A - Introduction

Have you felt empty, or sad for weeks? Do you cry without a moment's
warning, for no reason at all? Do you know Jesus as Savior and Lord of
your life, yet your life seems worthless, pointless? Have you had
trouble sleeping, or lost interest in everything?

Maybe it's someone you know, even love. Something has changed, and you
want to help, but don't understand. When you ask what is wrong, they
don't have an answer. Someone you love is hurting, but you're at a
loss.

It costs the U.S. over 43 billion dollars a year, and eighty percent
of the cases still go undiagnosed. Left untreated, it will steal your
confidence, your relationships, your memory, and eventually your life.
One in four women and one in ten men will grapple with it, most of them
convinced they are alone. Meanwhile, it will change the lives of at
least three to four people close to the victim. Early detection
increases the chances of managing it successfully, yet it's symptoms
are often unnoticed, or shrugged off.

Perhaps you have already heard a diagnosis of depression and are mired
in fear. With no point of reference, you're left unsure of your
treatment options, and the possibility of recovery.

I have been where you are. As depression slowly stole almost
everything I had ever believed in or trusted, my family and friends
stood helpless and confused. Now, over three years into treatment, we
all know more about mental illness than we ever could have guessed. And
the news is not all bad.

Major depression is a serious, even deadly disease, and it is far more
prevalent than you might think. Classified as a mood disorder, it is a
mental illness. Those two words strike fear, and even panic, into the
souls of society at large. Images of 19th century asylums, filled with
empty stares or incoherent mumbling and far off screams fill your mind.
Who knows what one of the mentally unstable will do?

It's hard to get past the fears and falsehoods that shroud the
diagnosis of depression, and I realize there's a lot of information,
some of it complicated, about depression and it's causes and
treatments. First and foremost, remember it's treatable. People with
depression can lead productive, even happy lives.

"I don't want to rely on a pill to make me normal."

"I'm a Christian. That's what the Holy Spirit is for."

"I have a mental illness? I'm a mental case?"

Have you heard any of these? Maybe you've said them. I have, many
times, and usually through tears. With so much to learn about my
illness, I had the usual reaction; confusion, fear, failure. It's my
prayer that this book will help you or someone you love as they start
on the road to a new and better world.

Five years ago, my journey began. I was beginning my second year at a
well paying job where I excelled. I had finally found a church home,
and was happily serving God with the talents He had given me. Recurring
headaches resulted in CAT scans and so many other tests, I lost
track.

Finally, I was diagnosed with migraines. Over the following two or
three months, the migraines became a daily occurrence, and each week, I
missed more days than I worked. I was on heavy pain medication,
spending most days alone in a dark apartment, hiding from the light
that made the pain unbearable.

One afternoon, my stepsister drove me to the doctor's office for an
injection of painkiller. Back home, I crawled into bed and watched the
ceiling turn. Within an hour, I tried to get up, but found I couldn't
even sit up. Even when motionless, with my eyes closed, I could feel
the world spinning. I managed to get hold of the phone and dialed. I
tried to talk to someone, but the sounds were all nonsense.

Later, my mother let herself into my apartment. She had to help me get
dressed and down the stairs to her car. I didn't realize it then, but I
wouldn't spend another night in that apartment.

The next day, Mama explained that I had called my grandparents, and
Grandma recognized my voice, but I wasn't coherent. Frightened, she
called Mama as soon as she hung up with me. That was a Friday night and
Saturday morning. Monday afternoon, Mama took me to see my
physician.

Sitting in an exam room, my doctor cautiously explained that he
suspected I was suffering from depression. He wanted me to start taking
Prozac. I started crying, but agreed. I cried all the way to the
pharmacy, and then all the way home.

I said to myself, "You must have unconfessed sin. Otherwise you would
have the joy of the Lord."

I imagined others saying, "She just needs to trust God. If she would
only have faith, she would be fine."

One of the things I hope you will come away with after reading this
book is the realization that clinical depression, and mental illness of
any kind, is not a spiritual problem. Before your mind throws up all
the possible alarm reactions to that statement, let me clarify.

I have come to realize that depression is not a result of refusing or
ignoring God; it is not a sign that you are living outside the will of
God for your life. Our Lord and Savior went through a short period of
depression just before He made the sacrifice that gave us eternal
life.

Throughout the Scriptures, we see that Jesus had emotions, and even
moods, like we all experience. He was moved with compassion at the
ailments and deformities of those who sought His healing touch.

During a time of extended teaching, He felt for the crowd who had
listened so long with no meal to sustain them, yet after such a time,
He often sought time alone, away from all company. He wept at the tomb
of His friend Lazarus, even though He was about to raise him from the
dead. Jesus grew angry at the exploitation of the people in the temple,
turning over tables and chasing out the dishonest vendors and
moneychangers.

When He came to the Garden of Gesthemene, He knew full well what the
next days held, and He grew deeply depressed. In Matthew twenty-six,
verse thirty-eight, Jesus says to his closest friends, "My soul is
overwhelmed with sorrow, sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and
keep watch with me." (NIV) At that moment, Jesus revealed how truly
human He was.

Even Jesus wished for death in search of peace. Did he know He would
defeat Satan? Did He know He would defeat Death and the Grave?
Absolutely! He knew what He faced would bring peace not only for
Himself, but for everyone! Was He out of the will of God? Did He have
unconfessed sin? Jesus Christ was without sin, yet He saw death as the
preferable choice.

I have found great comfort in that. In the midst of the darkness of
depression, it was easy to believe I was alone. Even though my friends
and loved ones tried to reassure me of their love and support, I felt
cut off, isolated.

But Hebrews 4:5 states, "For we do not have a high priest who is
unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who had been
tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet was without sin." (NIV)
While every problem a child of God faces has spiritual implications,
mental illness is not a spiritual failing. It is a physical, emotional
affliction, and one that can be treated.

As misunderstood as depression is by society at large, I found that
the Christian community can be even worse. Not recognizing our
ignorance, we pronounce judgment with little or no basis. What appears
to us as a spiritual problem is actually a physical illness.

I have seen many of my brothers and sisters in Christ feel they have
to hide their illness or treatment, not wanting to face the reaction of
their church family, forfeiting the loving prayer support they need so
much. Even worse, some who are suffering believe the falsehoods, and
never seek help. There is so much shame associated with mental illness
that victims and their families live in bondage.

The first step toward freedom is understanding what depressive illness
really is.