Spin, the Kiss

I wake up to this world Good morning I wake up all moody blues And
shining oily face, brittle with a few blotches here and there of
sunshine I wake up pull my hair back with a black hair clip Pinching
ample limp black locks Back And I immerse my hands in the cool
shimmering water Spouting out before hard water stains, and rusty
drains Two of them, me and you Me now forty, you now forty eight And I
cup that cool nothingness within hands that can't hold it all And
splash my face, realizing Again It's been twelve years but Again I have
to remind myself That you are not here. "Damn it!" I chuckle, hearing
my own pretensciousness Damn it it sounds like you are dead And writer
minded (some would say halfway retarded with living, ingenious at
dreaming) Writer minded that I am I imagine what if you were dead What
if you were dead, and not Waiting up for me on a Sunday when I least
expect you to. But you are the one who was once close to someone dead
Never me. I smile, close your eyes, yes I see your eyes closed My smile
is warm and loving, my skin luminescent and plumply waiting Fresh for
your touch A summer's breeze, a twinkle of a dance in nearby wind
chimes Pealing like old time church bells in a distance Old time church
bells, old country marriage Blue and green gingham dresses with folds
and folds to flow and hide within Lace table cloths To remind
candlelight how dignified they are Pressed like plums into prunes, Your
lips still passionately touch mine Ah yes I have done it again A pirate
of perfect moments Stolen While I have lived in the same god damn
apartment for the past 17 years The same god forsaken new England town
I was simply passing through in, afraid To send my daughter anywhere
else in the country to brave a brighter future And then got stuck
because she was too attached to it here Morbid as it is, a jolt would
be needed to spur her into the life she was born to live Not this life
without a daddy, without siblings Mice in the cabinets, chewing the
electric wires in the stove Racist young boys, teasing their parents
with the tricks they scolded them into The apartment's call to fame
Disjointed 5 rooms it is Was those two drains, intended for a newly
married couple And my dream to get married again, for real this time.
Ive dated many a candidate for the slaughter after you Ive cuddled, and
preened, and found chatter fun More than you ever knew Slaughter it
was, all the kisses Like blood pouring from wounds to the throats While
like usual, you worked 18 hour shifts week after week 18 hour hero, at
night a 6 hour out of control zero No wonder the hours got longer
Nothing ever lasts long enough The week you stayed with me Nervously
adoring me while I explored how much I needed you Needed us That was
the week of the kiss As soon as you think you hear something the sound
has already passed over your head I thought I heard you and me, you and
me and our forever But it is forever I walk to the grocery store,
examine some melon One wonderfully ripe and I love the smells Those
experiences of living you never really cared for My paintings, my
landscapes All those things that made you say "it's just a tree" But
you still had no trouble smiling in those moments Even if you also had
no trouble letting me go And never telling me when you were available
Mr workingman hero A war you fight, every day and every night, in which
you ask me to be cheerleader No wonder we fought, it was impossible
Impossible to catch a single moment But we did You leaned over to kiss
me, nervous and unsure I leaned up, wondering what I was getting into
And our lips met, and our hearts melted Cause I don't remember the
pressure, the strategy, the lets move on to this now All it is is
complete harmony, the most complete possibility of complete you can
reach Without drugs And all the arguments, and all the times I thought
I could never really understand you But I never failed to, its just you
wouldn't budge a bit And all the times I thought you would never love
me again And all the times I held on anyway And all the times I let go
of you, to be better for both of us And even when I finally could let
go of you All the things you ever were, and are, and shall be All the
things I wanted, I regretted, I dreamed was but never happened, that
happened but I couldn't have dreamed it better All that was woven into
that kiss of our youthfulness I call you up We have the same
conversation we always do Practicing at the conversation we know we
will never have again I tell you everything, and you think I have told
you nothing You tell me nothing but feel like I am everything, and you
need less of a prison Poisoned by complaints I no longer make Spun
around that kiss The whole universe spun into that bliss. And when you
die I will still be there.