Fighter

Just when I think I've already written the most unhinged lyrics I could possibly muster, I go and top it! This is meant to be comical, of course. The idea was to go with the fighter mentality and take it as far as I could. As you might notice, I went through the entire alphabet (and then some) in the choruses looking for more things to fight. I have updated the these lyrics.

Fighter

[Spoken]
“Who the fuck am I?”

[Intro]
I’ll fight the mailman and the neighbor’s dog.
I’ve got blood lust and I’m in a fog!
Just to be sure I’m not misunderstood,
I’m the reason Bigfoot shits in the woods!

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 1]
I’ll fight the trash-man and the paper boy,
anything put in front of me I’ll destroy.
Face me on the mat, in the ring, or the hexagon,
you’ll be black and blue when I’m done!

[Chorus]
Line’em up and I’ll take’em down!
Aliens, Buddha, clowns, dragons, Elves,
you, and the motherfucking flu!
I don’t give a fuck, I’ll fight Lady Luck!

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 2]
I’ll fight the dentist and the Tooth Fairy,
watch me go, I’m extraordinary!
I’m gonna river dance right up in your face,
tap dance on your ass, and moonwalk away!

[Chorus]
Line’em up and I’ll take’em down!
Gandalf, horses, inflation, Jesus, Karens,
and your dumbass lawyer!
I don’t give a fuck, I’ll fight the ice cream truck!

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
I’ll fight the peasants and the fucking King,
have a snack, and give you your turn.
I will fuck up anybody or anything,
so tell Sauron I’m the Lord of the ring!

[Chorus]
Line’em up and I’ll take’em down!
Muppets, ninjas, orderlies, pigeons, quicksand,
and that dickhead Robocop!
I don’t give a fuck, I’ll fight you even if you suck!

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 4]
I’ll fight the cashier and the shopping cart,
fighting’s my lifestyle, I make it an art.
If I’m in a wheelchair, you better run uphill,
'cause downhill I'll catch ya!

[Chorus]
Line’em up and I’ll take’em down!
Sharks, trolls, umbrellas, vegans, werewolves,
and your piece of shit Xbox.
I don’t give a fuck, I’ll fight your Uncle Buck!

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 5]
I’ll fight the doctor and the lifeguard,
and holy, jumping shit do I punch hard!
Knock me down and I’ll fight the floor,
until it’s begging for more!

[Chorus]
Line’em up and I’ll take’em down!
Yoda, Zebras, all the signs, all the numbers,
and every goddamn other thing.
I don’t give a fuck, I’ll even fight Donald Duck!

[Instrumental Break]

[Outro]
I’ll fight the chef and the kitchen sink,
fuck with the waiter and have a drink.
I’m ready to throw down wherever I go,
so pull up a seat and get ready for the show!

[Instrumental Finish]

[Spoken]
“I’m a natural born fighter!”

Here's the music if you care to listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWYivzdFijs