E) somewhere in Birmingham

Jim has talked about his guardian angel, it is one of the wonderful
things about Jim that he believes in angels. I don't, however.

I take the banana the old lady offers, cautiously. She is still
smiling, warmly, comfortably. With a bit of work Thora Hurd could be
her understudy.

The banana is ripe, and, free from the bag's confines its sweet sunny
smell swells out. I want to eat this banana, its smooth cool skin fills
my hand, its weight seems real.

Empiricism was the only bit of Philosophy that made sense to me. I
break open the banana from its rough brown, slightly sticky end. The
flesh curves pale, banana ish, from inside the peel flopping over my
hand, and I bite

The taste is so intense my eyes water : maybe because I have had only
water for so long. It is irrisisible : even if the old lady dissolved
into shadow before my eyes I would have to finish it, feel as if I am
being swallowed by the flavour rather than eating it.

I get to the end, fold the peel between my hands, not wanting to put
down the last piece of such an experience, look up and see the old lady
unwrapping a kit kat "You don't want a piece?" She peels back the foil,
carefully breaks off a strip. I shake my head, still confused. She
smiles, as if happy to confirm something to herself "I know, you're
Vegan, that's why I thought you'd prefer a banana"

I loved kit kats, always hate watching people eat them. I can hear the
biscuit crunch as she chews

"How did you know I was Vegan?" "Because I've seen you at Jim's, of
course!" "But I've never met any of his family or friends ; I know Jim
has mentioned me, is that what you mean?" Her eyes, as she pokes her
glasses higher up her nose to watch me, are sharp and bright, with a
laugh lurking at the back. She reminds me of Jim a little, when he is
teasing me. "I said I saw you, not you saw me. Guardian Angels are
invisible!" Aha! "Then why???" I look at her pointedly. As if a cloud
had passed over the sun the laughter dies, she scews up her eyes, and
without their brightness I realise how frail, tired, FRIGHTENED she
looks. Without thinking, I reach across the table, grasp her hand; it
is warm, soft as I imagine a sunset cloud would be. It grips mine back.
Then she takes a deep breath, opens her eyes, squares her shoulders in
her pale blue raincoat "Jim has gone somewhere I can't be with him, and
it is somewhere he needs me more than ever before!" We hold eyes and
hands and fear for Jim.

Over the tannoy comes "goodafternoonthisisjanetyour -"" The old lady
frowns slightly and the announcement cuts in mid tinny flow

Why am I becoming convinced what she says is true? Because I want to
be, of course! I don't know where I'm going or what to do when I get
there, and I'm all alone, But if I give in, accept her story, reality
will have slipped that bit further through my fingers. I let go of her
hand "God, what am I supposed to do?" She, however, is back in control
of herself now, says encouragingly "That's why I'm here!" "What?" "To
tell you!" I want her to explain, to see some path, some sense in
what's been happening the last few days, but she is part of the
nonsense! She looks at me shrewdly, then peers into her carrier bag,
pulls out a bottle of mineral water like I buy every week, passes it
over. Without thinking, I unscrew the blue lid, drink.

The liquid is cold, delicious in a way my mineral water is not. And it
clears my mind like when I wash out the brown water from the pot I dip
my paintbrush in.

Ha, so, reality is brown...

She must have seen that I had reached the decision to trust her, or
gone over the edge, however you like to see it. She settles the bag
beside her, folds her hands calmly on the table : I realise she is
wearing a wedding and engagement ring. She looks at me encouragingly
"So, what would you like to know?" I want to know why she is wearing a
wedding ring. But for some reason, feel it would be the wrong question.
There is something about this situation, as if I am being tested by
someone who has only one choice of candidate, and I don't want to let
her down

"Why did you come to me?" "Because you are the only one who can help
Jim"

I am right so rarely, it would be nice, on the occasions when I am, for
it to be a comfort, I think crossly.