Tv Listings

TV Listings

BBC ONE

6am-6pm
Does it honestly matter. You should be at work anyway. If not have a
lie in or go and get some fresh air.

6.00
The News and Weather
Needs no introduction really

6.30
Newsroom South East
News doesn't seem so serious when Rob Curling does it.

7.00
This Is Your Life
Michael Aspel gives too much away in the first minute and spoils the
surprise for everyone.

7.30
Holiday
Yeah, like we can afford to go there.

8.00
Eastenders
If the East End is such a cheery, cockney larf, why are they all so
miserable?

8.30
Ground Changing Front
The programme where they rebuild your garden inside someone else's
house. With Carol Frownie, Charlie (she'll regret it when she's older)
Dimmock and Quentin Poof.

9.00
The News
A repeat of the 1979 classic with Richard Whitmore.
Regional News; Weather

9.30
Dad
BBC comedies aren't as funny as they used to be. Ah, I've just seen
what's on next. My mistake.

10.00
New Series Bread
An edited version with all the serious and poignant and generally
unfunny stuff taken out, leaving only the comedy to stand proud on it's
own. Last in the present series.

10.01
Sportsnight
The cream of (what's left of) BBC sport is on offer tonight,
International Cat Hooping, Pro-Celebrity Tiddly-Winks and Golf. Still,
that's what happens when you start having women presenters. It's tragic
really.

11.15
Parkinson
Again, Parky chats to a few people who can only wish to be as famous as
he is.

11.55
The Late Night Film
Dreadful TVM that has been on TV seven times in the last ten years.
With one of the women who used to be in Charlie's Angels.

BBC TWO

6am-6pm
Follows the general pattern kids-learning-kids-learning-high brow
business lunch-travel-girl's sports like tennis or something
horsy-politics-chat-cooking-chat-quiz for saddos, you get the
idea.

6.00
Star Trek
I never did get science fiction. It's just not believable.

6.45
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Now that's what I call true to life by the seat of your pants
realism.

7.30-9.00pm
No one watches this bit so we always put Fred Dibnar on.

9.00pm
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Seriously unfunny piece of BBC twaddle. I mean honestly, who's going to
find this funny?

9.30
Horizon
Switch over.

10.30
Newsnight
Yawn

11.15
Late Review
GO TO BED

ITV

"Does anyone actually watch ITV anymore? Okay I do. It's okay, I can
handle it. So I do ITV a bit. I can take it or leave it. It ain't like
I'm addicted or nuffink. You know, so Coronation Street is on at 7pm, I
choose to watch it, I don't have to. So I do a bit of The Bill at 8pm.
We all do."
Sooner or later it ends up being Judge Judy at 2.50am.

ITV SCREWS YOU UP

Channel 4

6am-6pm See BBC2

6pm
Dishes
If only life was this simple. Go out with the person who doesn't try to
poison you.

6.30pm
Hollyoaks
Large collection of friends, none of whom are ugly. Weird.

Channel 5

Nothing much of note, apart from a bit of smut later at 11.20pm.