Unsure

unsure.

i am unsure of myself,
i realise this only now.
as life rushes in on me,
not giving me time to think.
i do not believe i am a headcase,
as others may falsely prove,
just unsure of myself
and lifes daily steadily fixed move.

i heard a statement once,
and now i know it is true.
" nothing is permenant except change".
i can't save my life on this basis,
instead i can try to improve.
handle my emotions more appropritely,
as situations pass me by.

im sorry to friends i have lost,
over tantrums and expressive need.
i cant just pick it up and pretend nothing happened,
that would be wrong and you know it.
resently reality passed me in a dream,
on purposes and trails of our routine.
as chess we merely play,
that game that fails to be seen.

i can't explain what i feel,
words are inadquete.
limited as ever by time and space,
trapped in lifes unbreakable solid case.
i am messed up i admit it,
though through no fault of my own.
things i have seen shock me,
with reflexes like hardened stone.

i am scared to love,
but who isnt?
can you seriously trust security?
without knowing it'll one day be gone.
love come with many things as well as happyness,
like the potential hurt of a close one.
which is inevitable at one stage.

i am not a deep person out side.
this poem would never normally write.
but that dream seriously threw me,
like bate to the lions ,into darkness.
i realise things now,
that would never be brought to my attention before.
explainations of gods hidden plans,
leaving broken hearts sore.

people dont get me,
they think they know it all.
refering me to various thearpys on false pretense.
people sit and laugh thier lunch down,
"happyness to the core!"
while i sit behind perpex.
alone and unsure.