Chapter 20 - Peace

I’m floating. 

The void. Endless void. 
No memories this time. 
Nothing to trouble the void. 
No voices either. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m alone with my thoughts. 
Alone. 

I remember waking up alone. 
I panicked. 

The pain. Lots of pain. 
And then, a shattering wound. 
I vaguely remember the world exploding with the pain, turning red. A face. Looking at me. With something in their eyes. 
Disgust? Disappointment? Anger? 
I was used to being looked at like that. I was scaring off the adults. 

The more I withdrew from the world, the harder the looks. But withdrawing was protecting me from the looks. 

All of that is far now. I don’t feel anything. Is it… peace? 
I’m not scared of being alone anymore. I’m not bitter at this unfair world. No overwhelming thoughts to take over. I can’t even remember what shame feels like, but I can feel I knew it well. 

Is this death? 
No emotions left, an empty mind outside of a now empty body. 
It doesn’t feel right. But I can’t tell what’s wrong. 
Quite the ordeal to not feel anything. I can’t even be mad or kick a fuss. I can’t cry. I have no hope. 

Without the hefty blanket of emotions, my mind feels light. But it doesn’t have anything to catch onto. Nothing to focus on. No feeling from my body. 
No emotions. 
Just the void. 

I have some memories. 
The voices. 
Mom. 
Home. 
The other heroes. 
The bakery. 
The pain. 
None of them trigger any emotional response. 
I can’t even say that I don’t care. I felt like that at one time. 
And even that is gone. 

I don’t even know if time is passing. For all I know, I could be frozen, never to open my eyes again. 
Open my eyes… 
I can see the void. Yet, I know my eyes are closed. 
Or are they in this void? Am I still able to tell what my body is doing? 
No. 
I can’t be sure.
Maybe my eyes are open. I don’t know. 

A small light in the void. A glow. Small, flickering, fragile. 
Gone. 
There’s nothing here but me. For long have I hoped for something like that. Silence. Calm. Peace. Too much peace.