Bring back conscription

Bring Back Conscription

I cant wear this uniform it's scratchy, and khaki is not very 'hip',
I can't concentrate with your foot on my head, standing to attention, chest out, buttoned lip,
This camouflage jacket makes my eyes go funny, and it's not awfully clean,
When I'm going for a walk in the country, by the young girls, I'll never be seen.

Now why must I dig a hole in the ground, like a fox hiding away in it's lair,
If we stroll along for a few minutes more, there's a perfectly good hotel down there,
Oh bother, now I've got my hands dirty, and my water bottle is empty again,
I could rinse them in the Chardonnay, I have in my pack, what a waste, oh what a pain.

Don't shout at me sergeant major, I can't help it if my gun will not shine,
You knackered me out with all that running about, so I went to bed at quarter past nine,
I'm sorry I can't go on parade today, my hair's still wet and it's cold,
My uniforms damp and my Blanco is scuffed, and my boots are covered in mould.

I joined your army to see the world, not get shot at and live on life's edge,
I'm fed up of plodding through disgusting mud, and spending the night in a hedge,
So I'm writing a letter to the Manager, is it CO?, with a copy to mummy as well,
To sell off my Hi-Fi, get some hard cash, and buy me out from this military hell.

No thank you, I don't want a 252, whatever that is, without it I think I'll survive,
The last form I signed was the one that got me in, with the aid of a P45,
I'm a civilian again and oil prices have soared, due to that chappie called Saddam Hussein,
Why can't our army go and sort him out, as I'm now on the dole, once again.

(C) Terry Sorby