E 5/31/02

Work Diary, 5/31/02

My partner of almost thirteen years once said: "Why recycle? I'm not
having kids, and therefore I've pretty much fulfilled my debt to
society."

At first, this seemed like an outrageous statement, but after careful
thought I had to agree with his sentiment. It turns out he was joking,
but I am not.

As a person born and bred in the United States, I'll take the plunge
and say right here and now: Americans are big fat nasty consumers. One
trip through our pearly gates and you won't need statistics on oil and
beef consumption; the evidence is all around you...when you step on a
McDonald's wrapper crossing the street; when you watch countless SUVs
pass you while you wait at the crosswalk; when you see the perfectly
manicured lawns in front of house after house in a desert
climate.

Thus my point: I'm a U.S. citizen with no children, and no plans to
produce any. By being childless, I have saved the world from one more
big fat nasty consumer. So fat, so nasty, in fact, that it boggles the
mind. The United States is Louis XIV's court in exponential form. I am
doing my part by keeping one less prince on the payroll.

Before my current job, I was a teacher for six years at an affluent
school. At the end of each year, bag after bag of forgotten and lost
jackets, clothing, and supplies lined the hallway, waiting for some
charity group to pick them up. I picked first, keeping an eye out for
one of my co-workers while I found items for my own family. Charity it
was not (not that I would have cared). Instead, I figured I had far too
many nieces and nephews to ignore the opportunity. In a way, I was
doing my own recycling. And my students, some of them rich beyond
belief, were - quite simply, quite frankly, without a doubt -
completely awful. There was no doubt in my mind as I sifted through
those musty remains of outright consumerism that my students, for
whatever reason, had lost things on purpose. How else to get that new
jacket from such-and-such store, in just the right color?

I am not evil. I leave aluminum cans hanging on the dumpster behind my
house for some odd man on an old bicycle to pick up. But I've done my
part. There is no pitter-patter of greedy tiny feet in my house. And,
besides, has anyone seen those "Love Your Mother" bumper stickers on
cars? Has anyone wondered why we should?

Let's face it: Mother has terrible taste. Just look at that blue sky
clashing with the green trees. Would you wear a shirt in those
colors?