Lucky Punch

This story is not about a fruit drink or Mohamad Ali.
Carmela was born and raised in downtown Brooklyn. Daughter of Italian-
American parents, she was raised protectively. Family life was sweet
for her, this little girl being the recipient of much love and
attention. Shy as she was, she grew into a very respectable teenager,
never causing distress to her mother and father. Smoking, playing
hookey, sleeping around, these were not things she would consider
doing.

Not being the most attractive girl in her circle of friends, this late
bloomer usually assumed the role of "friend" to her male piers, which
turned out to be a valuable asset later in her life. Boyfriend was not
a word in her vocabulary, however, her friendship skills flourished
while her romantic skills did not.

While her appearance improved, her shyness and timid personality
remained in tact. Her friend thought she needed help so it was then, at
age nineteen that her first real dating relationship started.

It was a blind date proposition, beginning with writing to her friends
cousin, a Vietnam Vet, a Marine, soon to be discharged, returning to
the states in a few months. Carmela was very comfortable writing to
this man, however, as the time drew closer for them to meet, she became
frazzled. This was no high school boy, this was a soldier she was going
to meet, to date, a real a man, so it seemed.

Not having much experience, actually, no experience at all with men,
this dating was an overwhelming situation for her. While enjoying the
excitement of having a real boyfriend for the first time, going out,
receiving the attention and affection of this man, fighting off his
sexual advancement was all a bit too much. As the relationship
progressed it became evident that if she didn't put out soon, he'd be
gone. She knew she liked him a lot, and maybe took it for love.
Inexperience can mistake love for a hundred other emotions. Deciding to
run with it after a year of dating, she made the big statement. "I will
remain a virgin until I get married, it is how I was raised, take it or
leave it." The Marines had landed and she landed him.

Her desire to be married stemmed from the trend of her friends all
getting married, the timing was right, and her desire to finally have
sex was the deal clincher. Besides all that, coming from a happy home,
it seemed like a good idea. So they did it, they married and had sex.
And it was a good thing for her. Woke her right up, yes it did!

The road was paved and the direction had been taken. The first three
years of that union were similar to the early years of her upbringing.
Lots of love, attention, it was a good life. She took pleasure in the
simple tasks of pleasing her husband, keeping a clean and comfortable
home.
As they got to know each other more intimately as happens when living
together, it became apparent that their personalities were quite
different.

He was outgoing, aggressive, daring and adventurous. He had a flair
and style for life that he could not afford. He liked cars,
motorcycles, games, toys, and extravagant hobbies. She just wanted
living room furniture. Things worked for him all right, and for a long
time, because he could control her. She never gave him a hard time
about spending money, she was just a good complacent wife, until he
lost his job. That's when the honeymoon was over, when she found her
voice. She was no longer a timid child. She was tired of supporting his
pleasures and supporting him!
It is amazing how people get along when the boat is not being rocked.
It has to be real true love if the rocking of the boat doesn't sink it.
This boat sank fast and hard.

Why wouldn't a wife be upset if she works all day at the office while
the husband wakes at noon, proceeds to play handball on most days of
the week, still indulging himself with games and toys, without a care
in the world, adding marijuana to their household budget.

Carmela was now the head of this family, and needed to take a stand to
put things back on track. It's one thing to be a part of a team, to
work together, 50/50, but this unbalance was not only foreign to her,
just seeing their roles reversed set off an alarm in her head. She did
not want to be the mommy. She did not want the entire load. It was too
much for a small girl to carry, too heavy on the heart.

With many unsuccessful attempts to get this ex-marine motivated, life
was not much fun. The changes in the marriage did not make sense to her
and she knew only one thing for sure. She could not fix it and she
could not live this way.

After three more years of struggling with the instability of his
career choices, taking verbal abuse from a disgruntled husband, she
knew she would someday leave. In the back of her mind she was afraid
for herself, having been the victim of a push or shove, a show of his
bad temper, the verbal abuse. She kept making excuses to herself,
putting it off, waiting for a better time, a time when she was ready
and could afford to. She no longer loved him, if indeed he ever
did.

And then the enviable day arrived, the day of the LUCKY PUNCH.
Arguing over some silly thing, he right hooks her in the face. The
effect was awesome, the pain more spiritual than physical. It was the
moment of her decision.
There is a deep knowing that will lead you to your destiny. People will
certainly influence your life as will circumstances, but ultimately the
decision is yours as to the road you want to take, the life you want to
live. If you are strong and smart and if you do not let the waves sweep
you in directions you don't want to go, you will succeed. And so she
did, succeed.

It did not happen immediately. It took another two years for her to
actually leave him. In the mean time, she developed her own strength,
while enduring the pain and the punishment every day, knowing it
doesn't rain forever. She entertained herself wildly as a down payment
to sustain herself while she waited for the cell doors to fly
open.

She did not have the money she would need to start over on her own,
however, she did have a plan, and that was an encouraging start.
Knowing how to keep a secret, especially from her family, Carmela
became an expert liar and started to execute her plan. She opened a
bank account in her name only, using her mother's address. Carmela
would lie about her Christmas bonus, stuffing money into that account.
Gifts to her from family were spoken of at half value, the other half
stashed away. Her grocery bills were inflated as to trim the excess
into the till. She lied about how much she made, how much she spent,
she lied just about everything.

Like a prisoner chipping at his cell, each chip, each dollar was paving
the road to freedom. Who would have thought this simple girl could
become so calculating, so smart. Her survival instincts kicked in. Some
of that rough neighborhood rubbed off on her after all.

One cold day in February, as she sat in her bedroom looking out at the
view, iron bars on the window from first floor living, with fourteen
inches of snow piled against them, projecting a feeling of intolerable
suffocation. She knew the time had arrived, she had get out. She could
feel it in her bones, the need to make her move. But how? Then the
opportunity presented itself;

As the husband enters the room, he notices her sullen mood and does his
best to pull her out of it. His attempts of offering her food, his
suggestion of a walk outside in the snow. These offerings did nothing
to alleviate her mental state and she remained unresponsive to him.
With this observation, he asks her what is wrong. Instead of the usual
made up reply; PMS or some such thing, she responds "I am just not
happy here". With that reply from her, he goes into a state of rage,
telling her to get out, saying he has tried to make up for his bad
behavior of the past. Nothing he ever does pleases her, he will not
longer eat dirt. He had had enough of her and her moods.

Then he decides he will try what has worked in the past. He starts with
his intimidation routine, get her to cower, and she will then make
excuses for her words and take them all back, reassuring him that she
really wants to stay. But, this time, she does not do this. This
enrages him even more. His patience with her now gone, in a violent
motion, he picks up the phone to call her father, tells him to "Come
and get your daughter, she is not happy here" She does not stop him
from making this call. She does not interrupt his words as she would
have done in the past, but just sits quietly and hopes her father gets
there fast. This enrages him even more. By the time the father arrives
to pick her up, he is at the point of being a threatening madman,
vowing to kill her and her whole family if she leaves him. She knew he
wasn't kidding.

When the father finally arrives, he tells the daughter to wait in the
car. Minutes later, the father comes out and asks Carmela what she did
to him. "What I did to him?" "Well, yes, I left him crying on the floor
like a baby, with him begging me to talk to you." The husband never
told the father about the punch, but the daughter did. "Who would have
guessed", Well honey, all I can say is I am sorry and welcome home,
stay as long as you like, this is your home. The mother was thrilled to
have her back. The father had known it was a mistake while standing at
the back of the church before he walked her down the aisle six years
earlier.

It was the memory of that punch, that lucky punch that stuck in her
head and gave her the moxie to finally leave. It was with her every
day. Verbal abuse and subtle shoves would have kept her there with him
forever, as time has a way of being forgiving. Instead, she wasted no
time and got on with her life as a single woman.

So, with the $2,000.00 she squirreled away and the clothes that she
owned, she started over, leaving him everything. She went back to
living in her parent's house, independently, enjoying her freedom, not
missing the degradation and abuse from this bully of a man.

Since then, her life has been great. She never got over the elation of
being free or having total peace. Never takes her freedom for granted,
happy for the choice she made. Doors have opened that would have stayed
locked. Friends were made that would otherwise never been found. Loving
relationships would have been unborn adventures. Living authentically
would have been an unfulfilled wish. Conscious decisions that seem
small and insignificant can play a major role in where you wind up, how
you live and the person you become.

In tribute to that ex-marine, ex-husband, wherever he may be, Carmela
sincerely thanks him for that "Lucky Punch" and the opportunity to live
happily ever after, which she did indeed.