Footloose But Not Fancy Free
By southern_northerner
- 393 reads
Yesterday I went to work with no shoes on; this was
accidental.
Discovering this had caused a moment of high stress and horror as
during my 90 minute drive, I had wriggled my sock clad toes around the
accelerator, and realised that not only should I not be able to do that
but as I glanced to where I believed my shoes were in the car, they
weren't.
I quickly realised the implications; a mixture of cold sweat and a hot
flush broke out. The whole day would have to be spent walking around in
socked feet, everybody would of course notice, particularly the King
Edward on my left big toe and the sparse thinness of the heel of my
left foot sock. I would constantly have to explain my state of undress
and the ridiculousness of the situation, as it was a complete
mistake.
This wasn't the first time that a totally self-inflicted crisis had hit
me, and if there is one thing I can learn from these experiences it is
that I must be more prepared for such situations, and to learn to take
them in my stride. This shoe-less incident rated slightly lower in
severity than the time I accidentally shaved my own head?
Then, I had simply forgotten to put the spacer back on the trimmer
after I had oiled it, easily done I say! I had also not been able to
look in the mirror whilst self-shearing, the wire being too short and I
guess I should also have stopped as soon as I saw the large amount of
hair falling on the floor, though I had merely thought to myself how
much I had needed the haircut. I only stopped, whilst half way down one
side, when my wife came in the room. She stopped mid step, mouth open
and stared incredulously at me. I at this point stood up and headed to
the nearest mirror.
I came perhaps the closest I ever will, I hope, to a heart attack as my
shiny half dome appeared to me; this was not helped by my current
wife's hysterical and uncontrollable laughter. When she composed
herself, she agreed to continue around the rest of my head and perhaps
it is not necessary to explain that I have not been allowed near the
hair trimmer since. I was only partially saved by the petrol strike, as
work meetings were cancelled and my hair had a chance to recover; 4
weeks later people were still commenting on how short my hair was, if
only they had seen it when I first did it.
So, these things happen and so there was also a perfectly good
explanation for my latest predicament. You see, I am recently, during
this hot spell, in the habit of removing my shoes whilst driving home.
A pleasant enough experience, one of life's simple pleasures as I
release my encumbered tootsies from their leather restraints into the
freedom and the fresh air of the foot well, I look forward to this and
yes I am usually passengerless. Of course on arriving home I sometimes
haven't taken my shoes in the house with me, preferring to stroll to
the front door "au naturelle" and carefree. When I've done this, the
next morning, on searching for my shoes in the house, and unable to
find them, I realise that I of course left them in the car the evening
before, so in the car I jump and off I go.
However the fact I couldn't find them yesterday was entirely due to not
looking properly, and I had not actually left them in the car the night
before. So convinced was I of this that I didn't look in the car for
them and with all the other things to remember? such moments of
carelessness can have major repercussions.
As I trundled north on the A34 and realised the basic equipment that I
was lacking, other than trying to buy some somewhere, I was really
stuck with only 2 choices. Number one was to continue on my way; the
consequence of this would be the other people's hilarity that I would
have to suffer on having to explain how, "I forgot my shoes".
Option one could not really exist for another very good reason. Only
the very day before, in a moment of "surely I cant be THAT stupid" and
knowing the possibility could happen, I had jokingly told my work
colleagues that one day I might have to come in with no shoes on and I
explained why. I had obviously, and with alarming foresight, predicted
my own stupidity. They had all laughed along with me, no doubt thinking
"no-one can be THAT stupid". I could not therefore, in no way,
whatsoever, the very next day, appear in just my socks.
Option number two was to "do a Uey" and head back to base. Being 45
minutes into my drive this had major timing complications.
I desperately attempted a third choice, I phoned my wife and asked her
to meet me somewhere, anywhere, with my shoes. When she stopped
giggling and explained that she too had work to go to and would be
leaving very shortly, in the opposite direction and besides, exactly
where did I propose that we rendez-voused? I had to admit, I had to
sort this one out myself.
So the choice was obvious but no less painful, I came off at the next
junction and headed back. I had actually been on schedule to arrive 20
minutes early with a rare element of contingency allowance in my
journey, based on having woken up early, but the heavy traffic I
noticed in the opposite direction on my way back home only made matters
worse. I ran in the house grabbed my shoes and leapt back in the car to
repeat the first half of my journey again.
My arrival, after a three and half hour journey and over one and a half
hours late was explained by an accident on the M3 motorway, which was
true, and which had put my situation into it's true irrelevance, and
also by a contraflow on the A34 dual carriageway, which was also true,
however I do now admit to being economical with the truth with my
colleagues.
I now have turned my attention to avoiding this happening again. For
the same reason that my car keys are connected to my wallet, I think
what I need is a string from shoe to shoe running up and then down the
adjacent trouser leg, similar to how mittens are retained for and by
toddlers. This however may prove uncomfortable. The solution I have
come up with is simpler; I will put a spare pair of shoes in the boot,
never to be touched except in times of high crisis and carelessness.
Sorted!
I knew I had to provide a solution as this could just happen again and
the fear of that was high, also, I received a text message today, from
my nearest and dearest, suggesting that I check whether I had my shoes
on or not!!
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