Santa Saves Christmas

I have good news! Santa will be making rounds as scheduled on Christmas Eve. Things have been looking bleak for this Christmas around the North Pole until recently. Only once, during the sixteenth century, have Santa and the elves failed to harness the reindeer and deliver gifts to one and all on Christmas Eve. Even during the big war, when materials and good were in short supply, enough gifts and goodies were available to make Christmas successful in a tumultuous world. The problem this year has been with the aging equipment and personnel. The ovens are old. Santa’s lumbago acts up. The elves get more and more temperamental as the millenniums move on. Even thought we have a land of plenty, the delivery system seems a little outmoded. Additionally, Santa wiped out the number one sleigh last Christmas Eve when the retro rockets failed to fire and slow his re-entry at his home landing zone. Mrs. Clause, aided by Rudolph’s nose light, was able to pull Santa, the elves, and reindeer our of a twisted mass of metal, leather, wood, and returned gifts in the North Pole’s largest snow drift. That shouldn’t be a problem since the number two sleigh stays fueled and ready for the reindeer to launch on a moment’s notice.
Problems are possible, even in the best of controlled societies. Back in November, Santa dispatched the two procurement elves, Ed and Gil, to all areas of the world to pick up supplies and gifts that he has now found easier to outsource than to produce in house. Lots of items come from China where labor is cheap and plentiful. There are brass items from Pakistan, tea from Ceylon, chocolate from the Suisse, and a few bottles of wine from France. That’s where the problem came in for 2007. Ed and Gil were picking up the red wine from France and tested a few glasses before deciding to take a spin around France and Europe in the company sleigh. Riding over the ancient buildings, the towers, and bridges, allowed them to see things they’d never had time to experience on Christmas Eve. Seeing the sights created euphoria unlike that created by delivering toys.
The radars were kept busy tracking the sleigh and reindeer as they wandered about aimlessly. Fortunately, the transponder made the air traffic controllers aware of the craft’s identity, but kept them filled with wonderment and questioning, “What the heck is Santa’s sleigh doing sightseeing?”
It was when Gil, the pilot, tried to hot rod over the Alps and gave the aging sleigh full thrust, a maneuver only used once by Santa, when daylight almost caught him back in the nineteenth century. The craft paused, shuddered, and flamed out on all thrusters. The reindeer tried bravely, but could not keep the craft flying. Their crash landing was on a slope with minimum damage, but a long distance from civilization. Rudolph was dispatched for help as the sobered elves and reindeer huddles for warmth. The snow in the Alps is a barrier to travel at this time of year. Somehow Rudolph managed to get through to a camp of Basque separatists who followed his lighted nose back to the sleigh. The Basque men carried the craft back down the mountain into Spain.
Santa was notified of the plight and thought of retiring on the spot. “Finances are down,” he thought. “All charities have taken a hit on donations for some reason. My lumbago hurts. The elves are becoming unbearable; However, Christmas must go on!”
Santa knew it would take elves years to hand produce turbines for the sleigh, and to have a turbine rebuilt commercially would cost million. Airbus industries, the world’s second largest aircraft producer, heard of the plight and kicked into action. They found the old model turbine plans and started work. Rolls Royce sent parts form England. Pratt and Whitney got involved. Boeing flew in parts from Washington State. China Air flew in Teak wood from the Philippines to help with sleigh repair and reconstruction. Planes from all parts flew in with cedar, brass, gems, and gifts to be distributed when Christmas Eve rolled around. Parts and gifts came from Muslim countries, from Buddhist nations, and from communist countries, from the rich and poor.
Today, the craft will be test flown back to the North Pole with Ed as pilot instead of Gil. Gil and Ed both have to take an alcohol awareness course and go for another check ride and recertification in the craft.
There’s a tremendous load of presents on board, and Santa is assured that Christmas has been saved for all.
A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.