The Shower Faerie

Why, hello. I'm not that great at formal introductions or anything, but I suppose all who are notorious should have some sort of trademark greeting. I am, in essence, the Shower Faerie.

Oh, what so a big fat man in a red suit down your chimney gets more credibility? You know what, I am so sick of being under appreciated. You guys have faeries of all kinds just fluttering around in the figments of your imaginations, and if they're lucky enough they actually get their own dolls or stickers crafted afterthem. Tinkerbell. Don't even get me started on Tinkerbell. Having her own movie and a cute little dress with a matching wand fashioned after her. She doesn't even do much. If you call fluttering eyelashes at Peter Pan over there and making pretty sparks explode out of a wand all day worthy enough to be made into a movie...well, I'll eat my own glittering dust. Amateur. In my days, faeries weren't even't allowed to wear such scandalous attire. Faerie skin is precious! Don't you know? A sweat bead from a faerie can be used to quench a week's worth of thirst. Well, now that I've got you interested, I can tell you about what I do (and perhaps earn a higher spot in your imagination)

I am a Shower Faerie. No, I am not an expert at taking showers or perhaps creating gigantic magical bubbles for giggling fools to poke at while in the bath (although the Bubble Faery, a hilarious archrival of mine, thinks it a rather important task)
Have you ever wondered why even the most grave people, the ones that grunt and spit all day in the office and glare at you when you offer them homebaked cookies, are able to sing James Brown in the shower? Have you ever wondered why the vocal chords decide to let loose when it's just you and your showerhead? How the manliest football player can sing Alicia Keys while in that secretive place?

It is just so funny how what your species calls scientists gives the credit to the water and steam, how supposedly it filters out things in the vocal chords and lets it run more smoothly. That is pishposh, magical rubber if I may say so. Water certainly does not make your species go so dandy and irrelevant as they wash themselves.

That's right, RE-COG-NIZEEEEE my fellow bewildered humans. It is I, the Shower Faerie at work. I prance from showerhead to showerhead (I am miniscule and can choose to wear the color of air if I'm feeling it) and I start to dance. Before you get all PG-13 on me, I have not what you humans call eyes, so any form of nudity is unknown to me. I just understand. I am an imagination, I have no humanly senses as you know them to be. Anyways, at the sound of water, I am always compelled to dance. It is one of my favorite pastimes. It is when I move, that I emit song steam into your shower. You mistaken it as just steam, unfortunately. This steam not only provokes you to think about your entire day and overanalyze situations, it also stretches your vocal chords at the same time. You will feel overly emotional. When you finally open your mouth to release that Jennifer Lopez or Josh Groban, I have fun with that and start doing some of my specialty moves. If you sing opera, I will purposely only dance on the tip of my toes so to produce suspense song steam, which allows you to sustain high notes that you've never thought possible before. I know, thank me later. I let you play out your imaginary superstar role. If you rap, I will emit flow steam so that all your words rhyme perfectly even if you don't know what in the powdermuffins you're saying. You are welcome, 50 cent. Which brings me to point. Celebrities think they're all that, that they were "naturally gifted" with their vocals. Um, hello. Only after doing my prolonged ballet solo did Christina Aguilera get that fabulous range with her voice. And Beyonce honey you only have that class because that day I was extra generous having eaten one of the most scrumptious meals ever offered by the Kingdom of the Figment of Imagination. (Mind you, most of the times those meals are just sad because some things that kids dream up are just nasty. No Tony, gum pie isn't very edible at all)

So you might call me a false ego-booster. Why give people that unnecessary boost of confidence when it's not really them with the talent? Sigh. This one is hard to explain. You see, from our Kingdom...we've been watching your species. The things that are in your imaginations. They are becoming more and more vile, more and more destructive. Visions for peace are replaced by visions for world dominance; cures for poverty are deemed too unreachable and are replaced by mindless machine ruling. The dreams of the youth are the only pure ones left. That's why out of everything in my day I have to do...I take the most time dancing in their showerheads. I pour my heart out for them. They need that extra boost, that extra I can. You know what I mean? That shower place is all they have against the world. I know kids- they are themselves in that place. And you bet they sing their hearts out. You bet they let their dreams soar as far as infinity takes them there. As members of your imaginations, we do the job of making the intangible more tangible. We tell the little girl she can be bigger than her bully, that her worth is up there with the stars. And me? Well, I know I've been stressing my importance and being all bitter about being underappreciated and all that. But I exist to help foster these dreams, and make sure your species doesn't abandon them forever- as they are close to doing.

Although next time, when you shower. Out of generosity do dream me up a delish meal- my favorite is the thousand-stacked pancake with heavenly syrup. Thank you. Oh, and what your species calls God does not belong to our kingdom of Imagination so please do not get things mixed up. Toodles, I shall now go perform a Bohemian number somewhere in Japan, where an old man has just finished his sashimi.