Canvas Oil sun

The morbid morning wakes me again, I know I am selfish only thinking
about myself, but the rain outside, just dwells on the way I feel
today, and the way I will feel for the rest of my life, I have never
cried so many rivers that have lead to may bewildered seas, and I am
lost on the paper boat that is sailing across my tears of pain.

I met Michael when I was painting the sunset, early one summers
morning, I was at a fragile age to fall in love then, I was only 17,
and he, oh how he was the light of my life. Unexpectant on that humid,
hazy morning that fate would bring an angel in discuise to my path,
stubbling over my oil paints, sending my canvas to a shuddering,
smearing fall, with me sitting bewildered, with a tiny paintbrush in
one hand, and the other covering my shocked mouth, as I looked at him
with an overpowering gaze, which may have come across cold and wicked,
but in my eyes he was the one I had been waiting for all my life.
To apologise for the ruined picture and paints that Michael had caused
by falling when he was running that morning, he treated me to
breakfast, how I never thought I would go to breakfast with a handsome
man, let alone a stranger who was sickly gorgeous, had the best blue
eyes I have ever seen and a chisled face that brought out his wonderful
smile. That morning changed my life forever on that wonderful hill
filled with such amazing flowers of all kinds, and the sunset that
enlightened my life with Michael.

We spent 10 beautiful years together, I loved holding him in my arms at
night and feeling his wonderful heartbeat next to mine, looking deep
into his ocean eyes I could see our future together forever. We dreamed
the same dreams, laughed at the same jokes and had the same interests,
I loved him more than life, and overwhelming feeling always chilled my
body as he told me 3 words that I loved to hear, and how he held my
hand to make me understand that he felt the way I did about him, our
love was like a burning shining star, We enjoyed looking in the depths
of the sky and naming stars, how romantic it was to fall asleep under
the stars.

My life it was complete, I had a beautiful huose with Michael and I
made money from my landscape paintings being sold, we had everything,
our love was everything. I had Michael and thats all I wanted, for him
I would do anything. We were also at that time trying for a baby, what
a dream come true if I fell pregnant with the man of my life's
baby.

Then out of the blue, Michael told me something that made my whole
world crumble around me in an instance, he told me in calm words not to
worry but all I could do is lay in my bed and cry at night and wake to
cry again. I was going to lose Michael! Michael had cancer! I was angry
at him for not telling me that he had found a lump in his testes and
been to the doctor, but I was glad I had him in my arms at that moment,
and that moment of my life I will never forget, holding him as he
sobbed and stroked my tearful face and held my hand like before and
told me he loved me forever, I told him the same, and from that day on
Michael's health deterioated rapidly.

Michael went for chemotheraphy, and went through all the ins and outs
that cancer patients had to go through, he lost his chesnut brown hair,
and he told me he thought he had lost all his pride, I cried and prayed
for him to get better everynight, it began to make me feel sick and I
was under so much pressure, I felt selfish being so intwined with my
feelings, I tried to be happy but I was'nt I loved Michael with all of
my heart and soul, and he was leaving me.

I woke up to the sound of Michael being sick, the chokes blemished my
cries in the background, and straight after I would be sick. I would
look at his face so pale and drawn in, his eyes so sunken, but his eyes
so blue so gorgeous, I loved him. I would forever, I don't know how I
ever let go him go.

Days went on and my angel began to deterioate in my own arms, how
painful it was to have him holding onto me and cherishing all of his
gulps of air, and thanking God for everyday that he lived, and praying
that tommorow would be a better day. I knew that I had to get him to a
hospital, as his ashen complection turned completley white and every
breath he struggled with.

That night at the hospital, the news that I had been reluctant to hear
rang in my ear drums, Michael only had days to live, Precious as he was
to me I was going to lose him and he was going to lose me, we were
going to lose each other. I could'nt look at his face when I heard the
terrible news, but he pulled my face next to his chest and told me that
he loved me, how words could'nt explain the love I felt for him, how
words could'nt express it. Michael told me he wanted to leave the
hospital and spend a night with me on that hill where we met, he said
it would mean so much to him.

I had been having aches and pains but I thought it was due to stress,
and my periods went completley, so I decided to have a check up, an all
over examination from the doctor, the doctor told me something that
made me cry my eyes out for the first time with happiness I was
pregnant, then once again those eroiding tears burnt my face, Michael
would never be with me and our baby, how was I going to tell him?

As me and Michael walked upto the hill on that starry night together,
he held my hand tight, we went to the spot where I was painting and
that beautiful day we met , oh what bliss. We layed under a blanket and
talked about all the good times we shared, we looked at the stars
together and Michael named two stars after us. Michael said he wanted
to stay up and cherish the sunlight before he went, saying that people
take advantage of the sun. We held each other so close, then we looked
at the stars again, the 'Michael' star fell out our vision, it was a
shooting star, I told him to wish on it, and he said that he would have
his name carried on, and wanted me to use it, that was the perfect
moment to tell him I was expecting his baby, his blue eyes made my
heart flutter and a smile grew, he was so happy, but then he broke down
in a million tears, telling me how life was so cruel and how he
could'nt live in the same world as his child, and how he misses it
already, he told me of plans he had of holding and kissing the baby,
and how he would never be there to take care of the baby in person but
always be there in spirit. Tears he was crying and the pain inside we
were both trying to fight, became a battle to us both.

The sun was soon to dock in our vivid view of landslides and valleys,
Michael held my stomach and he did'nt have to say no words, I could
feel the love, once more we layed looking in the distance and the
orange ball of radiance glowed, slowing beggining to set. From that
moment I knew I had to let go of Michael, as he held and kissed my
stomach and told me he would always be with me and our baby, my stomach
moved, the baby had kicked, the sun had set and Michael at that moment
died in my arms.