Between the lines Chapter 17

Singapore was Asian in all aspects, but it had a western flair to its Asian roots. Chinese temples, old Chandu shops or opium dens converted into pretty tourist shops, high-rise buildings, a little India and a Chinatown, it had it all! The smells of the city reminded me of my visits with mom to the farmer's market in Ranchi as a child. I enjoyed working in the city.

My company was an auditing co, and my job in the company was to research on service excellence. I had no idea what it meant, but nevertheless, I researched on tools that tried to evolve an economic logic that could support it.   I found my job thoroughly enjoyable, there was something new to learn every day, but the work culture of the city seemed to overwhelm me sometimes. People worked very hard, and people worked long hours. Partly because working long hours was a part of the Asian culture, and partly because Singapore was much more expensive compared to some other cities in southeast Asia, so people intentionally worked harder, as they equated it with chances of earning better salaries.

"Why the hell do you have to work till eight in the night", Hubert had asked me over the phone. I could not explain to him, that people often stayed back in the office till 9, and usually went home just to sleep. "This is a different world", I had replied. My rented house in Holland Village, a prime location in the city, was no larger than a shoebox apartment. But I loved it because it reminded me of my grandfather's house in India. All of three rooms, a kitchen and living space on the ground floor, and two bedroom units in the two floors above, my semi detached house was far from a sprawling country home, but it had a small back garden with a mango tree and a curry leaf tree, and a few flower plants. Mom was visiting me that weekend, and I was very excited. I had shopped for Indian groceries and had even brought a few pots and pans in preparation for her visit. 

"This is lovely. It is so serene and peaceful", mom said. We were having tea in the back garden. I had left office early that evening, as I wanted to spend time with mom. As I was folding my laptop and leaving for home, my colleague sitting next to me had commented, "So early, It's only 6 pm?"

The mango tree in my back garden was flowering, and there were small tiny flies, that swarmed the tree. "I think you should call in a spraying agent, it seems like the tree may be infested", mom said. I nodded, holding my warm cup, with the edge of my palms. "How is Dad", I asked. "He is busy with his work, He is growing older you know, we both are", mom said. I relapsed into silence. I was very wary of what mom might say next and dreaded her queries. But that day she kept quiet to my relief. Mom continued, "Parenthood is a unique journey. There is no right or wrong way of parenthood, and a right way might as well turn into a wrong way". I nodded. We sipped tea in silence. I had initially delayed my marriage plans, as I wanted to get settled in my job. But now Hubert was not so keen on moving to Singapore, as he had found an interesting project in his company, and wanted to stay in the US for a few years. We had several arguments over the matter and had both let our ego clashes challenge our relationship. Every time my parents had tried to talk to me about my marriage, I had avoided the discussions, and they knew I was not comfortable with the discussions. I knew they were a bit frustrated about the situation, and I had put their patience to an ultimate test. I knew it was unfair on my part to demand such understanding from them, and now I was restless too. The silence started to raise a gnawing discomfort in me.  "Would you like to go for a movie tomorrow mom? It's a Friday, and I can come home early", I said. "Excellent idea", mom replied.  I showed her some movie trailers to pick and choose from, and we pre-booked our tickets online. We cooked dal curry and rice that night. I had a hearty meal after several months.

Friday, mom and I went for a movie. It was a Hindi movie on a mythological character. I hated the movie, but fortunately, mom loved it. After the movie, we had a late dinner in a nice open food court. Food Court's were the life and blood of the city. Everyone ate there, from cleaners to senior managers and even the multi-millionaires. There was no class distinction here, at least not to my foreign eyes. Mom found the smell of the food court overpowering, but she loved the food.We ordered 'roti prata' and 'ice kachang', local delicacies (one of Indian origin and another of Malay origin). We also ordered a Peranakan chicken and vegetable dish. Colonial Singapore had a history dating back to a few hundred years, including its cuisine, and the city's strategic location as a port had attracted businesses from all over the world, especially from the financial sector. By midnight, we had devoured enough food to keep us satisfied for at least a week.

Our neighbor a Chinese Singaporean lady, spotted us returning home at midnight. She was going for a run. She smiled at mom, and uttered a prompt Hello. The weather was hot, and we were almost drenched in sweat walking back home from the MRT station. My mother wiped her forehead with her handkerchief and replied to the social cue with a broad smile. "Your home phone was ringing all evening", my neighbor informed me. "Thank you for letting me know", I said."No problem lah", she replied as she picked up her jogging pace, and raced passed us. "This is impressive", mom said. "They are so health conscious. Running at this hour is not easy, it needs a lot of discipline", mom said. "I know", I said, as I finally opened the gate lock. I was still getting used to the locks in the house. The gate was automated, but sometimes, the automatic button did not work, and the key also sometimes did not turn in the lock properly. I was finally able to unlock the front gate and door. Mom, rushed to the phone, to check who had called. There was just one missed call on my home phone. "Is that Hubert's number?", mom asked, looking at the dial list. "Yes, mom I said, throwing the gate keys on the coffee table. "Maybe you should call him now. It is day time there, right", mom said enthusiastically. "Yes, mom, I know. I will call him tommorrow morning. I am tired now", I replied and plonked myself on the sofa. Mom sat in the sofa opposite me. "Is everything ok between you and Hubert?", she asked a bit hesitatingly."Yes, mom", I replied sighing. "Then we should fix a marriage date, don't you think so? Hubert can find a job in singapore at his own pace. I dont mind that, but I mean it has been two years since your father and I have been waiting.Now it is getting to a point where our patience is weighing us down", mom said, in a slightly sad tone.I understood what she meant, but I had hoped Hubert would have found a job immediately after I moved. But it seemed difficult for him to find one, and now he was not too keen either to find one. I was not sure if I had made the right decision to move to Singapore, at least from my personal life point of view. Mom did not pursue me further that night. We were both tired, and we both understood that there was no point in delaying things further.

I couldn't sleep that night. I was restless and was not sure how Hubert would react, but I decided to talk to him. I was upset that he had decided on stalling his job search plans, and he knew that. I was also upset that he had not bothered to think of our lives from my perspective. He was always so engrossed with his work, that it seemed imperative to me, that I did the thinking when it came to decision-making in our lives. I called up Hubert the next morning. It was night time at his place, and I could hear roaring music in the background. We spoke about my mom's visit and Hubert's latest project. I had to shout out loud, but I did not want to wake mom up in the room below, so I walked out into my tiny garden. "Let's get married", I shouted over the phone. "OK, let's do it then", he replied. "I can't hear you", I said. "I will call you back", Hubert said. Tears rolled down my eyes, I was not sure why. To me, marriage was the biggest event of my life. Somehow Hubert's reaction to my proposal killed whatever enthusiasm I had that morning. The phone rang an hour later. I did not feel like picking it up. I was upset. What was I upset about, I was not sure. The phone kept ringing.

I had fifteen missed calls from Hubert by that evening. I had gone for a run. Mom had followed me to the nearby park for a walk. When I came home, I ran the bath, and poured my favourite scented oil of mandarin and magnolia in the bath. My handphone rang for the sixteenth time. I picked it up. "Are you ok", Hubert asked. He sounded frantic. "What time is it at your place?", I asked, my voice devoid of any emotion. "It is 3 am here. Are you upset about something?", he asked. "No", I replied, curtly. "Sorry I was out with my friends yesterday. I couldn't hear you properly because of the noise. Yes, let's get married. We can plan out our work later, there is no hurry", he said. Was I sensing enthusiasm in his voice? I doubted it. "I was thinking we could perhaps do a formal event in Germany or in India, wherever you choose", he said. Tears rolled down my cheeks almost choking me in the fluid.I was crying. I didn't reply.

"Are you crying?", Hubert asked."Yes", I replied, clearing my throat. "Why are you crying? Did I say anything wrong?", Hubert asked. I sensed a slight irritation in his voice. "Because you are so matter of fact about it", I replied, bursting out into tears again. There was silence, for a few minutes. Then there was a sigh, and then he replied, "Do you want me to fly down to Singapore? I have a meeting Monday morning, but I can cancel it". I was still crying. I was not sure why. "Why should I want you to fly down here?", I said, trying to calm myself down. "Ok, I will take a flight, whichever is the earliest one. I will see you tommorrow. And I love you very much", he said.