When Karma Is a Bitch and Ego Is Her Lover

You and I? We go a long way back, eh? I can't believe we are still together. Can you remind me again how you ended up convincing me to give you a second chance for the one billionth time? Am I stupid, gullible or both for actually believing I could win this time around? You knew that I won't be able to say 'no' to you. You knew with a precision none of us possess, that I'd be captivated by you, turning me into another one of your guppies, right? You waited for me to be old enough and then you lured me with promises of unmatched pleasure and satisfaction. That elevation; that superiority one feels after winning an argument; the sensation of self-worthiness and righteousness after proving someone wrong; that smugness of rating higher in something than someone, whatever it is, as long as you're better, smarter, and more successful. Oh, it was gooooood in the beginning. It was reeeeally good and I had my fun. You had your fun. But slowly, you started wanting more and more. Fun wasn't enough. You wanted pain. You wanted blood. You forced me to hold grudges towards whoever dared to hurt me; finding the perfect opportunity to stab that person in the back even deeper and longer, enjoying every turn of the knife. There was no water under the bridge whenever you were around. Oh no. The bridge was under the water, drowning. I will never forget those eyes who had cried because of me, because of my words, because of my malice. But all I was doing was to recite after you. It wasn't me, that monster. It was you. I didn't have a choice. You clung to my weaknesses like a leech, feeding on them and turning me into something I never wanted to become. And I've tried, boy, did I try to kick you out of my bed; out my life. I did yoga; I was one with nature; I listened to the birdies sing and day-dreamed in the long summer afternoons; I did detox; drank cleansing veggie shakes. You name it. I thought that I was over you. I thought that I was finally free...How naive of me! There's no escaping you. I will always have something for you. You know it and I know it. A tiny something which is hardly what it used to be, but, is nonetheless, still there, waiting for me to break. That's what you get for having a failed love affair with one fucked up ego. 

Photo: https://pixabay.com/en/self-portrait-destiny-battle-war-1265148/