A Delegate for the Different

Linnie, in response to "In the Sweat Lodge," asked me what my
greivances against society were. I thank her for giving me the
opportunity to lay out some of my thoughts on the matter, in a
constructive sort of way.
Linnie, I won't lie to you; I'm not abstaining from alcohol right now.
And I probably should. If I get even a couple drinks in me, I get way
too daring for my own good. But I'm sober now and I've been keeping it
to two beers a day. And I'm in a good life situation right now. I'm
about to graduate from college with an English degree. I have every
reason to expect to be accepted into a Master in Business
Administration program, and the DA dropped the charge against me.
When I was a child, I was bullied heavily because of my highly ackward
gait, my glasses and my different personality. The teachers, etc.,
didn't interfere with the bullying. One day on the bus, I had made
these fun colored paper hand puppets. Well, a bully tore them all up,
just out of cruelty. My dad complained to the school. They did nothing
to the bully, Doug Blair; their suggestion was that I sit in the front
of the bus from then on. In Europe, anti-bullying programs are
standard, just a part of making schools a nurturing environment. But
our society views bullying as a sort of survival of the fittest
situation. TV programs like "Saved by the Bell" encourage this sort of
behavior.
The next way that society harmed me was by failing to accept people
with intellects like mine. I am a highly thoughtful person. But
"thought" is not valued in our school system or our economy, much to
the detriment of the latter. In school, when I was ready to learn about
the history of the world, the ideas of our age, etc., I was forced to
memorize facts. It was always memorizing facts, whether the subject was
Math, History, or Science. Furthermore, authoritarianism and whole
group punishment was the norm throughout my education. Social status:
girls, friends, etc., was reserved for guys who could run fast or move
a pigskin. I, who was an accomplished creative writer and painter, had
to eat lunch in the library. It wasn't until I landed a writing job
with the city paper that I gained even a nominal social acceptance and
it involved a lot of pointing and whispering, like I was some kind of
freak.
Moving on, our society doesn't provide jobs for creative, intellectual
people. Now, some people pretend that this is just what the market
demands. But a modern economy is a highly organized entity; values are
chosen by leaders and these leaders are morally responsible for their
actions. Thinking people such as myself could make massive
contributions to this economy if only we were given a place in
it.
Okay, now we get to the crimminal justice system. About a year ago, I
had a physically abusive girlfriend. She attacked one too many times
and I gave her a right hook. The justice system put me on the rack.
From the police to the DA to the judges, the whole system was highly
biased and unfair. After I had settled the thing, I went on match.com
and accidentally wrote the anonymous profile of my ex. This was truly
an accident and I passed a lie-detector test to this effect. But
"domestic violence" is a horrible evil that must be killed, whether an
individual is guilty or not. Besides, cops like don't like long haired
Bohemian kids. They pressed "contempt of court" charges and only
dropped them after my poor mother went into debt to hire a private
lawyer.
I never had a substance abuse problem before these charges. But I am a
sensitive person and I have trouble coping with persecution without
something to help me re-focus. The drugs and alcohol that all this
drove me too probably did more damage than the legal persecution
itself. But that did a lot of damage, too. On its basis, I was denied
entry into the teaching school for which I had chosen my current major
in the first place. For the first time in a year, I can legally leave
the State of Oregon.
And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I might have a
bright future. And, you see, that's what people need to not abuse
substances. And there are a lot of great things about this society but
there's a lot of room for improvement, too. And there are a lot of
people out there who are different and they are persecuted by this
society. Maybe they're a little deformed, a little damaged in the head,
or maybe they just don't think the way the authorities want them
to.
And I'm one of them; maybe you are, too. I'm blessed to be decent
looking, articulate and even from an upper-middle class background. But
inside, I'm as gnarled as any of them. And I've been thinking about it
and realizing that really that's my identity: I'm a delegate for the
different.