Just a girl

MONDAY

Matt (sex god) Jones has got a small dick!
I wouldn't say I really had an orgasm, but I wouldn't really say it
hurt either it just felt weird really weird and uncomfortable (the fact
that we did 'IT' in the on the floor of his kitchen didn't make it the
nicest experience). I don't know why boys have such a fascination with
sex I mean it was ok but nothing special I might want to do it again
one day but then again i've got my doubts. It just might be the size of
Matt's penis that made it so boring but then again I don't have
anything to compare it to.
10.15pm
Just rang Amy! I told her about me and Matt and she screamed down the
phone and congratulated me, coz she knows i've fancied Matt for ages
and ages! She asked me how it was, I told her it was ok, Amy is really
into sex. She lost her virginity at 14 at has always relayed in detail
all her experiences to me (much to my disgust.)
Amy` s my best mate, we haven't really got much in common but we `v e
known each other since birth because our parents (her mum and my dad-my
mum ran off with this younger bloke when I was 10) are such good
friends. We look nothing alike either, Amy is tall, with a firm
curvaceous but in no means fat (at all!!) figure, large green/gray
eyes, long jet black poker straight hair. She is the prettiest girl I
have ever seen all the boys agree but everyone thinks she's a bitch
because she's always really nasty to people and chopsy to all the
teachers I think its coz her dad killed himself when she was 11, and
she was really close to him.
I unfortunately am tall but kind of chubby, I have wavy brown hair,
brown eyes and i'm just. Well?average. I'm not sickly ugly but not
stunningly gorgeous (nowhere near) either!
I don't even know why i'm writing all this, I only decided to start a
diary this morning but I just thought it would be fun to read when i'm
all grown up and I look back on when I was kid.
Better go to bed now got work tomorrow at 11.

TUESDAY
CRAP DAY AT WORK!! I work at a small greasy caf? in town; I hate it all
I want is a nice job where I can where nice clothes and go home, not
smelling of bacon fat and sweat!! This snobby bitch came into today
demanding baked potatoes by the dozen for her little brats and just
because the potatoes were a little black in the middle she threw a huge
fit in the middle of the caf?. I was so embarrassed.
Going to meet Amy in a bit. We're going to hang out at the park for a
bit.

Life is positively shit!! I feel so stupid. Went to the park with Amy,
Luke (Amy's part-time boyfriend and sex god no.2), tom and matt were
there. I was a bit embarrassed but Amy dragged me up to where they were
sitting and I smiled at Matt, all three of them started smaning. I
ignored them I know what boys are like and its best to ignore them when
they are being immature. We sat down and Amy started talking to Luke, I
didn't know what to say to matt so I started ripping up the grass. Amy
asked me to go grab her a drink from the shop, relieved to get away
from the uncomfortable silence I jumped at the chance.
When I got back they were all in a circle laughing and I heard one of
them say my name, so I dropped down behind a bush I wanted to hear what
they were saying about me.
MATT: Why do you hang around with her Ames? She's the opposite of
you!
LUKE: yeah babe you're well popular and she, well? She's a dawk.
AMY: She's all right, guy's. Just a bit annoying sometimes coz she's
very clingy, I guess. Anyway what are you on about matt, you're the one
that fucked her!!!!
MATT:I was horny!! And lets face it she loves me!
AMY: WHAT?? I thought you fancied her??
MATT: (laughing) come on Amy, I have some taste. Who` d fancy that fat
biff?
AMY: she's not fat Matt she's just big boned.

At that point they all burst out laughing, just then Luke noticed me
crouching open mouthed on the grass. He looked horrified and he nudged
Matt, they all turned to look at me. Any normal girl would have marched
up to them and said something witty and cutting or just beat the shit
out of them but all I could do was stand up and I muttered something
like I had to be in early to cut my nails. Then I ran, and I ran and I
didn't even know where I was going eventually I ended up at home and I
locked my self in my room.
I stood and looked at myself in the mirror I didn't think I was that
fat, how stupid am I to think that a sex god like Matt could ever like
me.
My dad came in and saw my tear streaked face, so I told him id stubbed
me little toe on the door. He accepted this white lie and left me
alone. I'm so hurt Amy didn't even stand up for me, fucking
typical.

I HATE THEM ALL!!! I HATE THEM!!! I HATE LIFE! I HATE MYSELF!!

THURSDAY

Worked all day yesterday so didn't get a chance to write. Besides i'm a
boring person with no life so what can I write about??????
Amy rang, dad answered and shouted me, pretended I was asleep.
Going back to school soon, great I'll just have to face them laughing
at me again. Half terms are just not long enough especially when you
work all through them (like me) for 3 blimming quid 25 an hour!! Slave
labor!!!!
Just when you think life's getting good it turns round and slaps you in
the face. Sex god hates me! He thinks i'm fat?I am.

All I have done all day is watch MTV and play on the computer that on
its own depresses me without the thought of recent events.
I have decided to go on a diet. I'm going to eat as little as possible
and only fruit and veg!!! I'll show them fat!!! Il be so thin they wont
be able to see me side ways on.

Amy text, apologizing she asked me to give her a ring. I hate her but
i'm so lonely and bored I rang her. She seemed surprised, she said
sorry we've arranged to meet tomorrow at her house.

FRIDAY

I asked Amy why she said all those things and she said she hadn't been
nasty and she had had a go at them once id ran off.
She admitted they were pricks stupid and now things are like the way
they were- Me as Amy's tagalong-or so they say.
To be honest I didn't plan just to let her sweet talk me back I planned
to never speak to her again but I was flattered I guess that she
actually cared if I was angry at her by texting me.
We are going to the cinema tonight to watch Bridget Jones diary, it's
meant to be good. Hugh Grants in it so it will be!!! We are meeting
Amy's cousin Vinnie.

I'm really proud of myself i've only eaten 2 apples today and a 3
carrots and a chocolate digestive. No ones noticed if i've lost weight
yet, actually no ones noticed that i'm not even eating hardly
anything!!! Surprise Surprise, I'm practically invisible.

Just got into bed i'm knackered it's midnight. Something sickening
happened during the film I got up to go to the toilet and I had to
squeeze passed everyone and as I walked passed Vinnie he pinched my bum
then on my way back to my seat he squeezed my thigh with his
hand.
You probably think I should be happy, but you haven't seen him he's
like 5 foot 2 and has long black hair always greased Back with like a
whole tub of gel and he wears leather jackets and gold earrings and
chains! GROSS!!! I always attract the freaks!

SATURDAY

Vinnie, has just text me. It said ` YO BABES, WASSUP? I JUST GOTTA SAY
U LOOKED GR8 LAST NITE! WE GOTTA HANG AGAIN SOME DAY.CALL ME SUGAR.LOVE
V XXX`
Sometimes I do seriously wonder what goes on in boys' head!!
Hang? Sugar? Wassup? I deleted it straight away not that I get many
texts but his made me feel gross!

Amy and Lisa have just been round. We listened to music then danced in
my room then Lisa put lesbian porn on (I didn't even know we had that
channel). Lisa sat no joke drooling at the screen! I kept making
excuses to leave the room, toilet, drink, food, check for bombs and
vampires etc but she took no notice to my antics she was too busy
watching two women sucking each others tits and fingering each other I
felt ill, I couldn't bare to watch it!!!!!!!
Amy's having a sleepover tonight; no guys are going-apparently a
request from Lisa- which is weird for Amy.

Oh my god, I am at Amy's with Lisa, I can't believe this is one of
Amy's sleepovers. Normally her sleepovers consist of about 20 boys and
20 girls but she only wanted us three this time! Weird!
We watched 2 horror films, ate crisps and sweets (I forgot about diet,
but will make up for it). Then we played board games then we all got
into Amy's huge king-size bed.
Those 2 are asleep now but I cant. What Amy and Lisa just did was too
disturbing. We were all having a girlie chat when Lisa asked out of the
blue have I ever got on a girl before? I was like` NOWAY, why? She just
shrugged and said she was just wondering then she said wouldn't you
like to try it? I laughed nervously and told her I never would, its
gross. Then she told me that her and Amy were bisexual and then they
snogged each other right in front of me!! I felt sick and very shocked,
but I just laughed it off and pretended to fall asleep. AHHHHHHHHH HELP
THE WORLD IS GOIN CRAZY!!

SUNDAY

I'm at home now, that was the weirdest night ever!!Amys a lesbo!!Well a
bi!! But I don't know its too weird, this morning they were kissing too
but they swore me to secrecy. Amy told me that Lisa was our best friend
too now. So I guess IL be seeing a lot more of her.

Went for a jog earlier in desperate attempt to loose weight before
school tomorrow, but I only got as far as the end of the road before I
practically fainted from exhaustion. I ate 2 bananas today and a roast
dinner, which dad made but I was so hungry I couldn't resist. Dad
actually has noticed i'm not eating much he asked if I was ill.
I love sex god!! (Matt) but I hate him too. I'm going to have to see
him tomorrow at bloody school and I could do without that! Why do I
like him so much he's treated me like shit!! Life is so fucking
cruel.
Vinnie text me again: ` HEY BEAUTIFUL! I HAVENT HEARD FROM U YET DON'T
KEEP MY HANGIN BABY.ME AND U WERE MEANT 2 B.LOVE THE BIG V XX`

HOW CAN HE BE SO FUCKIN CLUELESS?

MONDAY

School was shit but that wasn't exactly a big surprise. I asked Amy if
she was a lesbian and she said no she just was experimenting with Lisa
who is a lesbian. She isn't bisexual anymore. She said Lisa got on this
other girl at a club so she isn't speaking to her at the moment.
Matt completely ignored me, as did Luke, not that I care, they are only
the sexiest guys in the school!!!! It was good to see my friends again,
well sort of friends, they are really just people that I speak to and
are quite nice.
Everyone's saying Sharon Lewis fancies Matt! And she is like gorgeous
and all the lads fancy her but she is the biggest bitch ever, she's
really nasty and always having fights! And she especially hates me, as
she knows I like Matt and one time in year 9 she was picking on a year
7 and I went up to her and told her to leave the girl alone!! (My
braver days- well actually I didn't know how hard she was, but same
difference)
I've got homework already! It's only our first day back!! Mr. Stevenson
is such a twat. I wish he was more like Hugh grants I have such a thing
for him ever since I saw Notting Hill, he's such a sex god. God all our
teachers are old ugly married (god knows how) bores!!!
Oh fuck phones ringing and I can't find it.

Phone was in blazer!!
Was just Amy wanting to copy my homework, but I haven't don't it guess
I better had.

TUESDAY

Just got home. Had a fucking detention with Stevens's today coz I
forgot to do my physics. Matt and Sharon are going out, they were
snogging all day right in front of me!!! I hate them both but Sharon
more she's such a slag! She's slept with like 20 boys? probably,
Had extra homework tonight?shitty!

Was talking to this bloke on the Internet in a chat room, dad would
kill me if he knew. But this bloke was really nice, he showed me a
picture of him and he was fit! I gave him my mobile number I wonder if
he'll ring! It would be so weird coz I don't know him like, he wants me
to get a picture. But that might put him off me!!

Just had a brilliant idea, IL put a picture of Amy on there and say its
me, coz she real pretty.

Can't work out how to bloody scan! Ahhhh!

Rang Dave (computer nerd that lives down the street and goes to my
school). He told me how to do it.

Yay!! I've done it nearly.

Just showed some Internet freaks my picture they all think i'm a sex
god!!! COOL!! I can't wait to show Brian the bloke I met earlier.
AHH, dad's having a fit, shouting at me to get off the Internet- bloody
men. I told him to calm or he `d give himself a heart attack he didn't
take to kindly to that at all.

In bed now. I noticed Matt looking at me today! Maybe he will dump
Sharon and come running to me because he realized looks aren't
everything and i'm the one he truly loves! Or maybe Sharon will dump
him coz he's crap in bed!! I don't care I still love him.

WEDNESDAY
Amy wants me to come clubbing with her on Friday, I mean as if I would
get in! Honestly sometimes her ideas!!
Had a weird dream last night that Matt asked me out but the very next
day Hugh Grant came to my school and got down on his knees and proposed
to me!!! I chose Hugh! Maybe that a sign i'm getting over sex god, I
mean Matt.

Vinnie keeps texting me, he`s really annoying me so I text him saying`I
DON'T FANCY YOU STOP TEXTING ME! `Then he text back`WOT? I HAVENT BEEN
TEXTIN U IT WAS MY MATE MESSIN ABOUT, HAHAHA U FOUGHT SOMEONE FANCIED
U? ARE U THICK? TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR! `
That's every boy's excuse when rejected-well that's what Amy said, and
she should know! I hope otherwise I will look soo stupid!

Amy just told me that Vinnie fancied everyone! Thanks Ame!! She always
knows how to build my confidence.

Decided to go on the Internet, maybe Brian will be online!!! I hope
so!

Brian wasn't online, but this other cute guy was called Dave. He lives
in London he's 22;I told him I was 18 and I showed him Amy's pic and he
wants to meet me! How can I its not me!!! DAMN!!

Dad just told me we are having this woman over tomorrow night for
dinner!! She's called Katherine; dad swears they are only friends!
Pah!!Does he think I was born yesterday!!! Just friends!

FRIDAY

All I can here is my dad and that fucking woman giggling downstairs
it's doing my head in.
Oh yeh she is nice but that's the problem, she's too nice always trying
to kiss my ass!! She pretends to like all they bands I do etc etc and
i'm like why bother lying!!
What if my dad and Katherine get married? And have kids?!!!!AHHH I
think I would kill myself.

SATURDAY

Nearly got the sac today! God, I was only 35 minutes late (I slept
in)
Saw gorgeous Dean in topshop! Bless him he's still got good taste in
clothes. I used to go out with Dean, and i'm very proud of the
fact.
We didn't actually see each other when we were going out but that's not
the point he still went out with me! Actually he only went out with me
for a dare but it's still a mouth opener when I point him out to people
and tell him I used to go out with him! He totally blanked him when I
saw him today as usual. God am I doomed to wander the universe all
alone till I die!??!! Naah when I'm thin, every thing will be ok.
Luke came into my work (you know luke, Matts best mate, Amys on/off
boyfriend) yeh well he came into my work and gave me a flyer for a
party he's having next weekend. He said he and Matt felt bad about
being twats so I was invited!! WOOHOO!! I'm going to see sex god and he
feels bad about being a wanker that means he must like me!!!!!

What the hell am I going to wear?

Rang Amy she's coming over right away to sort out what I can
wear!!
Oh I just realized I haven't even actually looked at the flyer to see
where it is and what time it is!

Oh my god. The flier says it's a vegetable fancy dress party!!
Oh crap, how can I try and look sexy dressed as a flipping
cabbage!!!

Amy solved it all!! Im going as a carrot. Because carrots are like the
slimmest looking vegetable I could think of!! Amys going to go as a
cucumber, we think.
Amy's not sure what she's actually wearing yet buy I am going to wear a
pair of orange tights of Amy's that she had from when she was an oompa
loompa in the school play (Charlie and the chocolate factory). And i'm
going to wear a green hat, im sure my gran will have one somewhere and
I need to buy and orange dress.

Monday
Didn't write yesterday coz I slept till 1.oopm then had an hours long
bath then ate and watched TV, so I thought there was no point but seems
as though I just wrote it anyway there was no point in not!!!!
Me, Amy and Matt were talking about the party all day today they found
it hilarious that I was going as a carrot!! Yeah but what they don't
know is i'm going to be a sexy carrot! Matt was flirting with me all
day; well he said hi-but same difference!!!
Life is great!!
We got told what grades we are predicted in our GCSE`s today.im
predicted an E in German!! Typical, just because our teacher is a
sarcastic cow!!!! She doesn't even know how to teach!!

Tuesday

I popped into town on the way home today and brought orange face paint
and an orange leotard and a meter of orange material to wear as a wrap
around skirt! In total it all only cost me 5.60!! Not bad, not bad! Im
so excited about Friday now!!
Matt was staring at me all day! But then I realized when I got into the
toilet and looked in the mirror, he was staring because I had a bit if
baked bean-from lunch-on my cheek. DAMN!!

Surfed the net for a bit and talked to Dave, he`s so sweet and
interesting not like all the other lads on the net always asking to
cyber if you ask me its sick and desperate!!!
He keeps saying he really wants to meet up. I told him id think about
it. But he thinks I look like Amy, what am I going do?

Wednesday

Matt's dumped Slut Sharon!!! WOOHOO! He loves me!!
Just working on carrot dress! I've put a huge split in it right up my
thigh! Matt wont be able to resist moi! Woohoo!!
Katherine (dads 'friend') is over, all I can here is them two laughing,
its making me feel sick! I couldn't even eat my dinner, besides it was
bacon and that's far to fattening. I've decided that i'm not going to
eat any carbohydrates coz apparently you loose loads of weight that
way. I'm just going to eat fish and vegetables! I know what your
thinking, that I wont stick to it like normal, well I can tell you I
WILL!! I have to because otherwise I won't fit into my carrot dress
(it's a bit tight). Brilliant incentive!

YEY!!! Finished costume finally! I'm so excited now; the buttons are a
bit strained when I put it on, but by sticking to my diet I should be a
lot thinner by Friday!
Anyway better go and do some belly exercises to firm myself up!!

Thursday

Tomorrows the big day!!!!
I still haven't seen Amys costume yet but she assures me its
finished!
Life's great! Matt speaks to me! I love life!
I feel much thinner; I've only eaten a tin of tuna and 3 apples and a
banana today! Just going to do my sit-ups again, then get an early
night so I don't have bags for tomorrow!

Friday-The big day!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! So excited cant sit still!
As I was leaving school Mat winked at me and said he couldn't wait to
see me later!!!
Going to have hot bath and pamper oneself now.
Ahhh only 3 hours and 27 mins to get ready! Wish me luck!!!!

Oh my god.
Oh my god! Oh my god!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I have just got home from the party, and I thought I would write one
more time before I kill myself.
Tonight was the worst night of my whole entire life. It was a set up
the whole thing WAS A BLOODY FUCKIN SETUP!!!
Fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!

Saturday
Rang in sick for work today, to depressed to go.
Anyway I guess I better explain what happened last night after my
little outburst.
Well to start off with I was the happiest girl alive. I put on my
carrot dress and buttoned it up it was still very tight and I felt the
buttons would pop off at any moment but Amy assured me I looked lovely,
and very slimming (gullible git that I am).
Amy did my makeup and I thought I looked cool?wrong again!
Then Amy went home to get changed and she said she'd meet me
there.
I got to the party, walked in and was greeted by a huge explosion of
laughter, the first thing I noticed as I entered the hall was that not
only was I the only carrot I was the only god damn vegetable.
Matt and Amy were laughing the hardest; I was so stunned I just stood
there being laughed at. I couldn't even blink I wanted to run, run as
fast as I could (which isn't very fast) away from the terrible scene.
Amy came over and said `Cheer up love, it was only a joke. Haven't ya
got a sense of humour? Hahahahaha? `
I couldn't believe it she had known how much this night had meant to
me, and I was a laughing stock? again! I turned to walk out and as I
reached the door I heard Matt shout `it was only a bloody joke, you
boring cow! Get a life like! `
And that was it, that was the last straw something inside me just
snapped, I turned and marched over with fists clenched, he stood
open-mouthed as I strode towards him. Suddenly I trod on a discarded
empty can and I slipped right onto my back and I smacked my head on the
cold floor. At once the whole hall erupted with hysterical laughter, I
started crying-I couldn't help it-I was humiliated and my head really
hurt and as I sat up the entire button on the front of my dress started
popping open. Buttons flew across the hall, and I tried to cover up my
bra with my hands as I scrabbled to the door and ran out. The doors
slammed and I ran until I was exhausted, but I could still hear them
all leering and laughing at me.
Now at home still in my bed I realize I can NEVER EVER face any of them
ever again! My choices are to never leave the house again or kill
myself.
Amy has already tried ringing me, but I refuse to speak to her.
I haven't eaten since yesterday lunchtime and i'm bloody
starving.

Amy came to visit me and my dad let her in. She had brought with her a
huge bar of galaxy chocolate, my mouth watered.
She explained that she hadn't meant to hurt my feelings she just
thought it would be a funny joke and she was sorry. So as usual I
forgave her, but only coz I was damned hungry and she was holding a bar
of my fave food.

Just stuffed my face! Am feeling tons better Amy told me that Matt was
really worried after! She said she ran after me but then lost me after
bout 5 mins!
HAHA! Mat was worried bout me! Stupid prick that he is, he's got a good
heart.
I hope Amy's right and that one-day I can look back on last night and
laugh!!

Sunday

Ame's and me are going swimming she said she going to help me tone
up!

Just tried on swimming costume! I didn't know I'd grown so much in the
7 months that I haven't been swimming!!! And its pink! With little
green flowers on it!! Oh shit, Ames here. It'll be ok; no one will see
me once i'm in the water.

AARRGH!
Please remind me never to go swimming again!
We arrived and got changed quickly, Amy strode confidently into the
swimming area in her black, sexy, Speedo bikini while I hovered behind
in my hot pink! I had my huge towel wrapped tightly round me being
careful so as not to show off even the slightest chunk of flab.
Just by the poolside was the best-looking boy I had ever seen (except
for matt), and he was looking our way. Amy noticed and casually dipped
her toe into the pool, I saw the gorgeous lifeguards eyes wander down
her perfectly sculptured body in awe. Then she dived in, I sat on the
side still wrapped in my towel too ashamed to get into the pool. I
kicked myself, why hadn't I remembered the terror of actually getting
into the pool, let alone the swim!!!! Amy shouted at me to come in, she
swung herself majestically out of the pool and sat posing on the side.
Just then the lifeguard came over and said `So, I haven't seen you two
in here before? You live round here? ` Amy nodded and flicked her hair
suggestively, and then pulled my towel off me and threw it on the floor
giggling ` get in, wimp` she yelled. I stood half naked, in my pink
costume with a massive wedgy trying to cover my podge and stragglers!
Then I got in and just swam and swam for about half an hour, Amy didn't
notice she was stood on the side of the pool talking to all of the life
guards and MY gorgeous life guard!!
Now at home my ass is still sore from the constant wedgy, Amy's staying
tonight and she wont stop going on about `Steve` the wonderful
lifeguard!!! AAHH! Life's so unfair, school tomorrow have to face
everyone but Amy said she would stick up for me and tell them to back
off.

Good point bout day, actually did exercise! And only ate a cheese
sandwich and 2 apples and 2 packets of crisps, I feel much thinner
already!

Monday

School wasn't too bad, I tried faking I was ill this morning but my dad
wouldn't have it! Unsympathetic bloke, typical! Il remember this when
he's all old and gray and needs looking after, he'll be wishing he was
a better father to me then.
Mat just blanked me but I think i'm really getting over him now. A few
people pointed and laughed but I can't be bothered to give a
toss.
Chrimbo soon!! Woohoo, I wish I had a boyfriend for Christmas i've
heard that Luke's getting Amy a ring. Oh god then after Christmas
another traumatic day?. VALENTINES DAY!!! It's the worst day of the
whole year and some people love! Sad, soppy freaks!!!

OH MY GOD IM IN LOVE!!! I just popped down the shop after being nagged
for half an hour by old haggard pop! And there's a new boy in town!! He
started working in the shop, he is sooo gorgeous. He also seems really
sweet and nice, I was chatting to him for about 4 minutes before some
old cow started getting impatient behind me and told me to hurry up.
But before I left I did get a very flirtatious smile off him!! I keep
offering to go to the shop for pop (aqua dad) he thinks i'm ill or gone
mad!

Tuesday

Amy rang me last night to ask me of I wanted to skip school today, so I
agreed. She's coming round soon, my pops at work I pray to god he
doesn't come home for his lunch break or ill be dead!! I haven't told
Amy about the gorgeous shop bloke yet coz I know if he spies her he'l
fall madly in love with her, so i'm going to pop down there quickly
before she gets here.

He wasn't working goddamn!
How typical is that, but the old bat said he was working
later!!!!!

Quickly got into school clothes before me old man gets back. Amy's
gone, its been an ok day actually I think its coz I wasn't at school.
We watched MTV all day and danced and sung to the songs, Amy singing
what a joke!!! It's the only thing in the whole world that I think I
could beat her at.

Went snuffling in pops wardrobe couldn't find any presents better start
hinting to him that's its Christmas soon! God he's such a bloke!

Just had pizza and chips for dinner oh shit I forgot about my diet!! Oh
well I just wont eat tomorrow to make up for it.
I was thinking about writing a letter to my mum, but I don't have a
clue to write to someone I haven't seen in early six years! She wrote
to me a few years back trying to 'explain' it all to me but I didn't
and still don't really understand it, she's probably moved house since
then anyway.
Rough copy for mother dearest:

Dear mother
Hi mum
To mother
God I don't have a clue how to start it, I can't call her mum its just
too weird. Oh I know?

Hi, how are things? Hows Is what's his name? (I'm not allowed to say
his name because i'm supposed to hate him he broke up our family so pop
says.)
Are you excited about Christmas? I am. School is crap. (Um?) anyway dad
says hi (she'll know i'm lying)
I miss you mum. Naah can't tell her that.
Love too informal
From jess xx

Ps happy Christmas and happy New Year. Oh yeh and write back?.well if
you want to that is-you don't have to. X

Yeh that sounds ok. I probably wont even send it anyhow.

4.23pm

Amy wrote me a fake absent letter for yesterday I hope they fall for
it.
Pop sent the letter!!!!! He said he came into my room to clean saw it
lying on the desk and thought he'd do his little girl a favor! The
cheek of it!!!
I wonder if mum will write back?? I don't know if I even want her
to?yes I do?no I don't?. yes I do?naaah?well?ummm.maybe-not that she
will or anything.

Pop just asked me to go to the shop for him for some milk and bread!!!
I hope sexy shop boys working!! Better go get ready!!

Pops just been stomping about up here asking why i'm getting all dolled
up just to go round the corner, God men are so dim!

Pop still squawking at me, I think I might go and machine-gun him! I
can't find anything subtle, nice and casual to wear!

Just got back from shop, decided to wear my knee-length denim skirt and
a silky white low-cut top with my platform trainers, I was aiming for
the cool and casual yet sophisticated look I think I managed it. But I
needn't have even bothered he wasn't working!!! Typical! Just
typical!

Just had lovely hot bath, and am sat in my room staring at my history
coursework I just don't know where to start. People keep pranking my
mobile, just ringing and whispering and doing stupid noises down then
phone. I bet its matt and Luke-bloody twats.

Still keeping to my diet-kind of!
Steve (the sexy lifeguard) has rang Amy! Apparently he's been asking
around for her number for ages. Why has no one ever bothered trying to
find out my number or anything? Oh yeh, I'm ugly and fat! God if only I
was thin and pretty?HELP ME LOORRRRDD!

Got a letter from mum today! That was quick. It said:

Darling, I loved getting your letter!
It has really made my week! You don't realize just how much i'm missing
you sweetie. Andrew is fine, he's very curious about you, as am I. I
was thinking maybe we could go for a day out together one day soon and
get to know each other? Have a little think baby. Then ring me
07719345723.
Take care hunny, hope you are well. Say hi to your father for me.
Love you lots
Mum x xxx x x x xxx

Dear God! She wants to meet up with me. I want to see her, well I don't
but I do? oh I don't know! What am I going to do?
If I did meet her it would be so awkward, but if I didn't then maybe
I'll never see her again!

What will dad say?
He doesn't even like me talking about mum.

Saturday
I can't believe she misses me, I didn't even think she thought about me
or remembered me! I'm so glad I wrote to her! WOOHOO!
I feel real lonely because pop's been at Katherine's for the past two
days. I hope he comes back soon, I need a cooked meal-beans on toast is
killing me.
Work was real weird today! My boss has been put in jail! FOR ARMED
ROBBERY! So I've been working for one of the U.K's most wanted-nearly.
He could have killed me, or anything! When I'm older I'm going to be so
traumatized from my childhood, think about it, I know an armed robber!
I worked for him!

I think I might visit him in jail, I feel sorry for him.

Still don't know whether I should meet up with mum or not?! Even though
I really do miss her.
Amy and Steve are sort of seeing each other! But she's still seeing
Luke, God she's a one!

Sunday

Popped to corner shop, and guess who was there? That's right! Sexy shop
man (Paul-so I found out). And I yes you guessed it, I was not
expecting him to be there-and so was dressed in scruffy joggers and
baggy t-shirt with no makeup. I was so embarrassed I nearly walked
right back out of the shop, but that would have made things worse. So I
took the milk and bread to him. I didn't even look at him and he goes '
not your normal chatty self today then?' I nearly died I gave him an
evil look and practically leaped out of the shop.

I mean what's problem? If boy's weren't so harsh and judging maybe I
wouldn't have turned out to be so protective of myself.
I still really like him he's so cute. But I've got to be realistic,
only a really ugly boy would ever go for me!

I've just made a conscientious decision, if I don't loose weight soon
or start having a better life im going to kill myself! Yes I know its
extreme, but I just cant live my life like this! I wish I was pretty!
Why is every skinny?

Ok what I wrote earlier was a bit exaggerated im not going to kill
myself, im just going to become hermit. Better?

Monday