Interview Transcription: Session 2 (Love & Marriage)

Transcription of session 2 – Love and marriage (opposition), research interview conducted by Miss Sleeping Beauty. Interviewee: Lime Green.

Sleeping Beauty (SB): “Once again: Hi Lime Green, please can we confirm that you are aware your session is being recorded for research purposes?”

Lime Green (LG): “Yes, Miss Beauty, we can.”

SB: “Great, thanks. Right, I trust you are feeling better after the manner in which you left yesterday?”

LG: “Heh heh, yes, thanks. Man the thought of that guy… I’m not going back there, so gross! So, shall I continue from where I left off?”

SB: “That would be great, but before you do, I have mentioned you and my research to a few colleagues and they have suggested that this might not be genuine research as they see it is as purely another platform for a feminist rant. Do you have any comments to make on their suggestion?”

LG: “Let me guess, it was a man who made the ‘suggestion’?”

SB: “I’d rather not place a gender on the source, so that you can answer freely, without bias.”

LG: “Sure thing, I’m cool with that, but I’d still place a hundred on the source being male ;-) … Feminism… let me think… Me a feminist? ... No, I’m not a feminist at all. If I analyse what I said in the last session, I could see that the “Brothers” Grimm leaving me out may be seen as me buffing off the male race, but please do recall that it was My Mother who was the one who decided I was not worth mentioning. She made the decision to leave me out, not the men. I’m not sure what the men would have done with any information on my existence. It wasn’t like they paid much attention to anything but ‘getting the story’ quickly to meet their deadline. It’s easy to be happy to leave out un-researched, vague information that was never followed up on, especially when you’re on deadline. Any knowledge of me was not in their immediate vicinity and nor was it signed off by my Mother to give them the rights to use me, as I was underage at the time.

Feminism… As far as I’m aware, or, rather, in my interpretation from what I’ve gathered (I’ve never found it necessary to go into feminism, it has far too many aggressive connotations as far as I’m concerned), ‘feminism’ is about furthering women’s rights, and promoting women’s rights and interests and getting them the status of ‘equal’ to men. With this definition in mind I can’t say that I’m a feminist at all because I firmly believe women are ‘better’ (for lack of a ‘better word’) beings than men, and internally stronger too. Not equal, but superior, when it comes to the factors I regard highly and I give priority to. Others who give ‘physical strength’ status would rate men as ‘better’, but that is only one factor to argue on, which is rather weak really. There’s also the “less emotional” argument, but I think that many men repress emotions, and that that is less healthy that expressing them… I think my apathy with regards to feminism is similar to the whole ‘Devil’ theory. In my mind and my belief system women in general are superior, so there is nothing to argue or fight for because it is a fact to me. Like I fully believe in God the Creator being the source of Love and that Love conquers all, so the Devil is seriously a non-entity and there is no argument, because, in my mind, God has won, Love has won, so there is no need to fear. Women have proven themselves awesome despite men putting them down and taking ‘automatic, unearned superiority’, despite less physical strength and a society of patriarchy that puts them down, women have risen, given birth, conquered regimes and glass ceilings and have done so much and earned so much through sheer perseverance and hard work, that it is so obvious in my mind that women are incredible, and that feminism is pointless (like the Devil is pointless)… not sure if that makes any sense to you at all! I have never been very good at explaining all that runs around in my brain, especially as so few others see things the way I do, so I have no other sources to use to explain myself, I’d be quite terrible at academic essay writing where you have to back up everything!

So with all that I just mentioned it would appear to me that I can’t be feminist, so maybe I’m elitist? Maybe I’m reverse sexist? Maybe there isn’t a box that I fit in to make other people feel comfortable about what, or who, I am? I’m not sure. I simply look at the facts and experiences I’ve had and, after years of observation and living, I honestly do feel that woman, in general, are stronger, healthier and more holistically balanced beings than men, both intrinsically and in behaviour. Naturally, I can see the whole male population of the about 10 or so who actually read a psychological research journal, being up in arms over my statements above, but that’s the way I see it and you’ve asked me to be honest here.

Let me back up my statements with some observational cases in example: A rather large contingent of the men I know are the most miserable, useless sods around when they are sick. Quite literally their world is ending and they are unable to do anything and the whole world must feel sorry for them because they are sick; then I look at my female friends who dose themselves up with whatever, still cook, fetch kids, do their jobs and just get on with it, practically completely ignoring the fact that their body is shutting down because they are serving other people who they rate as more important than themselves.

Secondly, if I look at an average month for an average family, obviously leaving out my royal connections who have servants for everything, I see the following: The woman, cooks, cleans, washes, irons, organises her life and the lives of family members, feeds animals, works to earn an income because living is so expensive, makes sure all family are decently clothed and looked after, takes herself and children to check ups, carts all and sundry to different activities, keeps the admin, budget, bills and groceries on track, has tea with friends in trauma, looks after colleagues at work who need help, ensures in-laws are kept in the loop. If there is a tiny baby you can throw in breastfeeding, nappies and clinic visits. During this month she will carry on going and doing all of this through crazy emotional changes in her menstrual cycle, through unbelievable pain as her body works through its cycle of making sure she is healthy within her womb. I can’t think of all of the other things right now, but I know there are more – like sewing, baking, gardening, mending, plasters on cuts, taking out thorns, holding a crying child or friend, doing homework, bathing and making sure teeth are cleaned and all the rest. The men I have encountered, go to work and sit at a computer screen or in a maintenance / repair / client / supplier role (only one mind you, seldom two, never more than that, unless it’s a sole-proprietorship), have business lunches, work according to their own timetable, play golf, watch sport, go to the pub, and if their wife nags enough about it, they may take out the trash and/or mow the lawn. Of course, not in giving, but in receiving: they require sex and food for all their ‘hard work’. I have been appalled to learn that some of them have actually called their wives “useless” and one even threw the meal his wife cooked into the bin in front of her because he didn’t like the taste.

I’ve also noted that if he can’t get away with making himself feel more powerful through emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse, then some revert to physical abuse to show that they are more ‘powerful’ and ‘must be listened to’. Most likely because they have an inferior role at work, or have been belittled or bullied at some point and they need to vent it somewhere: on her.

Analysing this scenario it draws me to the conclusion that most men operate on the premise of strength through power, domination and fear. Keep her scared, so she won’t leave. Keep her scared, so I have the power and she will obey me. Women, however, appear to operate from the strength of love and service. Women, despite everything, keep going. They have limitless strength to stand in the face of fear and danger and protect those whom they love by doing whatever they can. Their resilience in so many cases astounds me. Often, I must admit, I just think: “Stupid. You chicks are stupid! Why hang around for naught but doing all the work and being used without thanks whilst still having to deal with the emotional stress that inherently comes with being a woman?” The only answer, once again: love. They do it out of love, many in a very warped version of the concept, but falling under that name nonetheless.

Not to seem like I’m in support of all women, indeed I am not. Some are so needy and desperate and others have learnt such vast abilities to manipulate men through that easy to get to little boy in his pants, that their motivations are far from love and based purely in their own messed up psyches of how love works. My guess would be that parents have created all forms of youth and all youth are a reaction to whatever their parents did, and their grandparents and great-grandparents and so on.  Once again this would mean that I am not a feminist because here the woman has made herself less than able to be equal to the man because she is using the inherent vulnerability of the head in his pants to get her way. This is an extremely low-level manner of behaviour and as manipulative as anything else when used as a long-term manner of ‘getting my way’.

Flipping the coin on my ‘hanging around’ question’: Why do men stick around? Well, it appears many don’t. I stand to be corrected, but I think men go off and have affairs, create the calls for divorce and live through disastrous mid-life crises far more than women do… and still, the women go on. Such strength, even when society is looking down on them for “not being able to keep their man” (A nonsensical judgment, from my perspective, that makes me want to kill things). It amazes me. And yet men still think that they are superior to women and patronize us. It astounds me, especially when it seems so obvious which gender is actually keeping the love going in society… but, I guess, if your goals in life are money and power, then yes, women would seem weak, because power is seldom high on their lists, but sadly, probably due to lack of reciprocated love, money is becoming of higher value than love these days for both sexes.

I was actually astonished the other day because whilst I was cleaning the waiting room, as I work for Cinderella’s woman owned company, because it is frowned upon for women of position (Ha! My only ‘position’ is “in-law”!) to work in the kingdom of Far Far Away; a lady due to see the doctor was telling another patient how awesome her husband is and how the two of them have found a great balance to look after kids and share responsibilities across the board, and how much more she loves him now than ever before. It brought joy to my heart to hear the story. Maybe, just maybe, the men of the future will wake up and realise how wonderful loving and serving is, and how unsatisfactory and self-destructive the desire of money and power is, and most of all how annihilating the use of fear to control is… I can only hope… maybe the shift will include gratitude for the amazing women in their lives too!

Still, these sessions are about why I have steered away from dating and love and marriage. Other than my belief that the Universe is good and it will supply whatever I need, when I need it, and that clearly hasn’t involved men up ‘til now; I’m staying single because I will not end up with a manipulator. I do not see the point in strapping myself into a legal agreement where a guy can do the bare minimum in operating the TV remote whilst I have to work out everything around his lazy arse, and on top of that almost beg and barter and negotiate for him to get up and help.  Why would I choose that when I can carry on looking after me without the stress of me and dead-wood? I’m a natural helper and giver. I’ve lived through the emotional and mental abuse of my mother and still manage to cook, clean and look after her as is necessary. Yet, that was who the Universe put me with by blood connection. A husband isn’t a blood connection, he’s a choice, he’s someone who should uplift you spiritually, emotionally and supportively, not degrade and belittle you and then run off to have a sulk when you don’t do what he wants the way he wants it. Not someone whose ego is so fragile that the minute we enter into an adult conversation about working through something he gets defensive and starts to blame me!

The worst, absolutely the very worst scenario of marriage for me, is when someone ends up with someone who is a manipulator/ controller/ emotional and/or psychological abuser, and it is so very subtle and full of reverse psychology, that by their old age, the innocent and naïve partner has turned into their worst half, their other half. I’ve seen that happen over the last few decades too. It is a horrible horrible thing to watch someone lose their beautiful self to doubt and belittlement that has been gnawing away at their subconscious for years… “No my love, you really should…”, “But my love, you never…”, “Oh sweetheart, you know I know better… and I love you that’s why you should do as I say…”, “I’m providing for you, so you need to…” and on and on and on until one day both halves are as nasty and manipulative as each other and they think that it’s ‘normal’ and ‘right’. Meanwhile, both souls died to the true meaning and practice of love and marriage many years earlier. I do not want to end up with some slick, spiritually retarded, self-absorbed, disabling other half… that’s why I’m staying away from marriage until every fibre in my soul, mind and lastly body can work together as one in agreement that it would be a good idea and improve my life to be with that person for decades.

My word, I’ve said a lot and I don’t even think it was all connected to the feminism question!”

SB: “That’s ok Lime, some very interesting pointers came out and you aren’t being judged at all. I’ll sift through all the transcriptions when I come to compiling the research and I’ll take out what I need. Thanks for this. Shall we take a tea break? This all gets quite deep and draining!”

LG: “Cool. That sounds like a plan. Thanks. Lead me to the tea.”