CB's and Sex

It must have been around 1981 when I was first able to get my hands
on a CB radio. The craze had begun in 1976 with the release of the film
'Convoy' but it wasn't until I was 14 that my brother bought one. By
then it wasn't as popular as it had been but there where still huge
aerials in the back gardens of many of the houses in the town. My
interest was really only casual, however, I did want to know what all
the fuss had been about so I made up a handle (Code Name) for myself
and had a go. So there I was, a 14 year old boy calling himself
'Voodoo' on the airways and switching from channel to channel to listen
to peoples conversations. The voyeurism of it had a certain appeal,
people would be chatting and you where able to just listen without them
ever knowing that you where there. Every now and again I would put a
call out on channel 14 for somebody to chat to, when somebody replied
we would switch channels and chat away. Usually we would talk about
things that weren't really that interesting to either of us, it was
talking for the sake of talking.

On one occasion I began chatting with a woman who was a huge fan of
Demis Roussos. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no big thing against
Demis but it's just not my sort of music and I was only 14. I kept
laughing at her and being quite merciless in my attack on her idol. The
reason was that I honestly thought she was joking. I couldn't believe
that anybody would openly admit that they loved the music of Demis. She
eventually cut me off and I never spoke to her again, can't blame her
for that.

There was also the juvenile aspect of using CD Radio. Permit me to
explain. There was always a rumour that if you abused the airwaves it
was possible to be tracked down and have your CB burned out. This was
not true, however, I and most other people didn't know this so on
occasion we would quickly but in on peoples conversations and then
disappear before we could be traced. Just for the hell of it. It was
very similar to telephoning for a taxi and then hiding when it arrived
(which we also did). Basically, we (and I've changed from I to we
because there was always more than just me on these occasions) would
find a conversation in full flow and then turn the microphone on and
off in an annoying fashion or just shout profanity's. The
conversationalist would use CB jargon and agree a new channel to talk
on and would disappear, we knew the jargon as well and wound hound them
all over the airwaves. It served no purpose other than to fulfil our
juvenile sense of humour.

I used to know a lot of the jargon that was used, here some that I
still remember:

10-4 OK, message received
10-6 Busy, stand by
10-10 Transmission completed, standing by
10-11 Talking too rapidly
10-20 My location is
10-23 Stand by
10-27 I am moving to channel
10-41 Please turn to channel
10-91 Talk closer to mike
10-93 Check my frequency on this channel

They always made me feel a bit silly when I used them.

Eventually I ended up actually meeting somebody I had been talking to.
She was 23 years old and didn't like Demis Rousoss so she had a lot
going for her. It was her idea that we have an 'eyeball' (meeting) and
she gave me her address which was about five minutes cycle time away.
We'd been chatting off and on for a few weeks and had got on well
together so, in the turmoil of all those hormonal juices flowing around
my 14 year old body, I was absolutely sure that she meant to take me
straight up to the bedroom and have her wicked way with me.

As I cycled along I whistled, 'So here's to you Mrs Robinson etc..',
you can see what I was thinking. I leaned my bike against the hedge
outside her house and walked up the pathway. After a short pause to
draw a deep breath I knocked on the door. She answered quite promptly.
The first words that went through my mind when I saw her (the words are
still burned into my brain somewhere) where "Oh my god it's Maxine
Chappel". Now at this point you don't know whether this is a good or a
bad thing, so I best tell.

Every town has a bike (somebody who sleeps around a lot as in 'has been
ridden a lot') and Maxine Chappel was our town bike. I have no idea why
this came to be but everybody of my generation knew her to be so though
we knew nobody who had ever claimed to have any sort of relationship
with her whatsoever. For a split second I froze but decided that
regardless of whom it was with, there was sex on the menu and I was
hungry. I went into the house and immediately realised that there in
fact was no sex on the menu at all, there wasn't even likely to be an
entr?e. There in front of the television was her husband and in the
corner was her son playing with some toys.

I sat for about half an hour and had a cup of tea and a chat, they
where all really nice people and it was good. I must admit to being a
little confused and frightened at first but this was all to do with
what was going on in my own mind and nothing to do with anything they
had done.

On the journey home I realised something that has stood me in good
stead ever since. It is always better to find out what people are like
by yourself, to form one's own opinions and not just accept the
opinions of others.

Later on I discovered something else as well, keeping you mouth shut
only enhances your reputation. I only told one person what really
transpired that evening and they never let slip. Everybody else assumed
my silence to mean I got laid.

It was only many years later that I realised that my silence also meant
that Maxine's reputation was further damaged. Still, that wouldn't
really matter much to a 14 year old boy who has almost concrete proof
that he isn't a virgin. That in itself was worth its weight in
gold.