GRANDMA ALICE - world's worst nan!

The worst news ever,
(A TOTAL bummer),
I've gotta go to,
Grandma Alice's this summer,
She's got these cats, right?
And piranhas too,
Lots of people go to her house, right?
But the people that come out alive are few.
They say that she's evil,
But really she's just MAD!
A barmy lunatic,
Not really all that bad.
She's forget things,
Lose things,
Like precious diamond rings,
Or money or a lot of loot,
But never the cat's food.
She's the Agony Aunt, right?
So people go to her for advice,
Though she isn't helpful,
And not very nice.
She's got the internet though,
(That's how she makes the dough)
Downloads advice from the net,
So that poor people get,
Great advice, less money and a phoney agony aunt.
I asked her about that,
As she stroked a one eyed cat,
How did she react?
No food for me, and that's a fact.
She forgot about that though,
And I wonder whether I'm her friend,
Or just another phoney foe.
Don't get my wrong about Aunt Alice,
Who lives in a shack and not a palace,
She cares for the piranhas and the cats,
And I suspect a lot of rats,
Like they are the most wonderful things on this earth,
The rest don't agree at all,
So they give her a wide birth.