Temptation

As we stood in the kitchen, I was torn. I knew I didn't want him to
leave, but I knew it wouldn't be right for him to stay. The problem
was, my pulse was racing and my heart was fluttering. They didn't seem
to care what was right or wrong. They didn't follow the logical path
work of my mind.
"You're complex," he whispered slowly into my hair.
My eyes opened in shock. I couldn't figure what it was that I was
doing that was so complex. What did this mean? Was he going to finally
kiss me, or just walk away like he had done before?
"You want me to stay, but you just told me to go. If you weren't
complex, you wouldn't ask me to do something that neither one of us
wants to do." His arms were around me and his lips were dangerously
close to brushing against my neck. I could feel his breath. I was
feeling his words, not just hearing them. I felt a sudden rush in my
torso. Too much more of this and it really wouldn't matter what was
right or wrong. It would only matter that his full red lips were on
mine, his strong manly hands were rubbing down body. I suddenly
realized they already were moving on my body. How did his hands reach
my buttocks? Was I dreaming that sensation? No, they were definitely
lightly resting just low enough on my back to be on the cheeks, but
just high enough to still be technically on my back. Did he know how
that slow caress from my neck to my back left me trembling?
I slowly looked up at him. Had he just responded to my thoughts? Or
had I actually spoken out loud? Finally, I spoke. My voice shook, was
it desire or was it fear? Perhaps it was both.
"It's not me who is complex. I am very simple. And you know it. You
know exactly how I feel about you, but you also know there are things
holding me back. I am not allowed to be with you. It could mean the end
of things for both of us."
"That's why are here in you apartment and not out in town. We are safe
here and responsible enough to know that whatever happens between us,
will stay between us. So it is you who is complex. You aren't ready to
let go yet. I need to get going, unless you truly want me to stay." His
lips were slowly dancing up my neck. He was grazing my eye with his
throaty, lusty voice. I could tell that he physically desired me, but
was that enough? I knew I wanted him, but what did "truly want" really
mean. I wanted nothing more than to have him pick me up and take me to
bed, but I couldn't move.
Suddenly he pulled away, and I felt lost. I found myself against the
counter. He was suddenly an arms length away. I couldn't see his eyes
in the dim light of the kitchen. What was he thinking? Was he trying to
breath? Did I have as much of an effect on him as he seemed to have on
me? It took every fiber of my being not to snatch him back up against
my body and hold him there until we both lost control. He gave me one
last look and slowly stepped out the door.
I should have felt relieved, my temptation was gone. All I felt was
that I should run after him. I had no other thought but that he should
be in my bed. Circumstances change and problems shift, but the only
things I have really regretted in life are the things I haven't done.
So why did I let another regret form?