"The Appointment in Samarra"

During lockdown I had daydreams of running away to join the circus.  I just wanted to get away from all the death I suppose.  Those numbers on the news, every day, every, every day, thousands dying every day and here’s the weather.  When you think of it, what everyone went through, really.  OMG.  My brother’s best friend lost his father in the early weeks.  All his mum and dad had done was go to the supermarket.  In the blink of an eye, gone.  Worst of all, when they came back from hospital, he had to sit in the back garden while his mother sat at her open kitchen door, unable to hold her or take it in. Stricken.  Alone.  In the freezing March air.   When I heard about them, my heart felt so heavy I thought I’d pass out.  Even now.  God love them.  And yet, there’s Ukraine and Gaza.  What the fuck is wrong with us!

March 2020. I couldn’t run away and join the circus, so I bought the Gifford’s Circus Recipe book instead.  The dedication said that Nell, who started Gifford’s circus, had died a few months before the book was published, of breast cancer.   

We must choose, sink or swim.  If Samarra is the last stop anyway, why not make a splash on the way there.  I wanted to find out about this amazing person, her life, her drive, how she made her dream come true.  I read her autobiography, ‘Josser’*.  A josser is someone who works in the circus, but who wasn’t born into a circus family.  The book was enthralling, disturbing, like nothing I had read before.   I read ‘Gifford’s Circus, The First Ten Years’ too.  In it she says Gifford’s circus is a circus to make a pilgrimage for.  I believe I must. 

*It’s a great read, written under her maiden name (that is boomer speak and I’m allowed), Nell Stroud. 

Nell's sister’s books are also great reads, same raw honesty. ‘The Wild Other: A memoir of love, adventure and how to be brave’ Clover Stroud.  ‘The Red of my Blood’ is about her loss of Nell.