Miranda Moggypuss

Miranda Moggypuss

One evening I was working alone in the studio of the third rate
university where I was struggling with my Art degree. I noticed a fresh
canvas had been set up and before it were a number of small bowls
filled with different coloured paints. I was puzzled as to their
purpose but I didn't have long to wait for an answer. Miranda
Moggypuss, the college's rather superior mannered feline came gliding
into the room. She paused only to give my artistic effort a
contemptuous glance before setting to work. I watched fascinated as she
dipped her paw into first one colour and then another as she created
her painting. I had to admit that my work palled into insignificance
beside hers.

She had just about finished when Adrian Phillips, the brilliant young
art lecturer, entered the room. It was rumoured that he was destined
for great things and apart from that he was gorgeous, tall with wavy
blonde hair. All the girls in my year were swooning over him.

Miranda sidled up to him holding her tail straight up in the air with
only the very tip turned over. She circled around brushing herself
sensuously against his legs. She made it perfectly clear that he was
her human and my presence was barely to be tolerated.
"Hello Miranda Moggs, what have you been doing? Why that's very good,
you are a clever girl. We'll get it packed up and sent off to the Art
Gallery in London tomorrow. I have some pate de foie gras and smoked
salmon for your supper tonight as a treat."
Adrian then turned to me with a smile that made me go weak at the
knees.
"Hi you're Kate Becket aren't you."?
He produced a bag of creamline toffees from his pocket and offered me
one. I had already heard that being offered one of Adrian's toffees was
considered a great honour. I was also keenly aware that he was giving
my artistic effort a rather puzzled look.
"There is a long tradition of cat artists," he explained. "The ancient
Egyptians worshipped cats and paintings by them have been found upon
their temples. Miranda's paintings have been compared to Jackson
Pollock and they sell for about ?10,000 each. In fact they about all
that is keeping this run down old college solvent at the moment."

In the weeks that followed Adrian often sought my company although our
relationship never went beyond casual friendship. One lunchtime, during
the student rag week, we were halfway through our canteen lasagne when
a spotty faced anorak delivered the ransom note. The Technology Faculty
had catnapped Miranda Moggypuss.
"If we take a short cut across the campus we should be able to cut them
off before they reach their college," Adrian cried leaping to his
feet.
Perhaps we should have waited for reinforcements but we didn't
hesitate, we rushed out and jumped onto our bicycles. We managed to
catch up with the gang from Technology and a struggled ensued. We were
heavily outnumbered and wouldn't have stood a chance, but during the
foray the lid flew off Miranda's basket. She was furious at having been
treated in such an undignified cavalier manner and joined in the fight
tooth and claw. Several members of the gang soon withdrew with long red
scratches upon their faces and the day was ours.

All this drew Adrian and myself closer together and around the college
there was a great deal of speculation as to whether or not we were an
item. However as usual it was Miranda's exploits which attracted the
most attention. The gardener had planted a bed of catmint and this was
to be the cause of her undoing. One night she held, what could only be
described as an Acid House party, attended by the neighbourhood cats.
They all became high and lolled around on the college lawns. In the
Hall of Residence we were kept awake all night by cries of what I can
only suppose was the cat equivalent of "Its cool man". If she had not
been in a drug induced haze I cannot imagine that Miranda Moggypuss
would have condescended to even acknowledge Tiger, the ginger tom, let
alone enter into a liaison with him. True he was an acknowledged
mouser, in fact the bright sparks from Anthropology would cut off the
tails of his victims and hang them around his collar until he looked
like a feline Davy Crockett. Also he was large and muscular so maybe
she just fancied a bit of rough. Anyway for whatever reason, by the
beginning of the new term, Miranda was presiding over a basket
kittens.

However my course marks kept going from bad to worse and the only
bright thing on the horizon was my friendship with Adrian. Then one
evening I met him as usual for a drink in the student bar.
"These are for you," he said pushing something into my hands. I looked
down; instead of the normal bag of creamline toffees there was a heart
shaped box of expensive Belgian chocolates, tied with red ribbon.
I gave him a long look, "I'm not going to make it through the end of
year exams am I?"
He answered with a shake of his head.
"Whatever shall I do with the rest of my life?"
"Well you could start by marrying me."

So Adrian and I have set up home in a pretty cottage near the college.
I've opened a shop called Kitty's gifts. Everything in it has a cat
theme, pottery, pictures, everything.
Its doing very well and Adrian thinks I have found my true vocation. He
says I'll be the next Anita Roddick. We adopted two of Miranda's
kittens. I'd be lying if I said we hadn't hoped they would turn out to
be artists, like their mother, and make us a fortune. However, although
they are very affectionate, they seem to have inherited their father's
genes. Well never mind a couple of good mousers are always useful.