better

By a.lesser.thing

Sat, 06 Apr 2013
  • 752 reads
5 comments
 

stuck in skin;
where do i begin?
i feel the need to
climb out. i feel the
need to escape this.
myself. everything.

when i was younger,
we had chickens. my dad
would teach us to hold them
with our hands around their
wings. is there anything worse?
i feel like a chicken.
or maybe i am without
any wings. does it
make much of a
difference?

it's morning.
i sat up and
started crying.
bad dreams have nothing
to do with this anymore.

my mum says i snore
occasionally, not all
the time - when does one
snore? are we ever at rest?

we did a wire sculpture in my art
class. my teacher said all the wire
was free, that they got it from someone
who restored pianos and organs. the whole
time i did my project, i could only think
about how these wires were ripped from their
homes because they didn't work anymore.
what if they did that to us?

i'm not complacent.
i'm not content. i do not
rest. i would like to be something
better than this, bigger than this -
away from this. but when does one
ever rest? when do we get the time
to become better?

Certificate 12
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by Esther on
Maybe in time we do get better when we are glad for just being us!

Submitted by The Walrus on
The last stanza made me think, a.l.t., I am fifty and I'm still not content.

Submitted by littleditty on
tricky business :) when one treats oneself as well as one would (hope to) treat the one we love..is when. When one wakes up and goes der, how come I have way too little self esteem for such a good kid, &how'm'I going to fix that(and treat myself to more treats, eg resting :p) -and when we do nothing at all because Time takes care of things in ways which have nothing to do with us doing anything..is my tuppence worth x:) Ditto PG - might make a cool rewrite thinking about that...

 

Submitted by a.lesser.thing on
@Esther: I hope, in time, that I can be glad to be myself - but it's hard doing that now, seeing as I feel such an immense lack of myself within myself... if that makes sense. @PG: Thank you! I was thinking about this as I finished it. It didn't end quite how I wanted it to, because I would've loved to connect it better - I might end up doing a rewrite, too, as littleditty suggested. @Walrus: That's what scares me most. I'm only fourteen, and the thought of being unhappy for the rest of my life kills me. I don't want to have to fight to just be myself, be happy, etc. but unfortunately, I have to. And I just really, really hope that it won't last for my lifetime. That being said, as a side note, really sorry if I've been ignoring feedback as of late. Hit a rough patch, have been having some really bad days. @Littleditty: The problem with that is that, even when I treat myself, I don't feel much better. I just feel like I'm missing cables. It's like having the picture, but no sound. Even when I get enough sleep, wake up early, have breakfast, all the good songs are on while I'm driving to school--I feel awful. Granted, I don't treat myself as well as I would treat a loved one (I'm a bit awful on myself at times), but I do treat myself. I hope, with time, I can better myself with my depression, anxiety, etc., but at the moment, it feels impossible. I just feel... disconnected. It sucks to be too scared to reply you guys. It sucks to not have the motivation to get out of bed. It just sucks. All my ranting and rambling aside, thank you for the continuous feedback and advice. I really appreciate it.

 

Submitted by littleditty on
'I hope, with Time...' that's all there is to it I reckon a.l.t.(getting better at feeling better) I feel I've been somewhere alittle near where you are and you remind me..and I'm reminded that i often felt and still feel that I should have worked everything out already!and give myself a 'a bit awful on myself at times' about that. Which is mean!And harsh,and a bit arrogant perfectionist type-me, and bit hypocritical/illogical captain!not 'treating myself as I would (want to) treat a loved one' -with patience, acceptance, and all that treat/akaLove thyself well, now, stuff.(I'm usually very quiet poet type, 'all my rambling aside', I'm just hoping, with Time, for you, you feel better about you)(btw, I have consulted my new Crystalball700X from Argos (think Walmart) and so I know you will!;)