the way the evening had
turned out and was feeling slightly awkward sharing his 'bedroom' with
this beautiful girl, knowing how shy she must feel in this sort of
situation.
He stood by the light switch.
' If you would like to get in, I'll do the honours '.
She slipped off her dressing gown to reveal a diaphanous baby-doll
nightie, and that wasn't all she revealed. A wall light behind her
meant that she might as well not have bothered with it. Her body was
fantastic - hard and firm like a dancer's. He wondered what he had done
wrong to be punished in this way. He was a child and here was a bag of
sweets that he must not touch. It was as well that she didn't look at
him, his eyes were transfixed, his mouth dry and his jaw dropped on his
chest. Finally she wriggled daintily into her sleeping bag like a
butterfly returning to it's chrysalis.

' Night Gordon, - and thanks ! ' she smiled sweetly.

He didn't reply - he couldn't. Hump was beginning to take an interest
and was asking awkward questions like what was he going to do about it
? The answer was nothing. A rapist he wasn't.
HUMPHREY SMILES

Having turned the light out he groped his way to his bag, stubbing his
toe on the way.
' Sod it ! '

' Are you all right ? '

' Yes, just stubbed my bloody toe ! '

' Do you want me to look at it ? '

' No ! No ! No ! I'm all right ' he over-reacted. " For God's sake
don't let her come over here ", he thought.

He was quite pleased with the pain, it took his mind off you-know-what
and Hump seemed to think it was poetic justice. A tense silence
enshrouded them save for the odd creak and knock of the house timbers
settling down for the night. He was forcing himself to think of a
comparatively happy situation, like running through brambles naked, to
hasten the onset of sleep. It had just started to work - he could see
Morpheus floating towards him with arms outstretched ....
' Gordon '
He pretended to be asleep.
' Gordon ' A moment's silence. ' Gordon, I can't sleep '
' Neither can I. Someone keeps shouting "Gordon" '
' I'm cold. '
' You'll be all right '
' And I'm frightened. '
' I'm just over here. '
' I want to come down there with you. '
' No ! '
' Why not ? Please. '

He was getting annoyed now. Sitting up he said tartly :

' Sally, - me man, you woman. '
' I don't understand. '
' I'm not a monk ! ' he practically shouted.
' Are you frightened of me ? '
' No - I'm frightened of me. Go to sleep. ' he flung himself back on
the floor. That should do it.

A small sound, a slight pressure and she was beside him, her perfume
and her nearness intoxicated him.

' Sally this is not fair. ' he said resignedly.
' Goodnight ' Her face was over his, he could feel her long hair
brushing against him. She was
asking for a goodnight kiss !
HUMPHREY SMILES

This was his final opportunity to put a stop to all this. He hoped it
wouldn't destroy their friendship. They were still in their respective
sleeping bags, and grabbing the back of her head, he twisted her under
him and mauled her mouth with his. Hoping this would put her off.

' That was lust, ' he said as he broke away and she gasped for breath.
Then feeling some remorse, he kissed her very gently on each eye and
then very tenderly on the lips. ' and that was affection. '

The effect was electric. She was suddenly galvanised into action,
struggling frenziedly to undo the zip on her bag and succeeding, she
flung her arms around his neck. He thought she was going to scratch his
eyes out.

' Oh Gordon ! ' she said smothering him in kisses.

Hump woke up, yawned and began to pay attention. Gordon broke away
gently.

' Sally please, you're a beautiful girl ....'
' I want you. ' she undid the zip on his sleeping bag and snuggled
close to him.
Hump was wide awake now and was eager to take part in the proceedings.
It occured to Gordon that he was being raped; but surely he shouldn't
be enjoying it ?
HUMPHREY SMILES

A few moments intense struggle, when her hands seemed to be everywhere
at once, and she had divested him of his tracksuit and along with it
her piece of gossamer that passed as a nightie. His mind was a
maelstrom, the turn of events so extraordinary, it had to be
wish-fulfilment.

' I'm dreaming, ' he said

She pinched him hard on his buttocks and convinced him he wasn't. Still
he tried to keep his feelings in check, - the last thing he wanted was
to be used as a dildo and get caught in a one-sided emotional trap. In
the meantime Hump was having no such ethereal problems - he was busy
making a furrow in her abdomen.
Gordon decided to throw caution to the wind and worry about the
possible adverse consequences tomorrow. Sally was moaning softly like a
kitten purring, repeatedly kissing and nibbling him. His hand covered
her breast, the nipple standing out hard and strong, feeling like a
rough loganberry as he circled it against his palm. She was writhing
dementedly under him making it impossible for him to take
control.
Squeezing her hand between their bodies she took hold of Hump and
Gordon eased himself away slightly to give her greater access.

' Sally meet Humphrey ' he said whilst gently biting her lips.
' Humphrey, I've got a little friend for you to play with. ' she said
breathlessly.
HUMPHREY SMILES

With her guidance, he entered her slowly and gently until he could go
no further. For a few moments they lay together savouring this moment
of almost mystical union, then he began to cover every part of her face
in gentle kisses starting on her forehead, spreading down to her lips,
her neck, and eventually taking each breast in turn in his mouth and
working the nipple with his tongue. She began to gasp for breath and
grind her pubis against him. He moved slowly at first within her but
soon the trickle became a torrent and they were engulfed in an
overwhelming tide of orgasmic emotions so great as to transcend the
earthly plane.
The experience left them completely exhausted but supremely happy,
having journeyed through the stars and arrived in paradise. Their
desire sated, they slept soundly in each others arms.
He woke first and tried to move but she held him tighter.

' We have to get up ' he whispered.
' Why ? '
' It's gone ten. '
' We're on holiday, ' she said snuggling.
' Sally, do you know where you are ? '
' At the Watsons' '
' I mean you're in bed with me. You slept all night with me. '
' We didn't sleep all night. ' she said kissing him.

Humphrey woke with a start.
HUMPHREY SMILES

' Ooh, good morning Humphrey, ' she said as she grasped him
firmly.
' Sally ! ' he gasped as she demonstrated that she knew exactly where
she was and what she was doing.

They made wonderful, celestial, love again.

Eventually emerging after midday they had a leisurely
breakfast-cum-lunch with their hosts. Later, after they had said their
goodbyes they were sitting in the car:
' I suppose I'd better have a look at your car when I get to your
place. ' he said.
' There's nothing wrong with my car ! '
He realised he had been set up !

' You little ... ' he began, only to have his words stifled by her
lips, as with a giggle, she flung herself at him and wrapped her arms
around his neck. He prised her away.

' You - and all those inane messages just when I was getting warmed
up. Us - alone in the library, you - cold and frightened, - both of us
being invited ! ' To each accusation she had nodded vigorously. ' Are
we a team or what ? You the brains and me the sucker ! ' She was
giggling uncontrollably. ' And another thing ! ' he paused, ' Why have
you stopped kissing me ? '
HUMPHREY SMILES

That first wonderful weekend together was five years ago and they have
hardly been out of each others sight since. Their love has grown from
strength to strength and their lovemaking they appreciate with all
their senses, as indeed it should be, plus the magic ingredient of
laughter.
Oh, yes, lovemaking should be fun.

Humphrey ? He never stops smiling. Even though he frequently comes
between them.

Richard Early