Dead is Dead

Dead is Dead

The two hens lay draining by the path that led from the kitchen to the house. They lay with their throats cut, the blood slowly oozing, their feather rusty-red and limp. Jennie, the little girl, watched the slow oily movement of the blood and held Tim’s hand.

‘Are they dead?’ He asked. Silly Tim, only three.

‘Course they are. John killed them.’

‘Will they get alive again?’

Jennie sighed. ‘Dead is dead. When you’re dead you don’t get alive again.’

Boobah came round the corner and laughed at them. He bent and peered at the hens.

‘Not ready yet,’ he said. Later he and John would pluck them and pull out their insides. Jennie had watched them doing it before. And then John would cook them and Allan would bring them in to the dining room, covered in sauce and her parents would eat them and so would their guests. Boobah stretched and walked along the path to the kitchen. Jennie watched the soles of his bare feet as he moved. She loved their paleness, the way they were lighter than the rest of his dark skin. Jennie loved Boobah. When Daddy called him in the evenings, he’d pad into the living room, his bare feet making no noise, and Daddy would ask him to pour the whisky and he’d say ‘Yes Massa.’ Jennie, sitting by her mother in her nightie, would watch as he handled the bottles and glasses, putting in ice, squirting soda from the siphon, bringing the tray round to Mummy and Daddy and guests, too, if there were any. Boobah would be silent, he wouldn’t laugh or smile and Jennie would look up at his smooth proud face, his dark eyes, empty now, and wonder why he had to pour the whisky when it was her parents who drank it.

Sometimes her father would shout at Boobah and the other servants in Hausa and they wouldn’t say anything. They’d stand and bend their heads and leave slowly and quietly when the shouting finished. Boobah was the small boy but he was the tallest and darkest.

‘Why are you the small boy when you’re so tall?’ Jennie would ask him and he’d laugh. He was often laughing when Jennie was with him. Boobah was the small boy, John was the cook and Allan was the steward. Once John and Allan had had other names but when they became Christians, they’d changed them. Mummy had told them that. And Daddy had said with a snort: ‘Christians when it’s Christmas or Easter and Muslims for Muslim holidays.’

Allan came out of the house, and called to Boobah in Hausa. They set off for the compound and Jennie and Tim followed them, down the path and round the corner behind the fence. The three wives were singing together as they pounded grain in tall wooden pots with long wooden poles. Two of the women had babies tied to their backs. The older children looked up as Jennie and Tim stood at the edge of the compound. Jennie would have liked to play with them but Mummy said they shouldn’t. Once she’d come here when the families had been eating. They’d all sat – women, men and children – round a large pan of dark thickly-sauced stew, taking a white paste in their fingers, dipping it into the stew, using it to absorb gravy and secure pieces of meat, before transferring it to their mouths. How Jennie had wanted to join in, to sit cross legged round the big pan, use her fingers, mould the paste, dip it in stew, taste the meat, lick the gravy from her lips. But she had her meals at the dining table, using knives and forks and spoons and served by Boobah and Allan.

‘Let’s go back,‘ said Tim and tugged at her hand. Jennie followed him back to the garden where the garden boy was cutting the grass with a scythe making a crackly slicing noise with each stroke. He was only young and didn’t live in the compound. And he didn’t talk to the children, never answered when they asked him questions, just went on cutting. Mummy said it was because he didn’t speak much English.

***

Jennie lay next to her sleeping mother on her parent’s bed. She was staring at the sun through half-closed eyes. The sun seemed to be popping out of itself over and over again in disks of different colours, red, orange, yellow, almost white. Jennie felt nearly asleep; she wondered if the sun was really popping coloured disks or if it was her eyes doing tricks. She squeezed her eyelids a bit closer together and the disks started to pop faster, then she widened her eyes and the popping slowed. She lay still, moving nothing but her eyelids, mesmerised by the sun’s activities.

Daddy burst into the room.

‘Grace, Grace. Have you seen my gun?’ His voice was urgent and accusing and the sun stopped popping. Jennie moved her eyes into different shapes but the sun just sat blandly in the sky.

Mummy, woken abruptly, was speaking in a slurry voice. ‘What? What is it, Eric?’

‘My gun, I can’t find my gun.’

Mummy sat up. She was wearing only underwear. Jennie squeezed her eyes once more, but the coloured disks had gone. She rubbed her face with the backs of her hands in disappointment. Daddy was standing by the bed shaking his clenched hands.

‘Grace, have you put it somewhere?’

Mummy stood up, took her dress from the chair beside the bed and as she pulled it over her head said: ‘No, of course not. I have nothing to do with it. Have you asked Allan, or one of the others?’ She pulled the skirt of her dress down over her hips and started to do up the front buttons.

Daddy turned and a long cross sound came out of his mouth. He turned back again and poked his head forward. ‘I can’t find Allan and the others deny all knowledge of its whereabouts. I’m supposed to be going shooting tomorrow.’ Mummy had finished her buttoning and went to sit at her dressing table. She stared into the mirror before picking up a lipstick and making her mouth red. Once Jennie had knelt on that stool, looking into that mirror, putting on her mother’s creams and make-up. She’d nearly finished, dipping her finger into a final sticky pot when she’d felt a sharp pain on her bottom. She’d looked up, shocked. Her father had been standing there with an angry face and up-raised hand.

‘How dare you use your mother’s stuff?’ He’d yelled and Jennie had opened her mouth and howled. Not from pain, that had been momentary, but from unfairness. She’d only been doing what her mother did every day and she’d been smacked for it.

‘Grace! Are you sure you haven’t seen it?’ Daddy was pacing the room.

Mummy turned to watch him.‘No, no I haven’t. We’d better look for it. We’ll get all the servants and have a thorough search.’

***

Tim was poking the ants with a stick. He and Jennie were squatting down, watching as the insects moved into disarray and then, after scurrying around frantically, regrouped into the long thick marching column that came through their garden, went up and over the house, past the compound and out into the bush beyond.
‘Be careful, they sting,‘ said Jennie poised to jump and run should one of the ants come too close. Tim gave the column an even harder poke and the ants scrambled. Jennie jumped up, pulling Tim.

‘Jennie, Tim. Come here at once.’ Mummy was standing on the veranda. ‘Quickly.’

‘No,’ said Tim. ‘We’re playing.’

Mummy was coming towards them. She picked Tim up and took Jennie’s hand. Tim squirmed. ‘Don’t want to be picked up.’

‘Do as you’re told, Timothy,’ Mummy said and Jennie looked up at her. Her face was white and her mouth was a hard red line. Jennie moved closer to Mummy; leant against her legs and took a bunch of her skirt in her hand.

‘Come on,‘ Mummy said and, pushing Jennie, she hurried into the house, put Tim down and shut the veranda doors.

‘We’re going to stay somewhere else for the night,’ Mummy said when the door was shut. ‘Come up and help me with the packing.’ Mummy’s voice was watery.

‘Why?’ Said Tim.

‘Yes, why?’ Jennie asked. Mummy looked at them both. She seemed to be thinking.

‘Because Daddy’s gun is missing and so is Allan. There’s nothing really to worry about but Daddy and the police think we should go somewhere else.’

Jennie started to shiver.

‘Want a biscuit,’ said Tim and started to suck his thumb. Mummy shook her head.

They heard the sound of the car arriving and stopping, the slam of the car door and Daddy’s voice calling. ‘Grace, you ready? We must be going.’

Daddy took the suitcase and the box of food. As they left the house and he locked the door with a key, Jennie heard the buzzing of flies and saw the dead hens still lying like a bruise by the path.

***

Suddenly it was dark and Jennie, sitting next to Tim in the back of the car, felt him lean against her as he slept. Then Daddy was lifting her out of the car and carrying her into a room lit by a kerosene lamp.

***

Jennie could hear voices outside. She opened her eyes and sat up, blinking. It was morning and she could see Tim in a bed next to her and across the room her parents sleeping.

‘Mummy’ she called and stood up. ‘Mummy’ she called more urgently and went to the front door; it was locked.

‘Jennie,‘ Mummy whispered and Jennie turned and went to her.

The knock at the front door made Jennie tremble. Daddy left the breakfast table.

‘Yes. Who is it?’ He asked

‘The police guard. We have news.’

Daddy turned the key in the lock and went outside closing the door behind him. Jennie looked up at her silent mother; the light in the room was pale, menacing. She put down her cereal spoon. The thought of food sliding down her throat into her tummy made her feel ill.

‘Eat up, Jennie,’ Mummy ordered. She shook her head.

‘Go on,’ said Mummy lifting the cereal spoon and putting it into her hand. Jennie took a mouthful, with a great effort she swallowed. She shuddered and forced another spoonful into her mouth.

‘Eric,’ Mummy said, her voice coming from miles away. ‘What is it?’

Daddy came and sat down. He put his elbows on the table and leant his face into his hands. Jennie swallowed her mouthful and put down her spoon. Daddy spoke, his voice dry and thin. ‘They’ve found the gun. They’ve found Allan. He’s committed suicide.’

‘Oh Eric.' The way Mummy spoke made Jennie want to cry.

‘What’s mitted suet side mean?’

‘Oh Timmy, love. Eric, the children.’ Mummy put her hand on Tim’s head.

‘What does it mean?’ Tim persisted.

‘Shut up Tim,’ Jennie said, scared of the explanation. She watched Mummy and Daddy looking at each other; watched as Mummy licked her lips and shook her head.

Then Daddy spoke. ‘It’s when somebody kills themselves. Allan has shot himself with my gun.’ Jennie wondered if she was going to be sick.

‘Is Allan dead?’ Tim asked and Jennie stood up and walked round and round the room, trying to stop the feeling in her tummy from getting worse.

When they went home, Daddy had to tell Allan’s wife. Jennie watched as he went to see her and soon after she heard the wail coming from the compound, high pitched, hopeless, heart-breaking. It went on through all the hot afternoon.

***

‘Is Allan’s wife still very sad?’ Jennie asked Boobah some days afterwards. Boobah looked at her and his eyes were no longer smiling for her. ‘I don’t know. She and the children had to leave, their room was needed for the new steward and his family.’