The Mouse That Killed Tom Brady

The Mouse That Killed Tom Brady
by
Michael Murphey

Tom Brady was the most average man, you'd ever meet. He was average
height, average
weight, and average looking. There was nothing extraordinary about Tom
Brady at all. So why would
a quite little field mouse, create such a clever and extraordinary plot
to murder such an unextraordinary
man, as Tom Brady? We may never know why the mouse went to such great
lengths to plan the
demise of this poor, simple man, but we do know one thing...he did it.
There can be no doubt about it.

The whole affair started on December 15, 1999 at approximately 2
o'clock in the morning.
Mr. Brady was on his computer, probably visiting a Christian website.
(Mr. Brady was a devoted
Methodist) After finishing his web surfing, Mr. Brady decided to make
his way into his living room,
most likely to watch a documentary, or biography on the Arts and
Entertainment Channel...when the
first stage of the mouse's plan went into action. The mouse sat on top
of his sofa, crawling back down
behind it, just as Mr. Brady entered the room. He waited just long
enough for Mr. Brady to see the tip
of his tail...then vanished.

In a panic, Mr. Brady ran to his hall closet and grabbed a flashlight.
As quick as an average
man can muster, he was on the floor, peering under his sofa...and
there, waiting, was the field mouse.
One would assume that if the mouse (which is capable of moving much
faster than Mr. Brady) truly
wanted to get away, he would have had no trouble doing so...but
instead, he waited on Mr. Brady to
shine his flashlight. Then he stood still, making sure that Mr. Brady
knew that there was a mouse in his
home. For several minutes Mr. Brady stared at the mouse, wondering if
he might move...but he did
nothing.

This was when the second stage of this nefarious scheme moved into
play. Since Mr. Brady
always kept a tidy home, obviously he wouldn't have need for something
like a mouse trap, so in the
middle of the night, Mr. Brady ventured out of his house to an all
night grocery store. He stopped and
went inside. A few moments later, he came out with, of all things, a
non-lethal mouse trap. It was
not Mr. Brady's intention to do any harm to this evil creature that had
invaded his home...unfortunately,
the same cannot be said for the creature himself.

It is my opinion that the field mouse must have planned this event
days, possibly weeks or even
months in advance for the next part of his plot to unfold without a
snare. On Mr. Brady's way home, a
cow wandered onto the road, directly in front of Mr. Brady. Once Mr.
Brady saw the animal in his
headlights, he immediately slammed on his breaks in a desperate attempt
to avoid the creature. He,
however, did not succeed. The "accident" instantly killed both Mr.
Brady, and the cow.

Now, there has been quite a bit of speculation as to the reasons this
cow may have been on the
road. Some, wanted to blame his owner, others considered it a tragic
event that could not have been
avoided, but I have proof that the field mouse had been in the same
field that this cow grazed in, a mere
48 hours before the "accident". It is my belief that the cow was
either, suicidal, or perhaps terminally
ill, and the field mouse's extremely powerful tactics of persuasion
convinced this poor, sick animal, that
he would be doing the world a favor by acting as he did.

As you can clearly see, there is no doubt as to the truths in this
matter. The field mouse must be
punished. One cannot, in good conscience, blame Mr. Brady for what
happened. He was merely
trying to rid his home of pests, and, inadvertently, fell victim to
said pest's evil plan. Mr. Brady lost his
life because of this demon spawn, and for what? A thirty minute romp in
the trash? My friends, you
must find the field mouse guilty, and no punishment less than death by
trap will do this case justice.

Thank you.