Words of Wisdon to a Teenage Grandson

Dear William,

Now that you are a teenager, here is a guide to some basic misunderstandings which may, just possibly, occur. Your parents may be too shy to tell you some of this but you know that you can rely on good old Grandad for the ABSOLUTE TRUTH…

1. When you say you cleaned your room why is it that your parents don’t understand that you mean you cleared a narrow access between the door and your bed…
2. ‘Study’ has a different meaning for some people. But you know it really means eating, texting, and watching something on a screen with an open textbook nearby…
3. You are right, you are royalty but somehow born into a family of peasants…
4. You have a messy room; you have private things; you spend more time on a screen than you’re supposed to; you go to bed late. Hell, yes! You’re a normal teenager!
5. When your parents tell you you’re telling lies remind them of the tooth fairy, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.
6. According to your parents you’re “too old for that now” – which means having you are fun… and also “too young for that yet” which means having even more fun. God they’re sooooooo boringly sensible. You’ll never be like that when you get older will you… Of course not.
7. Your parents will never understand that you’re not “talking back at them” as they say… you’re just explaining, aren’t you. We both know that.
8. Why is it that your parents cannot understand that sometimes you are just too tired to do the washing up – but that does not mean you are also too tired to use your phone or play a game online.
9. When you call out to your mum or dad and they don’t answer, so, it’s no big deal is it. But when they call you and you don’t answer they make it out to be World War III!
10. So finally, are you tired of being harassed and misunderstood? Act now! Move out, get a job, pay your own way. Quick, while you still know everything…