The Robe
By ice rivers
- 581 reads
One of my earlier ventures downtown came when our school went on a field trip.
We went to the Paramount to see The Robe.
I loved it of course and fell particularly in love with Jean Simmons.
I became kinda interested in robes.
Over the ensuing years, I've seen some great robes on guys like Gorgeous George, Sugar Ray Robinson, Muhammad Ali Macs Man Randy Savage and Ric Flair.
Once upon a time, I retrieved the robe of bad guy Baron Gatonni. An irate fan had thrown the baron's robe under the ring. I got it for him and gave it to him after his match.
That's another story for another day which includes baseball cards and Willie Mays.
Later Gators.
In my life, I never got into wearing robes.
Pajamas were a big enough pain in the ass.
So last month we went to the spa at Mirabeau.
I'm not really a spa guy but Lynn wanted to go. Naturally, I went along with the plan.
As were were signing in, I saw a bunch of women walking around in white robes. I figured they were coming from or going to a massage which is something else I'm not into.
So we signed in. We walked around. The place was real nice.Very new age, which can be tough for an old fart.
The guy at the main desk informed us that we were welcome to use the spa which included a quiet room, an awesome locker with steam bath and beyond the locker was a heated whirlpool.
As I trespassed beyond the locker, I stopped to drink some cucumber water.
Not a big fan.
Why'd they have to mess with the hydrogen and oxygen by throwing some cucumbers into it.
While drinking the 'water' the ultra-fit lady at the entrance to the quiet room that led to the whirlpool handed me a robe.
I don't know how the hell she figured me for a 'large'.
I put on the robe and it was uncomfortably tight but I didn't care much because I was going to take the damned thing off when I reached the inner sanctum.
I walked past the 'quiet room' which was indeed quiet and full of women being quiet.
I did the whirlpool thing and drank some kind of energy booze that was good but cost way too much. I'm pretty sure champagne was involved but thank God no cucumbers.
On the way out, Ms Ultrafit Ultraserene asked me how I liked the experience. I said aside from the robe it was very relaxing.
When she asked me what was wrong with the robe, I said it was too small but I'm not really much of a robe guy.
She became ultra-apologetic. She said 'we have other sizes'.
I said ' Give me the largest one you got'.
She went into the backroom and fished out a giant.
'Try this one on', she whispered.
I was under pressure. I didn't want to try the thing on especially with Ultranice looking on critically.
I put it on.
Voila it fit.
It didn't just fit.
It fit great.
Comfortable.
Luxurious.
Appropriate.
I loved it.
I took it back to our lodge and proceeded to wear it for the duration of our stay.
I became one of those quiet people walking around in a white robe.
I was in synch for a brief, bright shining moment
I started thinking back to Jean Simmons, Richard Burton, Victor Mature and fake Jesus Christ.
Why didn't we just stick with robes?
How did we evolve into pants and shirts and ties and all that uncomfortable gear?
I began to have a deeper appreciation for Hugh Hefner, judges and the Dude.
I even took a selfie which I hate doing.
We bought the robe.
It's in my closet right now.
I don't wear it that often because this is not a quiet room, not a spa or clearly not Calvary.
I have the reassuring thought that it's there if I need it.
I'm even tempted to put it on when I sit down to write.
Can't hurt but it takes a little too much trouble.
Like putting cucumbers in water.
Still, ya never know.
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Comments
Robes are cool. I throw mine
Robes are cool. I throw mine on when I fetch the mail and the daily paper. Only make sure it's properly tied. No one need know what goes on under the robe. Much enjoyed the read, icy rivers.
Rich
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