Fighting Back

Fighting Back

They say violence
Solves nothing; fighters and the
Weak will disagree

It's music next.

As the only member of my class in the choir, the teacher singles me out
every time. Never as a favourite but mostly to demonstrate stuff,
making me look like a swot in front of everyone. I can't even sing, I
go so I don't have to stand outside with the rest of the idiots during
interval and dinnertime. They're always out there, somewhere.

We've just left PE, and I'm trailing behind everyone. I hang back in
the changing room for a minute or two, pretending to check my bag for
something. We were doing badminton today, and I made an excellent smash
against Sammy - I beat him. He's always hated me, and I just saw him
talking to Lee and Jack as they were leaving. He pointed at me and Jack
nodded. My stomach is still plummeting.

Avoiding them should be easy - through the showers, out the other
changing rooms, into the RE corridor, down the maths corridor, up the
Science corridor and I'm in music - even following the school's
Draconian one-way system. Shaking, I heft my bag, reassured by the
weight. It's home after music, escape will be simpler then, and Sammy's
little defeat should be forgotten by then. I hope.

I make as far as the set of double doors leading to RE. They're
waiting. A two handed push slams me into the far wall. If I was
lighter, it would have hurt. My bag drops.

No one will see us between the sets of doors.

Sammy stands behind Lee and Jack, the now-familiar look of anticipation
on his face. I never got used to that +What are they going to do to him
this time?+ Was it really that exciting to these people? Maybe they
were just glad it wasn't them.

>Where you gaun?

>Music.

Despite anything, I always maintain eye contact. +They never got to me
that much+.

+Why did you sneak away?

They always speak one after the other. If it weren't for the kicking
I'd get; I'd point out stupid it makes them look. Individually, they
aren't much. Lee does boxing and is fairly fit - he actually looks
quite intelligent and the female teachers seem to like him, but he's
not as clever as he looks. Jack is as thick as he looks. And he looks
thick. Sloping forehead, bushy eyebrows, tongue that naturally
protrudes. +One uppercut, one elbow, he'll bite the fucker off+.

>Square go, I say. I wonder what the fuck I'm talking about.

Lee and Jack look at each other. Confusion. Sammy laughs.

Jack speaks first, pushing me into wall.

"Fuckin' want tae go?" his eyes are so devoid of any reason that I
consider bolting.

Lee throws a punch that I partly dodge. I catch it on the neck.

>Ooh! Sammy laughs again, real glee in his eyes.

>No, no, no!

I don't think I sound too scared. I really want to see where this is
going.

I get pushed back into the wall.

>Him!

I shout, pointing at Sammy. His smile fades and his brow furrows. Lee
and Jack look round at him.

>He said 'square go' and I'm here tae square go. I'm no' fighting if
you'se are gonnae jump in?

Lee realises I'm lying, but Jack's pissed off. He feels used. Honour is
at stake here.

>You pu'ed us intae a square go?

Sammy shits out, >Naw, Jack, honest?

Jack's about to turn on me.

>Lyin' cunt!

I push forward as if to go for Sammy. I let myself get held back.

>Square go, then.

Lee shrugs, stepping back. A look of pure venom from Sammy. He can take
me. +Ha ha+. It's only Wull Scott. +Not today+.

>Fair enough,

Sammy steps up to me, giving me his best crazed glare. He comes right
into my face. He's talking. I really can't hear what he's saying.

My bravado is gone. My ears are ringing. I don't want to hurt this guy.
He spits in my face. Lee and Jack laugh in unison. Sammy steps back,
takes off his jacket, his arms are still held wide, >Fuckin' moan
th?

My right hook catches him just above the eye. He falls in the direction
of the punch. Faster than I thought I could move, my left uppercut
catches his cheek. My stomach flips and I'm dizzy with triumph.

My left arm is washed in a pain I've never felt before. A good pain. A
pain that fuels something in my mind. I feel a surge of
more-than-strength. My cheeks, ears feel flushed. Especially my too big
ears. I'm proud of them now; they're broadcasting my rage.

Jack whoops.

Lee shouts, >Go, Wull!

I put the boot in once >D'ye like THAT!

I spit on the crumpled, unconscious mess that was Sammy.

I pick up my bag. Lee and Jack are laughing, still. Jack holds out his
hand to shake. I knock it aside and he laughs harder, patting my back.
Lee bars my way.

> ' the fuck out my way.

I'm shaking. Hard. I feel tears stinging my eyes. I'm so tired it
hurts.

>Wipe your face.

Lee steps aside, smirking. He looks almost proud.

I rub my face with my sleeve, slam the door open and head off to my
next class in tears. It's the only time they've ever made me cry.

They never came near me again after that day. Any time I saw Jack he
always nodded and >Awright.

Sammy put up a front when there were people around. I let him. I never
enjoyed fighting for the sake of it. I fight for a reason. He often
came up and apologised if he thought he'd went too far. A couple of
years later - I'd've been sixteen - we moved onto the street he lived
on. It turned out he had a "gang" of twelve-year-old kids who though he
was somebody. He believed his own hype, and he started openly slagging
me off. Then he dissed one of lady friends. I just stopped walking,
didn't even look at him and said; >Apologise.

He did. I thanked him and went about my day.

I saw Lee once after I left school - we passed in the street. I saw him
square his shoulders as I approached him. He set eyes into the
distance, put on a half smile and fake swagger. You're not even worth
acknowledging.

Before I knew it I'd said, >Fanny! as we passed.

>Whit did you say?

I kept walking.

>Whit the fuck did you say?

+Fucking come ahead+

>Haw! Ya fat fuck!

I kept walking.

>Whit did ye say?

>Haw! Come back here!

I never looked back.