Whiskey &; The Big Stethoscope Dog

The puppy had been throwing up all afternoon and portions of the
ejected paste had been deposited all over the yellow living room rug.
Something needed to be done about this reprehensible, foul smelling
gook spewing out of the cute looking canine. Two hours back, yours
truly Sumit Bannerjee - music television producer and diehard
audiophile had arrived home at 6 pm looking forward to a hot cuppa tea
and some loud music on my new hi-fidelity speakers. But as soon as I
stepped inside my house, my auditory canals picked up the last puke of
the day while my eyes scanned the ravaged rug while my olfactory nerves
began to enter "protest and revolt" mode! Damn puppy. I hated dogs. No
actually I wasn't sure about that one. All the love in my heart would
come out pouring towards the little furry bundle when it wasn't peeing,
crapping or chewing the ends of the teak furniture but when it did
indulge in the aforementioned activities, my hatred for the Puppy and
indeed all its other brethren of the species increased manifold. Today
evening definitely involved a heightening of the latter emotion.

Only a week before, I had sluggishly said "Yes" to the "Can we keep
him. He's cho chweet?" request by my live-in girlfriend Namita one
listless Monday morning after which the awfully cute, brown fur-coated
pup who had been found roaming dazed and confused in the compound of
the apartment complex was promptly deposited on my quilt covered lap
while Namita rushed off to work. Now I had never ever lived with a pup
in my entire lifetime thanks to my wired hyperactive mom who was
absolutely terrified of dogs and my father who really could not really
care less about giving a shelter to a domesticated animal. Not that I
ever wanted one in the first place. It's just that things happen. Now
that the pup had found its way into the inner sanctums of my sanctuary,
I guessed that it would be alright to have the animal around. What harm
could it possibly cause? But then, I hadn't accounted for a puppy's
seemingly abhorrent aberrations like the arrogant attitude of his
bowels and kidneys which were always in overdrive, regardless of the
time, place and situation. Over the last seven days my rage had met
with previously uncharted heights of passion on discovering the
ramifications of the adoption. The freshly purchased hardbound Khalil
Gibran now looked like a time-ravaged termite eaten tome after the pup
gnawed away at one corner of it for a good ten minutes. Besides any
protuberance of the furniture worth tasting was chewed upon with an air
of finality and irreverence. I, who had never encountered the habits of
a young canine, was filled with overpowering thoughts of vengeance,
horror and helplessness. But with Namita calmly vetoing all efforts by
my hapless self to throw the pup out, I had reconciled myself to the
situation at hand by looking up the internet on toilet training a pup
and asking a few dog lovers around about reducing the effects of the
destructive and angst inducing behaviour of the pup which was
eventually named "Whiskey" in an alcohol induced party at home.

So today, after Namita arrived back from office where she worked as
the secretary to the GM of a car firm, both of us set off to a vet. It
was my first visit to an animal doc while the dog loving Namita was
quite familiar with at least two vets in the area having treated and
administered first aid to a few car-hit stray dogs and puppies in the
past. But this guy that we were visting - Dr Sanjay Chawla had just set
up practice in the vicinity and Namita claimed that it would be first
time that she was visiting this particular vet's clinic.

And so I entered the clinic of the vet with some trepidation and
uneasiness because the sight that greeted me put me off immediately and
also raised an inward chuckle. Doctor Sanjay Chawla was a young chap,
handsome but not striking in his appearance. He seemed to be
approaching his mid thirties and looked like he was fit until a while
ago but was prone to excesses and was guilty of recently piling on the
kilos which was evident from a medium sized paunch and a double chin on
a slightly podgy face. He had a boyish countenance characterized by a
round pug nose, a high forehead and delicate features set off by
unusually large ears.

"He looks like a dog. That's right. He does look like a dog. A
giant-sized dog with a stethoscope around his neck." I whispered softly
in Namita's ears as soon as we had seated ourselves inside the clinic
while the doctor inspected some canines in the large cage that formed
the contents of the opposite side of the wall.

"Shush" said Namita smiling indulgently at me.

Goaded by my initial observation and the alien situation in which I
found myself, my rational thought process already coloured by the
visual manifestations of a dog-inhabited world; I found the logical
reasoning of my mind lending itself to visual anomalies and making a
caricature of whatever I beheld. I noticed The Big Stethoscope Dog's
two assistants one of whom was helping him inspect the dog inside the
cage at the other end, steadying the baffled four legged creature by
holding his paws. The two of them were teenaged kids who were working
part time for the vet. But wait a minute.

"Oh my god, his two assistants resemble dogs too." I remarked to myself
and laughed aloud startling Namita who was sitting beside me.

"What's wrong with you? What's so funny?" Namita exclaimed nudging me
with her elbows.

"Nothing" I decided to keep this thought to myself because by then The
Big Stethoscope Dog was removing his gloves and advancing towards us
with a faint glimmer of recognition in his eyes which were fixed on
Namita.

"Haven't we met?"

"Have we? Yes we must have."

"Of course we have met at the A W Shitton Hotel's dog camp they had
organised last year. You don't recollect that day?"
This guy seemed to have excellent memory cells, I thought.

The faint recollection of meeting with the doctor on that routine day
in her previous job flashed across Namita's eyes.
'Oh yes, I remember now." She laughed aloud. "A Pomeranian of one of
the owners had run amok in the lobby that day and everyone had a hard
time catching that slippery ball." Namita giggled as she recollected
that incident. "I do remember that sterilization camp. It's been a
whole year. How have you been?"

The doctor seemed pleased at Namita's recollection and smiled a grin
that spread slowly from ear to ear.
"I've been great"

Ah, so The Big Stethoscope Dog claimed to have met my attractive
girlfriend before; at one of the sterilization drives conducted by a
five star hotel that was known to be partial to the welfare of animals.
Namita used to work in the PR department of this particular hotel which
was part of a reputed chain of hotels around India, before she switched
jobs and vocation as well. Later in the cab, Namita reminisced about
that day almost a year back when he met The Big Stethoscope Dog who
looked no-good to me but apparently indulged in a bit of do-good
philanthropy in his spare time though all this information was just a
pile of doggy-do to my ears anyways. On that day, Namita was attending
to the dog owners on the behalf of the hotel. The twosome had gotten
along pretty well and spent the entire day in gaiety and mirth chatting
away even as they attended to the dogs of all shape, colour and size
whose owners had lined up in the corner of the compound of the hotel
gates where the free drive was being conducted. In the evening, they
had ventured out for a cup of cappuccino and some light banter
following which they soon parted ways with the promise of catching up
later which did not invariably happen. Being an affable and an
innocently nice sort of a girl, Namita would generally befriend most
people who seemed pleasant but would quickly forget about them. Being
in the PR department of the hotel chain also meant meeting and
conversing with an endless stream of men and women, most of whose names
and images Namita would be hard pressed to remember a day later.

"Ahh, so now you have a sweet little pup here. What seems to be the
problem?"

"Oh, what do I tell you doctor! He has been suffering since yesterday.
I could sense his mood was really low. He has been moping around and
has been dead to the world for the last 2 days and today he has been
throwing up. I'm so worried."

"Relax there is no need to worry. Your dog is officially now in safe
hands."

The Big Stethoscope Dog winked at Namita and squeezed a hand of the
officially worried woman sitting in front of him as a reassuring
gesture. With a beaming smile and a flourish, he got up from his seat
and motioned to his two assistants who immediately swung into action by
taking the puppy away from Namita's hands.

'Oh my poor baby, what are you going to do to him now?" exclaimed the
increasingly tense Namita getting up from her seat.
The Big Stethoscope Dog smiled and ran a hand over my girlfriend's bare
shoulders and arms.

"Relax Namita. So tell me what have you been up to?"

Namita smiled relieved at being asked a question that took her mind off
her beloved Whiskey. The Big Stethoscope Dog sure knew how to make a
dog owner feel at ease.
"Oh I quit that job. I am employed at a car dealership firm where I'm
multitasking and learning some accounting skills as well."

"Oh that's nice. But I must say though you're still looking as gorgeous
as ever" the doctor remarked sizing Namita up with her eyes. Namita
distinctly blushed and proffered a garbled thanks.

Now that was an unwarranted compliment.

"Jeez?" I rolled my eyes. The annoyance on hearing the Big Stethoscope
Dog's flirty remark meant for my girlfriend was cut short by a glimpse
of what the two assistant dogs were doing to the puppy in their hands.
The dark skinned dog with the pimples and the glasses slipped a
contraption through Whiskey's head and secured it tightly around him so
that he wouldn't bite while the other light skinned fat dog with the
large droopy eyes held Whiskey's paws. The fat assistant dog's jowls
reminded me of a bulldog's countenance especially with the lower jaws
separated and hanging loose.

"This really is a doghouse" I soliloquised softly. The increasingly
suggestive pitch of the Big Stethoscope Dog's tone of voice in the
conversation that he was conducting with my girlfriend over the routine
medical check up was now becoming very apparent to me. Everything
became very clear all at once. The Big Stethoscope Dog was a cheap
flirtatious scumbag. I reckoned that being a veterinarian afforded him
easy access to pretty girls all the time. As anyone would tell you,
ninety percent of all domesticated dogs were owned, attended to and
taken care of by the fairer species since they just couldn't get enough
of the cuddlesome attributes of their furry pets which most men usually
cared two hoots about. The Big Stethoscope dog clearly took advantage
of his pole position and flirted with the female (and who knows the
males too!) owners by acting concerned, friendly and good natured
thereby immediately putting the anxious women at ease. Besides as any
dog who has been a veteran at the dating game would know - being
concerned, friendly and good natured was the first step that broke down
a woman's naturally mistrusting defences and eventually if one tried
hard enough, opened up the pearly gates between her knees. But what
confounded me was the nonchalance with which the loud mouthed and
talkative Big Stethoscope Dog was openly cavorting and passing flirty
remarks right in front of me as if I did not exist.

The examination of Whiskey was now over. After running his stethoscope
over Whiskey's stomach and ribs, he concluded amidst the regaling
conversation with Namita.

"He has a case of the worms. Very common among dogs. Here's a
prescription. Come back and see me in a week's time. By the way who is
this young man?"

"Oh he's my boyfriend."

The Big Stethoscope Dog looked at me blankly for a moment and then
broke into a smile. We shook hands. I promptly made up a mental visual
of his tail wagging slowly sideways.

"You're a lucky man."

"I know I am" I did not wish to talk anymore with this sod. So I
abruptly got up from the chair to leave. He even refused acceptance of
his fees citing that it was perfectly alright since Namita was a
friend.

With Namita in tow and with Whiskey on a leash, I walked out of the
Big Stethoscope Dog's clinic. I was feeling disoriented and angry at
the way that mongrel had just been flirting with Namita in my presence.
But since he did not go out of bounds, any mediation from my side about
his inappropriate dialogue would have seemed foolish, hesitant and
might I add, incendiary. But I was still mighty teed off at the Big
Stethoscope Dog's behaviour and my inability to do anything about it.
Inside the cab on the way home Namita pooh-poohed the idea of the Big
Stethoscope Dog's flirtations as preposterous and would not have any of
my suggestions that he was a lout preferring instead to harp on the
fact that Dr Sanjay Chawla was an extremely pleasing young man and
nothing could desist from the fact that he was extremely respectable
too. According
to her I was just an incommunicable, mistrustful introvert who needed
to get a hold on reality.

Six months later as I write this again, my initial hunch about the
unscrupulous character of Dr Sanjay Chawla whom I had likened to a
horny dog in the first place proved right. He did turn out to be a dog.
Me and my girlfriend broke up last week after seeing each other for
almost three years. She is still in the process of moving her things
out. And guess where she has gone and taken up residence along with her
Whiskey? Why Old Big Stethoscope Dog's kennel of course. She has been
promptly added to the growing list of the human canine hybrids in the
world! And oh! In a fit of rage she also added as a parting shot that
they hadn't really gone out for a coffee but rather she had gone over
to The Big Stethoscope Dog's apartment and had the most incredible sex
all
evening. The Bitch!