The Gulls on the South Pier

The gulls on the South Pier are unruly bastards. They swoop down and steal chips out of young children’s hands.  The North Pier gulls, on the other hand, are polite ad well-mannered. They sit peacefully and wait until you've finished your chips and have left - taking only discarded chips.

The South Pier gulls make a dreadful racket, squark, squark, squark, a noisy barrage of unpleasant sounds. The North Pier gulls have beautiful sonorous voices, and chirrup gently to each other. They also perform songs on request; the Beatles, Oasis, Dire Straits.

At the North Pier outdoor concerts the gulls love to listen to Shostakovich and Beethoven, sitting silently and appreciatively and sounding their appreciation at the end. At the South Pier the gulls squark away to Showaddywaddy sweeping down min-song to steal hot dogs and generally annoy.

I go to the North Pier as often as I can. I don't live there, of course. My parents have a nest on the South Pier, near the Karaoke. The North Pier gulls are very polite to me, though some point out that I don't really belong there. Squark. I'm not really on of them.

Squark. Squark.Squark. Givus yer chips. Squark.