Queues

It seems that, despite having endless lives worth of time to play
with, Indians experience an overwhelming and irrational sense of panic
when faced with a 'queue'. It is not sufficeint to merely wait one's
turn. Rather, one should use every effort, including (if not
especially) physical force, to get ahead in the 'queue' (or clumpish
mass of flesh that 'queues' tend to deteriorate into).

This is where being six foot tall with face piercings and a bison arse
comes in handy. A long history of earning positions in basketball teams
through rebounding and boxing out ability alone is also most
helpful.

My preferred 'queueing' technique is to envelope anyone ahead of me
with my arms (sheer anvils by subcontinental standards) and try to look
progressively meaner as I suffle closer to the holy grail of being
served. Of course, one must also voilently fend off the scrawly arms of
the locals attempting to shove their money ahead of you (with innocent
looks as if they did not notice your big white arse ahead of them in
the 'queue'). A few good shoves and nasty growls usually sends them off
sheepishly to fight amongst themselves for position.

I find that by using this method a 'queue' can usually be successfully
negotiated in two short hours - a mere drop in the ocean of a thousand
lifetimes.