Mushy Pea Trousers
By southern_northerner
- 406 reads
Dads "Mushy Pea" Trousers
By "Southern Northerner"
Whilst managing, on a rare occasion, to accompany my wife and daughters
on a shopping trip, in a fruitless attempt to control the family
expenditure, I spotted a rare and unmissable bargain in a fashionable
clothes shop. So trendy is this shop in fact, that even I have not
bought anything from this chain previously.
Normally, joint shopping trips become a blur of identical stores
offering remarkably similar products to each other, as "girly shopping"
methods dictate that they all need visiting for comparisons.
Apparently, I have been known to yawn so hard on entering yet another
shop, that allegations of a psychosomatic reaction have been made in my
direction. I have counter-claimed that shops obviously reduce their
oxygen levels to make purchasing decisions confused and so lessening
ones ability to think straight, hence producing my "yawn effect",
however this particular bargain did not produce a yawn from me.
My actual involvement, or I would like to think worthwhile
contribution, on such trips has previously descended into the holding
of bags and waiting by the door, and trying to look matter-of-fact,
unconcerned and "new manish" whilst hanging about the Ladies changing
rooms. However, the bargain in question, which attracted my attention,
had several favourable factors going for it.
Firstly, and of unquestionable attraction was the price, just ?1.99 for
a pair of new trousers. A whole pair of trousers, no legs missing, no
holes or stains and of no doubt such high fashion that they were on
sale in this shop, and what luck, they had a huge and unmissable pile
of them so bound to have my size. The unbelievable original ticketed
price of ?99.99 quite frankly staggered me, as perhaps someone
somewhere had once actually and unfortunately for them, parted with
this much money for a single pair of these trousers. The descending
series of price reductions reflected in the number of over-laid
stickers only indicated how lucky I was to have been there at a time
when they were now so, well lets face it, "cheap". My wife, who does
have some previous experience of shopping, pointed out that we were in
the Factory outlet of this store and so obviously, they couldn't
actually flog them through the normal High Street locations. I was not
to be put off by this minor detail.
The next question had to be about sizes, would they have mine? Or would
it just be a shelf full of items for Pavarotti proportions. No,
incredibly they had my size, average as it is, and in fact they had
many, many pairs of them. I instantly and decisively, and I have to
admit I was keen in case they suddenly sold out, asked my wife for ?2,
as I wanted a pair of these bargain trousers.
I am seriously restricted regarding the "carrying of money whilst
shopping" following my infamous "too short trousers" incident and an
emphatic, "Absolutely, no way!" was my darling wife's instant, and in
my opinion unreasonable, answer. She continued by pointing out that I
was "not going to buy those trousers!"
Imagine my surprise at this rebuffal; obviously, that old problem that
they were just too cheap was an issue. The theory that things are only
good if they have cost a lot of money has never washed with me.
"But just look at the original price" I said "a hundred quid!"
The mother of my daughters then explained to me her real reason for her
reluctance to release the ?2 to me.
The Colour!
Admittedly these trousers were somewhere between "best chip shop mushy
peas" and recently mowed lawn,
"But so what, aren't bright colours "in"" I said,
"Yes but not that bright" she replied.
"Dad you just cant buy them!" said the eldest.
"They are almost luminous", added the youngest.
However I insisted and almost demanded the money. They refused point
blank, all of them did. To my shock I then remembered that I had been
excused from "hanging about looking guilty" and whinging too much,
somewhere around shops number 5 or 6 and I had been allowed to buy a
newspaper; and I still had the change!!!
I grabbed the nearest 32" waist 30" leg, I now knew my size and marched
triumphantly towards the tills. No trying on malarkey was necessary for
me! I knew what I wanted, I was a "Shopper" on a mission, I'd seen a
bargain and I was having some! Meanwhile my female co-shoppers did
their best to pretend they were neither with me nor related to me and
headed in different directions whilst I queued with my pending
acquisition.
Returning home I was delighted with my bargain, a perfect fit, and paid
for out of the loose change in my pocket. A definite result!
Unfortunately, my 2 daughters didn't quite appreciate the true value of
the purchase I had made. I explained that at one pound a leg they were
a bargain but the youngest added,
"You don't have to see them Dad" and I could not disagree. However,
they were very comfortable, good quality material, and my only regret
was that I hadn't bought 2 pairs as that way they would last twice as
long of course, but no doubt the others would be snapped up and sold
out that very day.
All-in-all a bargain! Comments that I would have to walk 20 yards
behind any of them if I wanted to go out in public in my spectacular
bargain legwear were met with a corresponding disdain.
However my luck was in. So pleased was I with my bargain that I
deliberately accompanied my wife, it was no accident, and my two young
ladies, to the town centre again the very next weekend, a painful
enough ordeal as this usually was. Imagine my joy at seeing in the
store an equal size pile of my bargain trousers. In fact, there could
even have been more of them then last week; how lucky! Obviously they'd
had more shipped in due to their popularity, but even more surprising
was the price, now down to just 99p!! Incredible! Now just fifty pence
a leg. I resisted getting over-excited and burning a large hole in my
pocket and bought just the one extra pair, prepared as I was this time
with the contents from the back of the sofa cushions.
This confounded and confused my accompanying ladies even more, but I
was showing them what proper shopping was all about, none of this high
spending on irrelevancies type thing.
"But you already have some! Why do you want some more?" they
unanimously chirped, but they could see I was determined and just said
that "at least they could do for in the garden".
"You must be joking" I replied "they are far too good for that. 200
pounds worth of trouser! In the garden?" Indeed, fortunately I already
have a pair of perfectly good gardening trousers, they were from the
previous referred to foray into buying for ones self, the "too short
trousers" incident. Admittedly, they had been too short but with 2
swift snips of the scissors I had converted them into ideal gardening
shorts. Now slightly trimmed to a natty "above knee" level, they have
fortunately found a good use. My latest purchase surpasses even these;
for an average of ?1.50 a pair, or 75p a leg as I prefer to think, they
must be the all time bargain.
Now, a couple of months on, my regular appearances in my so called (but
not by me) "Mushy Pea Trousers" brings groans of,
"Oh no Dad, not the trousers again" but as I point out smugly, it just
appears as though I wear them frequently because I have TWO
pairs.
Strangely, my dear wife has found it necessary to explain to neighbours
and friends that not only does she wash them regularly, "He has two
pairs!" but also that she had "nothing to do with buying them, he chose
them!"
Of course why should anyone question this, do they think I am incapable
of buying clothes for myself!
Strangely again, and now I come to think of it, they havent appeared in
the ironing pile for some time. Hmmm, something fishy going on here I
suspect, I must investigate.
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